Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 19

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   littlejo
    doing our first level clinical on a dementia unit as a nursing student, we were instructed to determine orientation of the patient... we introduced ourselves to the gentleman dressed in nothing more than a hospital gown, sitting in his wheelchair and asked if he knew his name and he responded appropriately... the instructor asked if he knew his gender and he asked, "Why don't you take a look and find out?" we could NOT get out of that room fast enough to laugh out of ear shot!
  2. by   Lobster103
    I am a weekend NP at a busy family practice. This past weekend was the first day for a brand new RN we just hired. I will call her "Libby." I think she is going to turn out just fine, but she made a few "rookie" goofs while weighing and measuring patients on her first day.
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    The first goof involved a tall young woman who was at the office on account of a sore throat. As I reviewed the woman's chart before entering the exam room, I noticed that Libby had recorded her height as 6'2 " but her weight as only 148. I entered the room thinking this would be the tallest female patient I had examined in quite some time. I found the woman sitting on the exam table in jeans and what appeared to be at least 4" high heels, which would have made her about 6'6" in those shoes. But when she stood up for a coordination tto go down the hall for a strep test I recommended (still in her heels), I could tell she was tall, but not 6'6." As it turns out, Libby had not asked her to take her shoes off while she measured her height. I asked the woman how tall she was, and she said about 5'10." We both had a good laugh when I showed her what height Libby had written on her chart. The woman said she literally forgot that she was in heels while being measured--the first I had ever heard of that!
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    Later in the day, I was reviewing the vitals of a male patient who complained of abdominal cramps. He had been at our office for a physical about six months earlier and his weight had been recorded as 186 . You can imagine my horror when I saw that Libby had recorded his current weight at 238. It appeared the man had gained 52 pounds in six months! Afraid we might have a serious case on our hands, I entered the exam room prepared to question the patient extensively about his weight gain. Taking one look at him, I didn't think he looked an ounce over 200 at the most. To be sure and using some quick thinking, I politely told him the nurse must have grabbed the wrong chart and that I needed to quickly get his weight again. I weighed him at about 188. Then it hit me. Libby had applied the "38" marker on the scale to 200, instead of 150. Our patient had only gained about 2 pounds since his last visit, not 52!
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    After some thought, I decided not to mention either incident to Libby. I think they are both easy mistakes for a new RN to make on her first day, especially considering that we saw more than 80 patients that day. What do you all think?
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  3. by   bemory
    When I was working in the psych unit for nursing school clinicals, there was an older man who had schizophrenia and believed that he was Jesus. He had a really patient sister that would come to visit him every Thursdays and would sit with him, making herself very quiet and then saying her goodbyes. Well the Thursday before Easter, the sister requested to talk to his physician. Since I was tagging along with the doctor on call, I was able to sit in on the conference. The sister in all her shyness, started getting flustered and said, doctor is there anyway that you can increase my brothers' medication. Easter is coming and I know from prior years he's going to have a hard weekend. The doctor immediately started laughing like crazy. Turns out that the real Jesus comes back on Easter and in prior years this patient hides under his bed for three days until his miraculous appearance on Sunday. Sure enough the next day supposedly, he hid himself behind the medication cart waiting for his resurrection.
  4. by   lisalau
    It was protocol in our hospital to leave the new parents alone for a while to enjoy their new baby and eachother before the "cleaning up"
    Imagine our surprise when less than 20 min after a vaginal delivery we found the new dad on the table "thanking" his wife for his son.
    First reaction was horror and then we decided that he would have to be well endowed to cause any injury...but we were more carefull in the future before walking in after a delivery of that nationality baby.
  5. by   Keepstanding
    Quote from lisalau
    It was protocol in our hospital to leave the new parents alone for a while to enjoy their new baby and eachother before the "cleaning up"
    Imagine our surprise when less than 20 min after a vaginal delivery we found the new dad on the table "thanking" his wife for his son.
    First reaction was horror and then we decided that he would have to be well endowed to cause any injury...but we were more carefull in the future before walking in after a delivery of that nationality baby.
    By saying "thanking" her........what exactly do you mean ?
    I sure hope you don't mean what I think you mean !
    Err, what nationality ??? Hmmmm..........very strange.....ewwwww
  6. by   lisalau
    thats exactly what i meant...he was thanking her physically. I dont remember the culture but it was a shock...never seen this before and never saw it again...perhaps it was a personal rather than a cultural thing. She didnt seem to mind. They seemed very much in love and perhaps it was at her invitation, i dont know.
  7. by   teamlewis17
    years ago as a new grad, i was one of those who was always asking "is there anything i can help you with?" sure enough one of the nurses at the desk charting said, "sure, can you answer the light in 720 for me?"
