My first colonoscopy

by Tim Holloway RN Platinum Member

OUR FIRST COLONOSCOPY
AS WE JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE, THERE SOON COMES A TIME
WHEN WE CAN NO LONGER SAY OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND
THOUGH THEY TELL US IT WILL HAPPEN AS WE GROW OLDER
WE OFTEN PANIC WHEN OUR BOWEL HABITS BECOME SLOWER
SO WITH MY BUTT HANGING OUT, TIGHTLY CLUTCHING MY KNEES
I'M POSITIONED AND READIED FOR MY FIRST COLONOSCOPY
OVERCOME WITH DESPAIR i WHIMPER AND WHINE
AS THE THEME SONG FROM DELIVERANCE PLAYS WITH MY MIND

SOON THE DOCTOR ARRIVES AND WITH A WICKED LITTLE GRIN
TELLS ME TO CLOSE MY EYES AND RELAX, HE'S ABOUT TO BEGIN
THEN SPREADING MY CHEEKS JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE
ANNOUNCES HE'S GOING IN WHERE NO MAN HAS BEEN BEFORE
WITH THE CRACK OF MY EXISTENCE NOW TOTALLY EXPOSED
MY EYES BECOME CROSSED AS HE INSERTS HIS HOSE
FIRST IT'S IN, THEN IT'S OUT, THEN IT'S BACK IN AGAIN
OH MY DEAR GOD,
PLEASE LET THIS NIGHTMARE COME TO AN END!

WITH MORE TWISTS AND TURNS I BEGIN TO SPUTTER AND CHOKE
THE TUBE UP MY BUTT FEELS LIKE IT'S NOW IN MY THROAT
MY EYES SWELL WITH TEARS AS HE GIVES ME THE NEWS,
YOU NEED TO RELAX, I'M ONLY HALF THROUGH
THE ROOM STARTS TO SPIN, I'M ABOUT TO GO BLIND
THE THEME SONG FROM DELIVERANCE RAGES ON IN MY MIND
JUST WHEN I THINK THIS NIGHTMARE CAN'T GET ANY WORSE
I LOOK UP TO SEE NED BEATTY STANDING IN AS MY NURSE

THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING, THE AIR QUICKLY CHILLS
AS NED LEANS OVER AND WHISPERS, "LAY PERFECTLY STILL"
"OH MY GOD, IS SOMETHING WRONG?" I ANXIOUSLY CRY
"NAH, THE DOCTOR JUST GOT SOME STUFF IN HIS EYE"
AFTER WHAT SEEMED TO BE MOST OF ETERNITY TO ME
THE DOCTOR TELLS ME HE'S DONE WITH MY COLONOSCOPY
THEN LOOKING AT ME WITH HIS WICKED LITTLE GRIN
HE GIVES ME THE NEWS
YOU'RE AS CLEAN AS A WHISTLE AND SOUND LIKE ONE TOO!
TIM HOLLOWAY RN PHX AZ