Mens rules

  1. Sorry if this has been posted before....

    Dave

    The Rules - This Time By Men

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
    here are the rules from the male side. These are our
    rules! Please note, these are all numbered "1", On
    Purpose!


    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
    If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
    down. You don't hear us whining about you leaving it
    down.

    1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
    quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
    again!

    1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with
    it.

    1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
    changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
    more attractive than short hair. One of the big
    reasons guys fear getting married is that married
    women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck
    with her.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
    going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
    one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
    work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
    anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
    beforehand.

    1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
    makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
    pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
    almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
    solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
    girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem.
    See a doctor.

    1. Check your oil! Please.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
    argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
    after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
    girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
    ask us. We refuse to answer.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
    and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
    the other one.

    1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
    genetic.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
    how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it,
    just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
    say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
    neither do we.

    1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
    the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
    And quit whining to your girlfriends.

    1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
    settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a
    color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
    mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
    lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
    little we care about you.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
    will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
    but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
    expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
    you wear is fine. Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
    are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
    shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless
    it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't
    really matter what they're saying anyway.)

    1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take
    the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    1. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    1. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to
    sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really
    don't mind that, it's like camping.
    •  
  2. 50 Comments

  3. by   Brownms46
  4. by   SmilingBluEyes
    There is a GIRL's rules that opposes this; I need to go dig it up.....thanks for the laughs.
  5. by   zudy
    I think my ex-husbands got together and wrote this.
  6. by   Glad2behere
    HIGH FIVE!!!!

    I REALLY NEEDED VALIDATION THAT I AM AN ABSOLUTELY NORMAL GUY....

    I WOULD RATHER BE STABBED THAN HAVE A WOMAN CRY ON ME....NO WAY TO FIX IT...JUST LIKE A FLOOD, HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE WATER TO RECEDE.

    I really like these rules...now if I can just find a woman that won't start crying when she reads them!
  7. by   ptnurse
  8. by   cbs3143
    Yeah, what he said!

    Thanks Dave

    Chuck
  9. by   live4today
    Dave.......I wasn't smiling or laughing when I read those MENS RULES...............all but TWO of them hit too close to BOTH my marriages...........nice to be reminded that MEN are such SHICK-HEADS afterall......and that you all DO fall from the same SEED. Now.......that I'll laugh at!

    On to the two things that hubby does NOT agree with, and I second it........(1) short hair is not bad for ALL men....I have short hair and hubby LOVES IT!!! When it was long, he liked it.....no matter if I were bald....he'd love it.......he doesn't base his love for me or any woman he has ever had in his life on the LENGTH of her hair. Maybe it's a "culture thing"....

    The second thing is THE BEER one......hubby doesn't drink....so.........
  10. by   midwestRN
    I was married for 10 years before I realized all these rules are true. Guys really are all the same and there really is nothing going on under the hair on their head.
  11. by   RNforLongTime
    Very funny Dave! I can relate being married to a guy!
  12. by   adrienurse
    Are we really that annoying? Come on, admit it. You love us anyway!
  13. by   live4today
    Originally posted by midwestRN
    I was married for 10 years before I realized all these rules are true. Guys really are all the same and there really is nothing going on under the hair on their head.

    Amen midwestRN! :chuckle :roll :chuckle
  14. by   UKRNinUSA
    Round is a shape-I like that!

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