A Little Lightness For Our Day

I saw a wonam wearing a T-shirt that said "GUESS"...I said "implants?"

I don't do drugs anymore,'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.

Money can't buy happiness,but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I got a sweater for Christmas....I wanted a screamer or moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do thay call that place at the airport "terminal".

I don't approve of political jokes, I have seen too many of them elected.

Ther are 2 sides to every divorce...yours and Shi#head's>

If life deals you lemons,make lemonade, If it deals you tomatoes,make Bloody Marys.

I love being married. It's so great to find that obe special person you want to annoy you for the rest of your life.

I am nobody,nobody is perfect,therefore I am perfect.

I married my husband for his looks...but not the ones he's been giving me lately.

Everyday I beat my own personal record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

Why do we choose from only 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Isn't having a smoking sectionin a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

If you walk into a singles bar, remember the wisdom of your Mother..." don't pick that up,you don't know where it's been!"