Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 16

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from Soon-to-be-NurseJess
    During one of my clinical rotations in the critical care unit, a patient came in with a police escort. He had ingested some illegal substance and alcohol and had been acting very sporadically and violently for several hours before passing out. He arrives still konked out after ER has figured out what he had ingested (I don't quite remember) and with a very high BAC. The nurses inform the police officers that if he is to be arrested when he is in a alert state, they have to stay there. We are informed he has several charges against him and they have been looking for him for sometime before this.
    Before shifts ends, this man awakens in restraints, and tells the police officers in his room he needs to use the restroom. We ask that one officer stay in his room while he goes, he can pull a curtain etc. The man refuses so the police officers decide that since the windows can't be opened and they'll be right outside the door, its ok to let him stay in there alone.
    NOOOOOOOOOOO
    We wait and wait for him to get done...waiting...waiting..and finally one of the officers decides to check on him...and low and behold...HE'S GONE...

    2 of the ceiling tiles are missing...the nurses are looking at the officers like 'we told you so' and I'm trying to find the number for security to let them know we have a drunken, drugged up, convict in the ceiling SOMEWHERE
    Before I find the number, we all hear a great crash
    Our guy has fallen thru the ceiling....2 rooms down....right on top of a 86 yr old woman recovering from a massive MI!!!!!!!!!!!!! (she suffered no injury...she just called him a c*cks*cker)

    and the funniest thing is he thinks he's gotten somewhere so he tries to take off running out of the unit and slams into the doors knocking him out cold again...
  2. by   Missy May
    NurseJess,
    That is crazy, but funny. I would be so scared. LOL Oh my gosh, some people huh?? Missy
  3. by   onconurseRT
    I may have posted this at a previous time, but it is just a reminder to me of why I work in oncology. As a nursing student, I started my semester of OB--- 16 full weeks of pregnancy and babies at a hospital. No offense to anyone at all, but I dreaded this rotation. I went into a patients room and was "assisting" in a vaginal delivery. The entire OB subject is very weak for me, so I did not know very much and still do not claim to know a whole lot. This young lady and young man-- (17-18 years old) were the "couple" and after this young lady had been pushing what seemed like, FOREVER, the MD states very loud to everyone in the room--- "We are going to have to take the baby the other way... and he gets up and darts out of the room (headed to the section area)..." The male-- with the look of COMPLETE terror turns to me and says "How is he gonna take it out of her butt?" He really thought that the MD was going to delivery that baby out of his girlfriends butt (he thought the butt was the alternative route)! :uhoh21:
    I left the room and never attended another vaginal delivery again.
    I did C-sections for 16 long weeks.
  4. by   EDNewbie
    We had a 60ish female in ER with a rectal prolapse secondary to long-term laxative abuse. This thing was HUGE- I'm talking softball-sized. Evidently her sphincter had no tone; every time the ER doc reduced it, it popped back out and swelled up more. ER doc consults with surgeon, who says, you have to shrink it before you push it back in. How do we do that? Pack it with SUGAR...yes, that's right plain old granulated sugar (the theory being that the osmotic action will draw out the edema). Well, needless to say, I had never done this before (by accident or on purpose) and for a while I thought the ER doc was trying to pull one over one me (he's a known jokester). But no, another RN and I spent the next 2 hours opening those tiny sugar packets (of course, that's the only sugar we could find), pouring them into styrofoam cups and alternately sprinkling, sifting and packing this poor lady's rectum with sugar. Of course this pt is also diabetic, so we have to do Accucheck's q 30 mins (rectal mucosa absorbs the sugar, evidently). Finally, the prolapse shrinks enough, the doc decides to reduce it again. So myself, the other RN and the doc go in, and each time the doc tries to fix it, the pt bears against it and pushes it back out. So I grab the silk tape and tell the doc, on the count of 3... He pushes it back in, the other nurse clamps the cheeks together, and I wrap her butt in silk tape. Without a doubt, this was the most BIZARRE thing I had ever witnessed or done. I swear, this is true, I couldn't make this up! Oh, BTW, pt was admitted for surgery the next morning. Called report to the floor, told the entire story then the nurse asks,
    Do you have an order to tape her butt cheeks? What the ??????
    :chuckle
  5. by   DirtRoads
    lol lol lol!!![quote=curlyfries]just before a new nurse graduate lifted a patient's gown to give an insulin injection, she said to the older gentleman, "there'll be a little prick" the 89 year old man, with a twinkle in his eye, returned, "oh, so you are a psychic, as well as a nurse!"[/quote]
  6. by   nursetrese
    I was a nursing student when this little man asked me to put him on the bed pan.. so I did this with ease and told him I would return...to this day I still dont know why the hell I put both side rails down to remove him from the bed pan... I gently push him on his side all the while saying " a little farther,,,a little farther......until you guessed it.....I pushed him right off the other side.... immediately I panicked and thought about running out of the room.....( I could see my licence being ripped apart).. as I am heading for the door he yells out " Teresa help me up" omg now he knows who i am......so I go back to the bed and put both side rails up.... Then I go to the other side of the bed where the patient is on the floor and as god as my witness I scream the loudest scream of my life when I looked down on the floor and saw this little naked man with no legs...........I screamed " where are your legs"""" and he screamed " Vietnam""" I swear to god I thought I broke them both off in the fall.......then the teacher comes walking in... sees the patient on the floor,,, both side rails up and says " what happened here"? I looked her straight in the eye and said " you know how double amputees are? they are wiggley..... I think he wiggled through the bars....... yes I said it....
  7. by   SaraO'Hara
    Ahahahaha! That gives me the most hilarious mental images you can imagine!
  8. by   jen620
    Too funny! The first time I experienced a prolapsed uterus was in my first few weeks of being a nurse aide... my co-workers told me (with the straightest faces) that the woman had a penis. I almost quit after that....:roll
  9. by   hipab4hands
    I had 2 "sundowners".
    #1 patient insisted that that here were kittens running all over the unit and sometimes, at 2 or 3 in the morning, you would hear her calling, "Here kitty, kitty."
    #2 patient was in her late 80's. Every evening, her high school "boyfriend" would make an "appearance" in her room. The patient would insist that "Al" was in the room with her, but staff couldn't let her father know, because she wasn't allowed to have male visitors.
  10. by   organichombre
    This was not funny at the time for me but the rest of the shift got a big laugh. I was a new LPN working for an agency at a nursing home. We had an AA female who was schizophrenic and needed an in/out cath q6 for 2 days. On the night shift of course, so I was kinda leery about it from the start. I walked into her room from the hallway which was dimly lit, into pitch black nothingness. I groped around for the light for what seemed an eternity. Finally I found it, and as I turned back towards the room the patient was standing not 6 inches from my face! I bout died! But, I did the i/o cath w/o incidence.
  11. by   organichombre
    Got another one! I was one of only two or 3 men on one night at the hospital I've worked at for 20 years. I was called to our miniscule ER at the time to help find a AA pt that had escaped but was supposedly somewhere on the 2nd floor, radiology area. A security guard and my self found him hiding in a closet and of course he was naked! He was headed to psych (surprise, surprise!). We got on the elevator and as soon as the door closed he punched the security guard knocking him to the floor. Instinctively I jumped on him to prevent any further injuries to either us or him! They had phoned ahead to psych that we were on the way, so when the doors open, here I am holding down a quite large naked black man, which as you can imagine was quite a sight!
  12. by   dawnb70
    I am an LPN working in a Long Term Care Facility. Something funny happens everyday it seems. But there are a couple incidents that will stick with me forever! My first week on the job, fresh out of school, I had to change a foley catheter on a man. A short time after I had changed it he started hollering, "My noodle's over my nubbin'." He yelled it over and over, and I didn't have a clue what he was so upset about. He would often sing and yell throughout the night, so that wasn't anything new. After it went on for several minutes I thought I should go and investigate. Well, it turned out that I had forgotten to retract the foreskin when I was done. The poor man was in a lot of discomfort. I immediately corrected the situation, but I had to laugh at my own stupidity later!! And now I know what "my noodle's over my nubbin'" means!

