Nurse Humor | allnurses

Nurse Humor

  1. 0 nurse humor :chuckle

    q: did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?
    a: it took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

    you know you're a nurse if:

    you believe every patient needs tlc:
    thorazine, lorazepam and compazine.

    you would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley
    one night.

    you believe not all patients are annoying...some are just unconscious....or tubed and sedated...

    your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.

    you know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.

    almost everything can seem humorous.....eventually.

    you can only tell time with a 24-hour clock.

    when asked, "what color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes. :roll

    every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the
    scissors and clamps in your pockets.

    you can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing you than he can.

    you carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.

    you refuse to watch er because it's too much like the real thing and triggers "flash backs."

    you check the caller id when the phone rings on your day off to see if someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask you to work.

    you've been telling stories in a restaurant, and had someone at another table throw up.

    you notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.

    every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you (and they are all from the drug reps!).

    you can intubate your friends at parties.

    you don't get excited about blood loss...unless it's your own.

    you live by the motto, "to be right is only 1/4 of the battle, and to
    convince the physician is the rest of the battle."

    you've basted your thanksgiving turkey with a toomey syringe.

    you've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.

    eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

    your bladder can expand to the same size as a winnebago's water tank.

    when checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.

    you find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines (or, can see a fetal heart tracing in a crack in the sidewalk!).

    you can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner, break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.

    you avoid unhealthy looking shoppers (or pregnant women) in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do cpr (or a delivery) on your day off.

    you've sworn you're going to have "dnr" tattooed on your chest.

    me
    Last edit by CEN35 on Mar 8, '02
    •  
  2. 13 Comments

  3. Visit  sharann profile page
    #1 0
    Dang! I must be a nurse since these attributes look awfully familiar (especially the checking out of strangers veins in the market...)
    These are funny!
  4. Visit  sunnynurse profile page
    #2 0
    too cute and too true!!
  5. Visit  lizzyb profile page
    #3 0
    oh yes i love the "being right is 1/4 the battle.." made me laugh out loud!!
  6. Visit  nur.bmb profile page
    #4 0
    You mean I'm not the only one!!!

    Not only customers inline at stores, but even your husband and friends when you play cards (on the rare social occasion). My husband has called me a 'vampire' for 25 years.
  7. Visit  mpratt profile page
    #5 0
    i want to write a boo about the chief complaints some pt's come into the ED with.My favorites are:
    chaped lips
    cut chin on a telephone pole
  8. Visit  blitz profile page
    #6 0
    Hehehe!
    There's also the thinking that drinking ginger ale out of a new urinal is perfectly normal! This posting really made me laugh! Thanks CEN35....
  9. Visit  jmsrn profile page
    #7 0
    Reading these I actually related to almost all of them at one time or another. I once was sitting at a restaurant when the waiter brought out the chicken we had ordered and I blerted out, "it looks like a new born laying on its side" I looked around and everyone at my table had gotten up and left me sitting there alone. OOPS! I am more areful now about commenting on what the food looks like when out in public.
  10. Visit  ZASHAGALKA profile page
    #8 0
    The police were investigating a murder and trying to find out the identity of the victim. They didn't know anything about the poor person except that she was a nurse.

    How did they know that?

    Stomach was empty, bladder full, a%$ chewed on. . .

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
  11. Visit  pugmum profile page
    #9 0
    Quote from cen35
    nurse humor :chuckle

    q: did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?
    a: it took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

    you know you're a nurse if:

    you believe every patient needs tlc:
    thorazine, lorazepam and compazine.

    you would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley
    one night.

    you believe not all patients are annoying...some are just unconscious.
    ...or tubed and sedated...

    your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.

    you know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.

    almost everything can seem humorous.....eventually.

    you can only tell time with a 24-hour clock.

    when asked, "what color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes. :roll

    every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the
    scissors and clamps in your pockets.

    you can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing you than he can.

    you carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.

    you refuse to watch er because it's too much like the real thing and triggers "flash backs."

    you check the caller id when the phone rings on your day off to see if someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask you to work.

    you've been telling stories in a restaurant, and had someone at another table throw up.

    you notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.

    every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you (and they are all from the drug reps!).

