Redneck Humour

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.

3. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

4. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.

5. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

6. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

9. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

10. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

11. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

12. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

13. You have used a rag for a gas cap.

14. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

15. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

16. You can spit without opening your mouth.

17. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

18. You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

19. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

20. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

21. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

22. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

23. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

24. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

25. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

26. You've asked the preacher, "How's it hangin'?

27. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

I FOUND MORE!

YOU'RE A REDNECK IF :

You think a stock tip is advice about groomin your hogs

"He needed killin" is a valid defense

You have an "Elvis" jello mould

Your wife owns a home made fur coat

You and your dog use the same tree

You vacuum your bed rather than change the sheet

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains

A "Say No To Crack" sign reminds you to pull up your pants

Your PC keyboard only goes up to #6

Your wife keeps a spit cup on the ironing board

You like "mater samiches"

Bondo is the primary color of your car

Your diploma says, "From the Trucking Institute"

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader

You've been too drunk to fish

Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack

You say, "It's so dry, the trees are bribin the dogs"

You got your wifes phone # from a wall in a bars restroom

You borrowed dads tractor for your first date

E-I-E-I-O is how you spell farm

On your job application, under "sex", you put "as often as
possible"

You can tell your age by the number of rings in your batbtub

You use a weedwacker in your living room

Your beer can collection is considred a tourist attraction in
your town

Going to the bathroom at night requires shoes and a flashight

Your patio set doubles for your parlor set

You painted your car with house paint

Your junior prom had a daycare center

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline

You have more buckles than pants

You have more than 6 cousins named Bubba

You carried a fishin pole into Sea World

One of your kids was born on a pool table

You think safe sex is a padded headboard

You take more garbage OUT of the dump than you brought

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does

You think a quarter horse is a ride outside of Wal Mart

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the drive in

Your Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife

The blue book value of your car depends on how much gas is in it

Your dad walks you to school cause you're both in the same grade

You think duel air bags refers to your wife and your
mother-in-law

Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather

You fall OFF the floor laughing at the above