Layman's Medical Dictionary

  1. I got this item from the wife of a patient of mine. It was originally titled "Bill Clinton's Medical Dictionary", so some of you may have seen it already. It made me howl!

    Artery - the study of paintings
    Bacteria - the backdoor of the cafeteria
    Bowel - letter like a,e,i,o,u
    Caeserean Section - a neighbourhood in Rome
    Cat Scan - search for kitty
    Cauterize - made eye contact with her
    Colic - a sheep dog
    D & C - where Washington is
    Dialate - to live long
    Enema - not a friend
    Fester - quicker
    Genital - not a Jew
    G.I. Series - soldier's ball game
    Hangnail - coat-hook
    Impotent - distinguished
    Labour pain - getting hurt at work
    Medical staff - a doctor's cane
    Morbid - a higher bid
    Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
    Node - was aware of
    Outpatient - a person who fainted
    Pap smear - fatherhood test
    Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
    Post Operative - letter carrier
    Recovery Room - place to do upholstery
    Rectum - dang near killed 'em
    Seizure - A Roman emperor
    Tablet - a small table
    Termial Illness - getting sick at the airport
    Tumor - more than one
    Urine - opposite of you're out
    Vein - conceited
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