To: All Hospital Staff
Subject: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective immediately, this hospital will no longer provide security. Each
charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of
An additional 12 rounds will be stored in pharmacy. In addition to routine
nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital
grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the parking
In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over
security surveillance duties. The ward clerk will be responsible for
cardiac monitors and security monitors as well as regular duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to
their families know to bring something or may make arrangements with Subway
Pizza Hut to deliver. Coin-operated telephones will be available in patient
rooms for this purpose as well as for other calls the patient may wish to
Housekeeping and Physical Therapy will be combined. Mops will be issued to
those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range of motion exercises
well as a clean environment. Families and ambulatory patients may also sign
to clean the rooms of non-ambulatory patients for special discounts on their
final bill. Time cards will be provided.
As you can see on the "from" line above, hospital administration is assuming
the groundskeeping duties. If an administrator cannot be reached by calling
his/her office, it is suggested that you walk outside and listen for the
of a lawnmower, weed-whacker, etc.
Maintenance is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the
"How to..." series of maintenance books. These can be checked out from
administration, and a toolbox will be standard equipment on all nursing
We will be receiving the series at a rate of one volume every other month.
already have the volume on "Basic Wiring", but if a non-electrical problem
occurs, please try to handle it as best you can until the appropriate volume
Cutbacks in phlebotomy staff will be accommodated by only
performing blood-related tests on patients who are already
Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than
two X-rays per patient stay. This is due to the turnaround time required by
Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are being
advised to clip coupons from the Sunday paper if they want extra sets.
Photomat will also honor competitors coupons for one-hour
processing in emergency situations, so if you come across any extra coupons
please clip out and send these to ER.
In view of the hot summer temperatures, the Utilities Dept. has been asked
install individual meters in each patient room, office, etc., so that
electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately billed. Fans will
available for sale or lease in the hospital gift shop.
In addition to the current recycling programs, a bin for
collection of unused fruit and bread will soon be provided on each floor.
Families, patients, and the few remaining
employees are asked to contribute discarded produce.
Pharmacy will utilize this for antibiotic production. These will be
for purchase and, coincidentally, will soon be the only antibiotics on our