HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see your husband along the way, cover up
any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror
- make mental note must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm
cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage
shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint
conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial
scrub for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and
Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make
sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving
bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the
toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off the shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size
of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of
a zit, tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing
gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way,
cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge
of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your
wife along the way, shake wiener at her making
the woo woo sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror
and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).
Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror...
scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you
don't use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the
water just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the
10. Majority of time is spent washing your
privates and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt leaving those coarse butt
hairs on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at
yourself in the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail
to notice water on the floor because you left
the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex
muscles, admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath
mat on the floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around
your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the
towel, shake wiener at her, and make the woo
woo sound again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed.