Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

An FP that I am friends with told me that his wife wanted to have at least 4 more children after the one they had at the time, by the time she was 35. Since that wasn't far off I said "Well, you'd better get humping, then!"


He just stared at me. I turned around without a word and moved on down the hall with a beet-red face.

OMG!!! My side hurt from laughing at that

I often have the tendency to speak first and think last. I try to warn people that my mouth has a mind of it's own.

Once, during orientation for our community nursing clinical rotation, our instructor was discussing the different places we would go to and what was expected of us (attire, equipment to take, name tags, etc.). He finally came to Behavioral Health and told us that we needed to wear street clothes that were professional quality, not to wear our name tags (since they have both our first and last name on them), and that we probably wouldn't need our stethescopes. To this last part I quickly replied with, "not unless you want to hear the voices in their heads." Everyone busted up laughing and a friend of mine told me later that she couldn't believe I said that.

I once had a friend who was a bit on the obese side. One day, we went to visit her at her place of work which happened to be a video rental place. The movies where kept on tall shelves that were only a foot away from the ceiling. She squatted down to get a movie from under the counter and had a difficult time getting back up. My mother joked about using a cattle prod to help her get up and my friend said that she would probably end up doing flips over the shelves if she did. Without thinking I said, "now THAT I'd like to see."

I'm sure there are plenty of other times where my mouth has gotten me into trouble, just can't remember them.

My mother is just as bad as I am. We were standing in line at McDonald's one day and there just so happened to be a police officer standing in the line next to us. Upon noticing this, my mother stated loud enough for the whole place to hear, "gee, I thought they just ate donuts." Should have seen the look he shot her.

Many moons ago I worked at a restaurant called the "Catfish Shack". During orientation, the hostesses had to practice over the mike "Good afternoon, welcome to the Catfish Shack". After many practices, it was my turn for the mike where I calmly said "Good afternoon, Welcome to the CATSHIT FACK".


It's been over twenty years, and I still have to concentrate really hard and speak really slow to say it correctly.

I have the same problem with two place names: a little fresh-produce-and-petting-zoo out in Valley Center, CA called "Bates Nut Farm" (Nate's Butt Farm ) and Grants Pass, OR (Grass Pants). I really have to slow down and think about what I'm saying, or I'll screw those up every time.

While a newbie on the job I was offered some plant clippings from one of my co-workers. Being somewhat of a poor green thumb I declined saying "No thanks, I kill living things." oh, what a think for a nurse to say! lol She really cracked up at that and I spent the day getting teased.