Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."

LOLOLOL at you two. Keep 'em coming guys. I can always use a laugh at this time of day!

OMG I think that is hilarious!

renerian

I used to work for an insurance agency by the name of Sharp Insurance (the owner's last name)...

It was my duty as receptionist to answer the phones, among other things. One afternoon I picked up the phone and said, "Good Afternoon, Shark Insurance..."

When I was a nursing student I had to give this 80 year old lady a S/C needle ...it was my first time....of course there was no fatty skin anywhere on her so I chose her arm i must have scrunched my face in pain as i was giving it after I told her I was sorry I hurt her ...she said, "Dear it hurt you much more than it hurt me..."

Background info: We have three wonderful foster kids who are hispanic. They spoke primarily spanish when they came to live with us (I spoke no spanish but was making an effort to learn).
Situation: I was working in the kitchen one afternoon and a little "air biscuit" popped out. I said, "Escuche!" thinking that it meant "excuse me" instead it means "Listen up!"
The kids started dying laughing and my husband, between gasps for air explained to me what I had actually said. Three years later I am trying to live this down.

I was working one night when the night nurse came in. Her husband had dropped her off, then went to the bowling alley. She left her lunch in the car. So, she called the bowling alley to have him paged. Her last name was Ball.
She asked the person on the other line to please let her speak with one of the Balls!!!
Hilarious. I was rolling. Could hardly make it through report!!!

- When I worked in a posh hotel, a handsome guest came to the front desk to tell me he wanted to have the bathroom door removed to allow him to watch his wife take a bath and still be able to see the television. I thought he was being perverted, so after a pause I blushed and blurted helpfully, "Yes sir, I'll send the engineer up right away, and then just give me a call when you're ready so I can activate the adult movie channel in your room." He thanked me and left but never called. Later, after giggling about this to the engineer that removed the door, I found out the man wanted to watch the ball game, but his wife was very ill and needed supervision in the bathtub...

- At college on the first day of an advanced geography class we were talking about a desert in China...the Gobi. Later I raised my hand to ask a question, and called it the "Gumby" Desert. They teased me about it all semester.