HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks of course.
2. Walk to the bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make mental note--must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo - with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again just to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower and squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry off with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for even the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing a long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the
way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap.
12. Shampoo your hair (no need for conditioner).
13. Make a fun shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wienersize again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21.Wrap towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the"woo-woo" sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
Dec 15, '01
LMAO! This was pretty funny. The one about the man vaguely reminds me of a commercial that used to play down here for the Georgia Lottery in which this guy with the shampoo mohawk you mentioned was shown singing these goofy songs in the shower. Hilarious!
Dec 19, '01
What is with a guy's sick joy after leaving "hairs" on the bar of soap, just waiting to get yelled at!?!
Jan 14, '02
TOOOO Funny!! I sent it to my mom, who put it to online stationary, with a man taking a shower, with the song "I'm to sexy for my shirt" playing.!
Jan 16, '02
Taking advantage of FMLA time with the wife and daughter, huh? Actually, I believe you know my husband. He does use a facecloth, though! LMBO!
Jan 16, '02
OHHHH! The woo-woo sound!! I've heard that! I've seen that particular move! TOO TOO FUNNY!
Jan 17, '02
way 2 funny. thank the Lord he uses a bar of soap and i use dove from a squeeze bottle. lol
Jan 17, '02
I prefer the "slap your haunches and make a sound like an impatient thoroughbred at the gate" pre-shower parade.
I ALWAYS rinse the short hair off the soap.
I always try to see how quickly I can take a shower without any undue loitering.
I can be compleatly clean in under five minuets and presentable to the general public in less than ten from start to finish.
So consequently "the Queen of all that is bathing and makeup" goes first.
That's exactly right Kewl. She's got a couple of funny sounding creams and a 5 step(yes there are five seperate lotions!) skin care system from a place in Kansas City that she has shipped to her. If we need to go somewhere, that poor woman has got to get up 1 1/2 hours early.
Sep 11, '12
Wow, someone was watching my fiance shower...Should I call the cops and report a peeping Tom?
Sep 12, '12