Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 8

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   AmyB
    Quote from santhony44
    I can't say I regretted this one, but it was definitely a case of my mouth operating ahead of my brain.

    Many years ago I worked in a burn unit that was having MRSA problems. The infection control nurse cultured everyone and guess who was the culprit? One of the residents. Anyway, along with the MRSA we had a run of patients who didn't do well for a variety of reasons. This resident was sort of a smart *** and not one of my favorites. We also had a nurse who was one of those who was defnitely out to get her MD. She was a cute girl but related to most of the docs, who were mostly male, with being flirtatious, etc etc, just annoyed me no end.

    I was in the nurses' lounge one day when this resident and this nurse came in. They were carrying on a conversation- she was complimenting him on his shirt, a chamois cloth thing as I recall. She said "that looks like a hunting shirt, do you like to hunt?" He started to say "No, I don't like going out in the woods and killing things...." and before he could go any farther, my mouth opened and out came:"No, he prefers doing it in the comfort and safety of the hospital!" I promise, it just bypassed my filtering mechanism altogether, I knew I was thinking it the same time they did! They both just stared at me with their mouths hanging open.
    That was great!!!
  2. by   wannabemw
    Quote from nightngale1998
    That post was so funny gale!

    I always laugh when I say the saying that a long time ago friend would say for: You are such a smart fellow, and say "You are such a fart smeller"... lol... it still makes me chuckle.
    LOL... my dad used to say this! He died 3 years ago, thanks for making me smile and remember!
    ~MJ
  3. by   wannabemw
    "Given the time of the morning, the guy placing his order asked if I wanted that picture with or without clothes!"

    Took me a minute...but ILMBO!!!
    Thanks!
    ~MJ
  4. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from Lenap
    This happened little over a year ago. 1 day after I was send home with my newborn I had difficulty breastfeeding my baby, so I paged my OB/GYN . Shortly I received a call back displayed as "U of P" on my caller id. I picked up the phone assuming this was my doctor calling from the hospital. The lady on the phone said she received my message and was asking how she can help me. I told her "I am having firmness in my breasts and my baby refusing to breastfeed. What should I do?" After a long pause, she said "I don't know anything about that!"
    Turns out she was calling from University of Phoenix online program, because I send her an email few days before that asking about their distance learning program. How embarrassing!!!!!!!
    Embarrassing for you, but really hilarious! Sounds like my story when I called the lumber company wanting to ask if they had tarpaper but instead blurted out toilet paper.:imbar The guy on the other end would not let me off the phone. He laughed and teased and then he laughed and teased some more. I did not want to go there to pick up the tarpaper, but I needed it, so I did go.
  5. by   AmethystVeralyn
    An elderly patient told her aide,
    "I can tell by your eyes you were never married."
  6. by   VivaLasViejas
    My DH and I were reminiscing tonight (it's our anniversary) and a particularly embarrassing moment from our early years together came up in the conversation:

    Bill was working at a local car dealership back then, and I often called him on his lunch break to whisper 'sweet nothings' and suggest......well.....new things we might try later that evening. So this one day I called, and when he came on the phone I started with "Hi, you sexy thang!" and proceeded to tell him, in excruciating detail, what I had planned for us that night. When I finally finished, there was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, then a burst of laughter as he answered, "Well, what you've told me is VERY interesting, and I'd love to take you up on that offer.....but I think you may want to let your husband in on it first!" :imbar

    Turned out that the man who'd answered the phone was also named Bill, and his voice sounded so much like MY Bill's that I'd mistaken him for my DH!! Talk about embarrassed!! And it didn't help that the guy kept teasing me about it for months afterward.......whenever a call for Bill was announced over the loudspeaker, he'd answer the phone and go "Hey, you sexy thang!" :imbar :imbar :imbar
  7. by   NeuroICURN
    Quote from santhony44
    I can't say I regretted this one, but it was definitely a case of my mouth operating ahead of my brain.

