Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

  1. A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.
    That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coarse. What grade would you like?"
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  2. 418 Comments

  3. by   RNtoJD
    I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."
  4. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from RNtoJD
    I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."
    Love it!
  5. by   Energizer Bunny
    LOLOLOL at you two. Keep 'em coming guys. I can always use a laugh at this time of day!
  6. by   renerian
    OMG I think that is hilarious!

    renerian
  7. by   sagelola
    I used to work for an insurance agency by the name of Sharp Insurance (the owner's last name)...

    It was my duty as receptionist to answer the phones, among other things. One afternoon I picked up the phone and said, "Good Afternoon, Shark Insurance..." :imbar
  8. by   Guppy
    When I was a nursing student I had to give this 80 year old lady a S/C needle ...it was my first time....of course there was no fatty skin anywhere on her so I chose her arm i must have scrunched my face in pain as i was giving it after I told her I was sorry I hurt her ...she said, "Dear it hurt you much more than it hurt me..."
  9. by   sb22
    Background info: We have three wonderful foster kids who are hispanic. They spoke primarily spanish when they came to live with us (I spoke no spanish but was making an effort to learn).
    Situation: I was working in the kitchen one afternoon and a little "air biscuit" popped out. I said, "Escuche!" thinking that it meant "excuse me" instead it means "Listen up!"
    The kids started dying laughing and my husband, between gasps for air explained to me what I had actually said. Three years later I am trying to live this down.
  10. by   unknown99
    I was working one night when the night nurse came in. Her husband had dropped her off, then went to the bowling alley. She left her lunch in the car. So, she called the bowling alley to have him paged. Her last name was Ball.
    She asked the person on the other line to please let her speak with one of the Balls!!!
    Hilarious. I was rolling. Could hardly make it through report!!!
  11. by   Star Trek Nerd
    - When I worked in a posh hotel, a handsome guest came to the front desk to tell me he wanted to have the bathroom door removed to allow him to watch his wife take a bath and still be able to see the television. I thought he was being perverted, so after a pause I blushed and blurted helpfully, "Yes sir, I'll send the engineer up right away, and then just give me a call when you're ready so I can activate the adult movie channel in your room." He thanked me and left but never called. Later, after giggling about this to the engineer that removed the door, I found out the man wanted to watch the ball game, but his wife was very ill and needed supervision in the bathtub...:imbar

    - At college on the first day of an advanced geography class we were talking about a desert in China...the Gobi. Later I raised my hand to ask a question, and called it the "Gumby" Desert. They teased me about it all semester.
    Last edit by Star Trek Nerd on May 24, '04
  12. by   FROGGYLEGS
    In high school I worked at a couple of fast food restaurants part-time. I worked the drive-thru at McDonalds, when I quit I went and worked the drive-thru at Taco Bell. Once, out of habit, I answered the drive-thru bell by saying "Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order please?" I didn't realize what I had said until the people in the car starting ordering Big Macs and laughed.
  13. by   Metron
    Quote from FROGGYLEGS
    In high school I worked at a couple of fast food restaurants part-time. I worked the drive-thru at McDonalds, when I quit I went and worked the drive-thru at Taco Bell. Once, out of habit, I answered the drive-thru bell by saying "Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order please?" I didn't realize what I had said until the people in the car starting ordering Big Macs and laughed.
    Another Mc'D's story - My husband used to work in a little Mc Donald's in the back of a wal-mart. The most hated times in his life were when the toy in the happy meal was a beanie baby. people would call all day long to find out which one they had that day. It got to where they would answer the phone and say Thank you for calling MacMArt, we have the bear (or whatever). At that point the person calling would hang up. One particular day, the one they were selling was the lobster. My hubby's boss answered the phone and said "Thank you for calling MacMart, we have crabs." :imbar :chuckle




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  14. by   Rapheal
    My McDonalds story. I was waiting in the drive thru a very long time. Had my neices in the car with me. I was trying to be in a pleasant mood and when we pulled up to get our food I said " A little short handed today?" The man at the window just looked at me without responding. He starts to hand me our food. He has a deformity where both his arms basically in stubs. I was mortified.

    Dead silence in the car as we pull out. My neice says "Good going Auntie". The other neices break out in laughter. I will never forget it.

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