Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Of all my faux pas', my very, very, very worst was this:

I was earnestly trying to start an IV on a pt who was horrendously difficult to stick. She was in her teens, and she and her mother anxiously observed my every move. I finally located a vein right on the top of her wrist that I thought might work. In my intense desire to not screw up this tiny, precious vein, I asked her to please cock her wrist down a little. (Does anyone see where this is going?)

Immediately she hyperflexed her wrist, flattening the vein out, and I, in all my wisdom, said, "Now I didn't want a hard cock..."

Silence........



Oh, wait, I forgot one that may have been even worse. I remember when I was 14 or so, my parents, my best friend, and my dear sweet grandparents, now both deceased, were at a restaurant. My GPs had never been there before and as they looked over the menu carefully, I MEANT to volunteer the (at the time) ever-popular wisecrack, "They're meditating." Instead, I announced to a stunned table, as we waited for them to order, "They're masturbating." I have regretted this deeply for nearly 2 decades, and still cringe when I recall it. My only consolation is that they led such sheltered lives that they likely never realized what I'd said.

To this day I have to stop and think carefully before I utter the word "meditate".

Last night I took report from a nurse in the ED at another facility about a patient who was on her way to my floor. The nurse said the patient had a "history of multiple suicides". I bit my tongue.

HAHA, I used to work in a pharmacy, and this one night we were extremely busy, going from one customer to the next. So without even looking up I ask the next one in line if I could help them...she replied "Trojans", and I immediately answer "yes they're over there on the wall", which promted her to reply "No, thats my last name, Im here to pick up my prescription!" I couldnt control myself, all the people in line heard that conversation and tried to hold back the laughter until she left!

I Can't Say The Word Prostatectomy!!!!!!!