    eagerly i went in only to see a naked old woman with yards of skin hanging down, sitting on a bsc. "oh honey," she said, "can you help me put this thing back in?" "what thing?" i replied. she stood up and turned her backside to me and pointed to "it". "this... i can't get it back in sometimes without help." my gaze followed her knotted up finger to the scarriest looking protrusion i'd ever seen. "uhhh, just a minute.." i said as politely as i could, "i'll be right back."
    i rushed out of the room to see three nurses at the nursing station laughing like crazy at me. "she's got a baboon's ass!" i squealed. " what the hell i'm i suppose to do???" "push it back in!" said one of the nurses between snickers. " what?" "i'm not pushing no baboons ass back in!" "you have to" they said. "how do you do it" i asked, almost in tears at the thought of the task before me. "just push it back in."
    i took a long deep breath and headed back in the room with a handful of gloves. as i opened the door i saw the poor old woman rubbing her backside up and down on the edge of the bed. " oh, it's okay honey, i got it back in." she said.
    i didn't think i'd ever live that day down!
    Last edit by teamlewis17 on May 2, '06
  8. by   Keepstanding
    Quote from teamlewis17
    years ago as a new grad, i was one of those who was always asking "is there anything i can help you with?" sure enough one of the nurses at the desk charting said, "sure, can you answer the light in 720 for me?"
    eagerly i went in only to see a naked old woman with yards of skin hanging down, sitting on a bsc. "oh honey," she said, "can you help me put this thing back in?" "what thing?" i replied. she stood up and turned her backside to me and pointed to "it". "this... i can't get it back in sometimes without help." my gaze followed her knotted up finger to the scarriest looking protrusion i'd ever seen. "uhhh, just a minute.." i said as politely as i could, "i'll be right back."
    i rushed out of the room to see three nurses at the nursing station laughing like crazy at me. "she's got a baboon's ass!" i squealed. " what the hell i'm i suppose to do???" "push it back in!" said one of the nurses between snickers. " what?" "i'm not pushing no baboons ass back in!" "you have to" they said. "how do you do it" i asked, almost in tears at the thought of the task before me. "just push it back in."
    i took a long deep breath and headed back in the room with a handful of gloves. as i opened the door i saw the poor old woman rubbing her backside up and down on the edge of the bed. " oh, it's okay honey, i got it back in." she said.
    i didn't think i'd ever live that day down!
    okay...call me stupid...but what are you talking about ???? are we talking "hemi's" ???
  9. by   nurse100
    I was working in LTC, passing medications. We had a patient (I'll call Jane) actively dying who was one of our "spunky" patients. Her daughter was a frequent visitor so we all knew her well. I was outside Jane's room getting her medications ready to give rectally when the CNA came out of the room and told me she thought Jane was dead. I went to the door to find the daughter and son crying and the daughter was saying "Please don't go, please don't go" when she looked up at me and told me her mother would not be needing her medications. I went to the charge nurse and told her Jane had passed. The charge nurse immediately said "I just checked on her". We, with a CMA, went to the Jane's room. Her daughter was still crying and Jane was not breathing. We stood quitely next to the bed when suddenly Jane quickly opened her eyes and turned her head and looked right at us. I heard the CMA catch her breath and rushed her out of the room before she could say anything. I thought we would never stop laughing, and I learned a big lesson about making assumptions! Jane was having apnea! The most funniest thing was that the CNA who reported she had died was not in the room and none of us told her Jane was not dead!!! Imagine her reaction when she returned to work the next day and had Jane on her assignment!
  10. by   teamlewis17
    prolapsed rectum
  11. by   Keepstanding
    Quote from teamlewis17
    prolapsed rectum
    oh my :imbar poor lady ! owchee
  12. by   Saz4370
    Quote from trvlnRN
    We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other.

    I keep remembering to a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient. I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room... I couldn't believe what I saw... An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery.... he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bedrail for extra support.... With both hands...HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!! Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

    What's your story? :chuckle
    Many years ago I was new to nursing and working in a gastro/medical ward. I was assisting an elderly lady to walk to the shower. On arrival to the bathroom, much to our surprise, we encountered a fellow patient. Ill call him Percy. He was a "frequent flier" to our unit.His last admittion to hospital was a result of him being thrown out of his nursing home due to being drunk!
    Well, there before our eyes was Percy, one hand on his walking frame, hospital gown gapping to show his "wide load" and the other hand was... well.. masterbating.Full on!!
    "Oh my goodness" I stated "You really should close the bathroom door".With this I promptly closed the bathroom door and entered the next bathroom with my laughing side kick, who remarked to me "he certainly is having a good time isn't he?"
    Later after assisting my elderly lady to have a long shower, we were just preparing to leave the bathroom, when groans from next door were heard.We could not believe that old Percy was going at it the whole time!!
    Talk about monkey business!!
  13. by   irishnurse68
    that is the funniest thing i have ever heard! now i'm scared to ask anyone if they need any help!!!

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