    Many years ago I worked in a burn unit that was having MRSA problems. The infection control nurse cultured everyone and guess who was the culprit? One of the residents. Anyway, along with the MRSA we had a run of patients who didn't do well for a variety of reasons. This resident was sort of a smart *** and not one of my favorites. We also had a nurse who was one of those who was defnitely out to get her MD. She was a cute girl but related to most of the docs, who were mostly male, with being flirtatious, etc etc, just annoyed me no end.

    I was in the nurses' lounge one day when this resident and this nurse came in. They were carrying on a conversation- she was complimenting him on his shirt, a chamois cloth thing as I recall. She said "that looks like a hunting shirt, do you like to hunt?" He started to say "No, I don't like going out in the woods and killing things...." and before he could go any farther, my mouth opened and out came:"No, he prefers doing it in the comfort and safety of the hospital!" I promise, it just bypassed my filtering mechanism altogether, I knew I was thinking it the same time they did! They both just stared at me with their mouths hanging open.
    OMG....I think I just about peed myself!!! :roll
  8. by   NeuroICURN
    Quote from AmethystVeralyn
    An elderly patient told her aide,
    "I can tell by your eyes you were never married."
    I don't get it...what am I missing???
  9. by   Ari RN
    Quote from nightngale1998
    Recently, while working a shift in LTC, a resident asked me to guess her age. Well... Honestly, she looked 90 and had the personality of an angel. She bubbled around the facility in a walker with her rotund body.

    I, in my "wisdom" replyed quickly "75"! Her face dropped, she told me she was 69 and soon to be 70 :imbar !!!
    This one CRACKS me up!
  10. by   galenight
    As I mentioned in this post previously, I sometimes turn my words around. Well, we were in Chicago this weekend and there was an Irish pub dowstairs called Kitty O'Shea's. So I said.. hey, let's go to Shi--y Okays....LOL... no I hadn't had anything to drink yet.
  11. by   AmethystVeralyn
    Quote from NeuroICURN
    I don't get it...what am I missing???
    The office staff who were the first to hear about this
    comment burst into hysterics.
    One said, "Do I have a desperate look in my eyes?"

    You can tell by someones eyes if they're losing blood
    or if they have drugs in their system but can you
    look in their eyes and tell they were never married?
  12. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from mjlrn97
    My DH and I were reminiscing tonight (it's our anniversary) and a particularly embarrassing moment from our early years together came up in the conversation:

    Bill was working at a local car dealership back then, and I often called him on his lunch break to whisper 'sweet nothings' and suggest......well.....new things we might try later that evening. So this one day I called, and when he came on the phone I started with "Hi, you sexy thang!" and proceeded to tell him, in excruciating detail, what I had planned for us that night. When I finally finished, there was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, then a burst of laughter as he answered, "Well, what you've told me is VERY interesting, and I'd love to take you up on that offer.....but I think you may want to let your husband in on it first!" :imbar

    Turned out that the man who'd answered the phone was also named Bill, and his voice sounded so much like MY Bill's that I'd mistaken him for my DH!! Talk about embarrassed!! And it didn't help that the guy kept teasing me about it for months afterward.......whenever a call for Bill was announced over the loudspeaker, he'd answer the phone and go "Hey, you sexy thang!" :imbar :imbar :imbar
    I love it, Marla. it's a typical you thing. Just think about the memories you're making for yourself and others.
  13. by   VivaLasViejas
    Quote from Franemtnurse
    I love it, Marla. it's a typical you thing. Just think about the memories you're making for yourself and others.
    Oh yeah, well I'm just thrilled....... :imbar

    Another time I let my face fly open before asking my brain for permission, was when I met the new plastic surgeon in town, from whom I'd received a flyer in the mail with information about the services he was offering. I shook his hand, said my how-do-you-do's, and then this came out: "You look much more handsome in person than you do in your picture!" :imbar He thought it was funny, as did my co-workers, who have never let me live that one down.

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