From the mouths of non-nurses

I once had a female patient who had been in an MVC and had to have a trach for several weeks before she could be decannulated. So a few days after the trach was removed, I took a phone call from her boyfriend who was calling to check in on her. He asked how she was doing, and I said she was doing just fine. He then proceeded to say, "Well, I am SO glad she finally has that trigonometry out." It took me a few seconds and I was thinking what on earth is this guy talking about and then it dawns on me and I say, "You mean, her trach?" and he says, "Yes, that's what I just said, her trigonometry is out and she can finally breathe on her own!" My co-workers and I laughed so hard about that one!

Ours does that too! It always gives me a giggle. That and the creative ways they come up with to spell "Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia". Never the same twice!

While on active duty my husband had a rather hard landing from a parachute jump and caused some internal swelling. The person in charge on the ground sent him to the TMC (troop medical clinic) where they told him he had an enlarged prostate probably due to the jump but wanted to do some testing just to make sure that it was nothing else. The PA tells my husband that one of the tests they will do will be to check for prostate cancer. He calls mom and says that he had a bad jump and has some internal bruising. She wants to know what he means and he uses his prostate as an example because that is what the PA talked about most to him. She then goes on to say that he has nothing to worry about because her prostate has never given her problems.

God, I hope so! to a guy like that!

After the ER doc had spoken with the family of a little boy with an elbow dislocation the other day, I overheard Grandma ask Mom how the boy could have gotten "nurses aide's elbow."

Not nursing, but when I was in college, an international student had gotten lost. Fellows at the bus station had approached her, and she very indignantly told me they had called her "animals!". Asked what she meant, said they called her a "wolfy rooster!'. Umm, foxy chick is supposed to be a complement

When my hubby and I had first gotten together, about 6 years ago I noticed on the very first night that he 'slept over' wink, wink... that he had a horrible case of sleep apnea.
So, of course I make him go through all of the testing, getting the machine and all, and of course seeing an ENT.

Well, one day he had an appt with his PCP who asked how the consult with the ENT had gone, since he hadn't gotten the report yet...

Without hesitation, my husband to be apparently replies:

It went ok, he told me I might have to have my tonsils out, or maybe they could just shave my vulva.

He said the doctor just looked at him like he wanted to burst out laughing, with kind of a perplexed / hysterical look.
I think my husband realized he said something wrong, but didn't quite remember exactly what he had said.

When he got home and told me what he said, I almost DIED! I laughed so hard and so long I must have peed my pants... OMG it was hilarious... still makes me laugh to this day!

And, I of course had to share it with his and my family... although I think it was a few years later when I knew them a little more intimately!

Have a good laugh on my dear hubby!

My dad was having a heart cath to find out why he was having problems with high blood pressure. He was really confused, and asked me when we got home,

"Why in the world do they need to look at my heart? It's my blood pressure that's the problem."

Had a patient glare at me with this angry face insisting she had "wingworm" and wanted to be treated for wingworm, and who were we anyway this nurse practitioner (my preceptor) and her student who obviously knew nothing about wingworm!!!

She was so serious too.

For days we said to each other "I want to be tweated for wingworm!" and just about died.

I am wounded to the core, truly. Seriously though, it was humorous.