    Another funny story....one of my male residents wheeled up to me in his wheelchair and asked me where the hen house was. I told him that I didn't know where it was, and asked him why he needed to go to the hen house. He said "to wet my noodle". Once again I was drawing a blank about what he was meaning. I thought maybe he needed to urinate. So I simply reiterated, "You want to wet your noodle?". "Yes", he said, "and how much do you charge?" I nearly lost it on the spot!! I have never been mistaken for a prostitute before!! It's the funny things that happen at work that make it all worthwhile sometimes!!
  13. by   Dan.Ed
    psychiatric unit 15 years ago.... staff had not had good crisis training. A young bipolar woman was combative and someone called a code security. By the time all of the staff had caught up with the lady she was in the door way to her room trying to take out as many staff as she could with her feet. (She actually knew karate) Because she was standing in the doorway staff could get in front of her and behind her , but not to her sides... Someone yelled "get her feet". A security guard bent over and grabbed hold of one leg and began tugging trying to get her on her back on the floor. Unfortunately the leg he grabbed belonged to the charge nurse who fell to the floor with her feet over her head and her skirt 'up to there", as she fell she was holding on to the pt who also fell, as the patient fell everybody who was holding onto her lost their balance and fell, too. But as we all lay in the floor struggling nobody let go of any body part they were holding on to... the security guard still had the charge nurse by the leg, who by this time was shouting "let go of me" and struggling for all she was worth. I tried to dislodge the security guard from the charge nurse, but he thought my hands on him belonged to the patient so he started twisting the charge nurse's leg. everybody starting screaming and yelling and the patient finally calmed down ( I think because it was becoming apparent to even a bipolar person that someone was getting ready to break something on somebody real soon). When it was finally over the charge nurse could barely walk ; I felt like I'd been dragged by a truck, and everybody else was scraped up and pitiful --- but I still couldn't stop laughing.. dan

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