Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 6

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   VivaLasViejas
    A co-worker reminded me last night of a little faux pas of mine some months ago......

    I was being introduced to one of the new doctors, a plastic surgeon whose brochure I happened to have at home, and before my brain was engaged, my mouth was in fifth gear: "Oh, you're much better-looking in person than you are in your picture!" :imbar :imbar :imbar
  2. by   Hellllllo Nurse
    Quote from 2ndgenerationnurse
    i asked my pt last night if he knew what year it is; he replied, "1999"
    to which i said, "no it is 2002" :chuckle


    may i adapt a saying my husband likes and say... when orrienting a confused pt make sure he is not equally needing to orrient you!
    Rotfl!

    I work with a male dialysis tech who is very small. Although he's in his 20s, he is the size of a 7 or 8 yr old boy.

    He recently said "little prick, here." before he stuck a pt. I couldn't help thinking "Yeah, I bet."


    I was working at an inpt hospice, when a pt remarked to the charge nurse what a nice place our unit was. The nurse replied, "Yes, people are dying to get in here."
    She was mortified. The pt was gracious enough to just smile. :imbar
  3. by   Farkinott
    [quote=hellllllo nurse]rotfl!

    i work with a male dialysis tech who is very small. although he's in his 20s, he is the size of a 7 or 8 yr old boy.

    he recently said "little prick, here." before he stuck a pt. i couldn't help thinking "yeah, i bet."


    one thing is true. you never hear a woman bragging about how big they are!
  4. by   Farkinott
    Quote from hellllllo nurse
    rotfl!

    i work with a male dialysis tech who is very small. although he's in his 20s, he is the size of a 7 or 8 yr old boy.

    he recently said "little prick, here." before he stuck a pt. i couldn't help thinking "yeah, i bet."


    i was working at an inpt hospice, when a pt remarked to the charge nurse what a nice place our unit was. the nurse replied, "yes, people are dying to get in here."
    she was mortified. the pt was gracious enough to just smile. :imbar
    sorry, i stuffed up the post without giving due credit. here it is again!

    one thing is true. you never hear women bragging about how big they are!
  5. by   unknown99
    Quote from farkinott
    sorry, i stuffed up the post without giving due credit. here it is again!

    one thing is true. you never hear women bragging about how big they are!

  6. by   TazziRN
    An FP that I am friends with told me that his wife wanted to have at least 4 more children after the one they had at the time, by the time she was 35. Since that wasn't far off I said "Well, you'd better get humping, then!"


    He just stared at me. I turned around without a word and moved on down the hall with a beet-red face. :imbar
  7. by   malenurse1
    Quote from RNtoJD
    I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."
    OMG!!! My side hurt from laughing at that :chuckle :chuckle
  8. by   a_crftyldy
    I often have the tendency to speak first and think last. I try to warn people that my mouth has a mind of it's own.

    Once, during orientation for our community nursing clinical rotation, our instructor was discussing the different places we would go to and what was expected of us (attire, equipment to take, name tags, etc.). He finally came to Behavioral Health and told us that we needed to wear street clothes that were professional quality, not to wear our name tags (since they have both our first and last name on them), and that we probably wouldn't need our stethescopes. To this last part I quickly replied with, "not unless you want to hear the voices in their heads." Everyone busted up laughing and a friend of mine told me later that she couldn't believe I said that.

    I once had a friend who was a bit on the obese side. One day, we went to visit her at her place of work which happened to be a video rental place. The movies where kept on tall shelves that were only a foot away from the ceiling. She squatted down to get a movie from under the counter and had a difficult time getting back up. My mother joked about using a cattle prod to help her get up and my friend said that she would probably end up doing flips over the shelves if she did. Without thinking I said, "now THAT I'd like to see."

    I'm sure there are plenty of other times where my mouth has gotten me into trouble, just can't remember them.

    My mother is just as bad as I am. We were standing in line at McDonald's one day and there just so happened to be a police officer standing in the line next to us. Upon noticing this, my mother stated loud enough for the whole place to hear, "gee, I thought they just ate donuts." Should have seen the look he shot her.
  9. by   FranEMTnurse
    To this last part I quickly replied with, "not unless you want to hear the voices in their heads." Everyone busted up laughing and a friend of mine told me later that she couldn't believe I said that. I love it.
  10. by   rn711
    Many moons ago I worked at a restaurant called the "Catfish Shack". During orientation, the hostesses had to practice over the mike "Good afternoon, welcome to the Catfish Shack". After many practices, it was my turn for the mike where I calmly said "Good afternoon, Welcome to the CATSHIT FACK".


    It's been over twenty years, and I still have to concentrate really hard and speak really slow to say it correctly.
  11. by   VivaLasViejas
    I have the same problem with two place names: a little fresh-produce-and-petting-zoo out in Valley Center, CA called "Bates Nut Farm" (Nate's Butt Farm :imbar ) and Grants Pass, OR (Grass Pants). I really have to slow down and think about what I'm saying, or I'll screw those up every time. :chuckle
  12. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from rn711
    Many moons ago I worked at a restaurant called the "Catfish Shack". During orientation, the hostesses had to practice over the mike "Good afternoon, welcome to the Catfish Shack". After many practices, it was my turn for the mike where I calmly said "Good afternoon, Welcome to the CATSHIT FACK".


    It's been over twenty years, and I still have to concentrate really hard and speak really slow to say it correctly.
  13. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from mjlrn97
    I have the same problem with two place names: a little fresh-produce-and-petting-zoo out in Valley Center, CA called "Bates Nut Farm" (Nate's Butt Farm :imbar ) and Grants Pass, OR (Grass Pants). I really have to slow down and think about what I'm saying, or I'll screw those up every time. :chuckle
    So funny

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