    you can intubate your friends at parties.

    you don't get excited about blood loss...unless it's your own.

    you live by the motto, "to be right is only 1/4 of the battle, and to
    convince the physician is the rest of the battle."

    you've basted your thanksgiving turkey with a toomey syringe.

    you've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.

    eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

    your bladder can expand to the same size as a winnebago's water tank.

    when checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.

    you find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines (or, can see a fetal heart tracing in a crack in the sidewalk!).

    you can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner, break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.

    you avoid unhealthy looking shoppers (or pregnant women) in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do cpr (or a delivery) on your day off.

    you've sworn you're going to have "dnr" tattooed on your chest.

    me
    sad, but true!!!!!
  12. Visit  MMARN profile page
    #10 0
    hahahahahahahaha!!!! I'm not a nurse yet, but I've seen some nurses during my clinical days doing some of these things!!! :roll
  13. Visit  dukeRN profile page
    #11 0
    Just heard this joke this week at a CCRN Review, but it's best told in a first person-like story:

    So, I have this pt in the ICU, r/o MI, and the unit is slammed, just finished a code, all of the beds are full, the night was ruined before it even started. . Well, since my MI pt has been stable, just breathing on CPAP for the night and waiting on the last set on enzymes, he has to go out to the floor so that the ER can send up a "fresh one". So here I am, catching up on charting, running around to pack up my pts stuff and prepare him to go out to the floor, and he taps me on the arm and says "Are my testicles black?". I think "I must not have heard him right" and ask him to repeat, and he says again "Are my testicles black?". So I look at my flowsheet, don't see anything about that under my GU assessment, think "I would have remembered if I'd seen THAT!" and tell him, "your testicles were fine" and go on running around to pack him up.

    So, I get him packed up, and am pushing him down the hall to his new room and I start thinking "what if there really IS something wrong with his testicles? What if I missed something?" And as soon as I get him settled in his new room, I figure, "I'd better take a peek at what he's talking about". So I say, "I'm just going to peek at your groin sir" and pull up the gown, move the scrotum around for a thorough inspection, and lo and behold, his testicles are fine. I cover him back up, look him in the eye and tell him "Your testicles are fine sir. Can I get you anything else before I go back upstairs?" and he pulls off the CPAP mask and says "Are my test results back?"
    Can't tell you how hard I laughed when the woman told us this story!
  14. Visit  carlarn profile page
    #12 0
    You know you are a nurse if:

    you think TSTL is an appropriate diagnosis (too stupid to live);
    you think prozac, xanax, valium or some other mood alterator should be pumped through the ventilation system of the hospital;
    you think everyone who walks into your ED should be MRI/CT scanned as they walk through the door just to save time;
    you think some people are taking up good air space;
    you get phone calls from people you don't even know to ask you a medical question because they don't want to go the doctor;
    you see a car accident and you think you should stop to help;
    you find humor in even the most disgusting things;
    your dog throws up on you and you don't even bat an eye;
    you assume everyone that walks into the ED is lying;
    you can read the doctor's handwriting that even the doctor can't read;
    you tell your own children, "if there is no blood/obvious broken bones/fever/vomiting/diarrhea, you can still go to school";
    you make your family observe the 24 hour rule: "if it is still swollen/painful in 24 hours then we will go to the doctor or ED" (unless it involves the previous entry);
    people tell you how much of a buzz kill you are because you see the bad in everything;
    you refer to death or heaven as the ECU (eternal care unit. I heard this from someone I worked with);
    you have ever told someone who is dying to "go toward the light";
    you can name every slang term for both male and female genitals;
    you can keep a straight face when you are changing linens for a morbidly obsese patient that loudly passes gas when they are turned to be cleaned up;
    you don't follow the "10/20/30 second rule" for food that has fallen onto the foor;
    you won't let anyone use your pen because you don't know where their hands have been;
    you shadow a doctor who is using your stethoscope/pen because he/she is notorious for walking off with equipment;
    you think ice/heat/rest/tylenol/ibuprofen/maalox/prune juice/imodium/pepto bismol/fluids/tincture of time are the treatments for whatever ails a patient;
    you feel completely cynical/jaded about life but still see much humor in it anyway.

close