Hillbilly medical terms

  1. i am from a very small town close to the fl/ga line and i thought this was funny because i have heard more than a few of these used in actual conversations.

    benign......................what you be after you be eight.
    bacteria...................back door to cafeteria.
    barium.....................what doctors do when patients die.
    cesarean section....a neighborhood in rome.
    cat scan..................searching for kitty.
    cauterize................made eye contact with her.
    colic.......................a sheep dog.
    coma.......................a punctuation mark.
    d&c........................where washington is.
    dilate......................to live long.
    enema.....................not a friend.
    fester.....................quicker than someone else.
    fibula......................a small lie.
    g.i.series................world series of military baseball.
    hangnail..................what you hang your coat on.
    impotent.................distinguished, well known.
    labor pain..............getting hurt at work.
    medical staff.........a doctor's cane.
    morbid....................a higher offer than i bid.
    nitrates..................cheaper than day rates.
    node.......................i knew it.
    outpatient.............a person who has fainted.
    pelvis......................second cousin to elvis.
    post operative.......a letter carrier.
    recovery room......place to do upholstery.
    rectum..................damn near killed him.
    secretion...............hiding something
    seizure...................roman emperor.
    tablet....................a small table.
    terminal illness......getting sick at the airport.
    tumor....................more than one.
    urine.....................opposite of mine.
    varicose.................near by/close by.
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   mamabear4sa
    hey that was good made me laugh haven't heard thoughs in awhile. thanks for the time to laugh
  4. by   fishnets
    maltose: maltose, my knees, my shoulder my head.
    feces: a lot of fish
  5. by   seasonedlpn
    what about "oldtimers" and lumbago, and "piles" and "rhumatism". I haven't heard those for a while either.
  6. by   hockeygirl71
    nice to get a laugh I still believe its the best medicine
  7. by   nitenurse02
    Thanks for the laugh, we all need a little sometime.
  8. by   Morettia2
    One of my girlfriend, when she first became an RN at a LARGE city Hospital in Philadelphia, was working mother baby unit. My girlfriend said, what did you decide to name the baby?". The pt. looked at her and said, "Well, Since the Hospital picked my babes name, I can't rename her." My girlfriend stood there in confusion, she said, "The hospital picked your daughter's name??" The pt. said, "Yea you know that little card thing above my babes head on the crib, it said her name was Baby F-E-M-A-L-E (but the pt. pronounced it Fea-mall-eh), so I trust that the hospital knows what they are doing, so I guess that's her name ". My girlfriend said, "Oh that's actually.." She caught her self and realized the pt. was phonetically saying the name and also realized the pt. had remedial reading skills. She continued with, "that's a beautiful name, but if you know the name you want for your baby, you can name her what you want." The pt. said, "nah I trust the hospital to name my kid."

    On the Birth Certificate it says First name: Female
    but in reality it was pronounced fea-mall-eh..

    oh god when I heard this story a few years ago, I was crying i was laughing so hard. My girlfriend said, "Imagine how I felt when I saw and herd this, I had leave the room several times, b/c I could not keep a straight face."

    Another story from my same girlfriend, which had me rolling to this day, was another new mom named her kid, Shi-Thead. Ok nothing wrong with that , my girlfriend thought, then she began charting and ummmm, take away the hyphen and the capital T and make it a lower case t and well this equals disaster. My girlfriend didn;t know how to tell the new mom she just named her baby sh*thead. So she tried to tell the new mom, but before she could, the baby was in the portable crib at the bedside, with the card above the baby's head, the Aid that filled out the card didn't put Shi-Thead the way the new mom wanted it to be spelled , but wrote the name with hyphen missing and a lowercase t, the card read Baby: Sh*thead. The new mom didn't even notice it had said baby sh*thead, she just said, "Oh you spelled my son's name wrong"
    Ok not that fact that her son now has the name of sh*thead, yea needless to say my girlfriend dosen't work there anymore

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