Nursing Home Humor

  1. A friend emailed this to me today and I thought you guys might get a kick out of it. I hope it hasn't been posted before.



    An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.

    One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.

    'Yes, Nurse Tracy,' said Mr. Goldstein, 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

    Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.'

    The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.

    'Mr. Goldstein,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

    'But, Nurse Tracy,' replied Mr. Goldstein, 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'

    'Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

    'Well,' he replied, 'Today's the viewing.'
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   LPNJessi
    Question: Why do they give the men nursing homes Viagra?

    Answer: To keep them from rolling out of bed.
  4. by   jetscreamer101
    Quote from LPNJessi
    Question: Why do they give the men nursing homes Viagra?

    Answer: To keep them from rolling out of bed.


    Kinda like a kick stand? (or whatever those things are on bikes to keep them from falling over)
  5. by   CHATSDALE
    lol how do people come up with stuff like this
  6. by   Pheebz777
    In a nursing home, 3 elderly women in their 90's were reminiscing about the good ol days. All being hard of hearing, they motioned their hands to better elaborate and provide a better picture.

    Elderly #1:
    "I remember when tomatoes were only 2 cents a peice and were this large and round".

    Elderly #2:
    "Oh yes indeed! I remember when cucumbers were only 5 cents a piece and were this long and huge."

    Elderly #3:
    "Well, I can't hear a damn thing you two are saying, but I do remember that guy you're both talking about."
  7. by   Grammyx6
    Resident to CNA:
    "Honey, I think I'm starting to slow down. I just can't do things like I used to." Why is this funny? She was 104 years old!:flowersfo
  8. by   Rizpah
    Here's one my mother sent me - made me think about a few of our residents we've had over the years........

    Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a Flower Show was in progress.
    One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring; we never have any fun anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower Show!"
    "You're on!" said the other old lady holding up a $5.00 bill.
    The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely nude, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the Flower Show.
    Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The naked and smiling old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd. "What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
    "I won 1st Prize as Best Dried Arrangement!" <noscript></noscript><link media="all" href="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/pim/r/medici/16_3/mail/us/mail_ice_all.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"><script src="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/pim/r/medici/16_3/mail/mailcommonlib.js" type="text/javascript"></script><style type="text/css">.replbq{width:100%}</style><script type="text/javascript"> var LetterVals = { UIStrings : { __last : 'not used' }, StateDynamic : true, yplus_browser : false, premium_user : false, smsintl : "", SidebarSyncActionType : "read", SidebarSyncAuxActionType : "", SidebarSyncUID : "33566", SidebarSyncAuxUID : "", getString : function(id) { var result = this.UIStrings[id]; if ( result == null ) { return "Not translated: '" + id + "'"; } return result; } } </script><script src="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/pim/r/medici/16_3/mail/letter.js" type="text/javascript"></script><script src="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/s2/yshortcuts_1.1.31.js"></script><script src="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/s2/ysc_mail_config_1.1.31_us.js"></script><script type="text/javascript"> var YAHOO = window.YAHOO ? window.YAHOO : {}; if ( !YAHOO.ShortcutsExt ){ YAHOO.ShortcutsExt = {}; YAHOO.ShortcutsExt.CustomConfiguration = {}; } YAHOO.ShortcutsExt.CustomConfiguration.PartnerName = "Yahoo!"; YAHOO.ShortcutsExt.CustomConfiguration.HelpUrl = "http://help.yahoo.com/us/mail/shortcuts"; </script><link href="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/common/widgets/2/container/css/container_2.0.5.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"><link href="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/s2/yshortcuts_1.1.31.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"><table class="applicationcontainer managementview" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr valign="top"><td class="content">
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