New element: Administratium

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered.

The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons
and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it does have 1 neutron,
125
assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant neutrons, giving
it
an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in the
nucleus
by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles
called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in
contact. According to the discoverers, a tiny amount of Administratium
caused one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally
occur in less than 1 second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately 3 years. At this
time
it doesn't actually decay but instead undergoes reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases
after each reorganization.

researchers in other laboratories indicated that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points
such
as universities, government agencies, large corporations, and school
systems [and hospitals! ]. The element is usually found only in the
newest, best-appointed and
best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can destroy any productive reactions where it is
allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but
results
are not promising.