Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 29

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   CBsMommy
    I LOVE this thread! It's too funny! I have a couple of my "duh" moments I would like to share.

    I was 13 and went to the doctor for chest pains. Thinking I was too cool for knowing big anatomy words I told him that my scrotum hurts. I meant to say my sternum. The Dr. laughed and said, "those darn chestnuts"!

    When I was 21 I had to have a colonoscopy. Before the procedure my Dr. asked me what I normally ate. I told him a lot of salad and fruit, etc. During my procedure, and under the goofy medicine, I woke up and told him that I couldn't wait to get home to eat a huge plate of enchiladas! He said, "The truth always comes out".

    Same procedure, I was still out of my mind under the medicine and looked up at the screen and told the doc that my colon was so pretty and pink. He said that it looked good but was a little overactive. I said, "Nah. It just needs a vacation". The doc told the nurse helping him, "A little more medicine, please".

    One more, the day after Easter this year I woke up with severe abdominal pain. When I got to the ER the nurse looked at me and asked, "What seems to be the problem? It looks like a kidney stone". I said, "Oh. I just thought I ate too much Easter candy". They laughed about that until I left the ER. It was a kidney stone BTW. Those things hurt!
  2. by   TuTonka
    Quote from mumarada
    Too Funny!
    Wellll you keep on keeping on like that and you will grow BIG bRASS ONES lolol WAY TOO FUNNY.

    Tuonka
  3. by   4hana9
    I just finished reading the ENTIRE thread from page one! My God! I laughted my butt off and I'm sure I woke the neighbors up! Thanks guys! :spin:
  4. by   Hygiene Queen
    Quote from CalebMommy
    I LOVE this thread! It's too funny! I have a couple of my "duh" moments I would like to share.

    I was 13 and went to the doctor for chest pains. Thinking I was too cool for knowing big anatomy words I told him that my scrotum hurts. I meant to say my sternum. The Dr. laughed and said, "those darn chestnuts"!

    Oh my soul! I laughed so hard when I read that. Witty doctor!!
  5. by   meintheUSA
    When I was 21 I had to have a colonoscopy. Before the procedure my Dr. asked me what I normally ate. I told him a lot of salad and fruit, etc. During my procedure, and under the goofy medicine, I woke up and told him that I couldn't wait to get home to eat a huge plate of enchiladas! He said, "The truth always comes out".

    Same procedure, I was still out of my mind under the medicine and looked up at the screen and told the doc that my colon was so pretty and pink. He said that it looked good but was a little overactive. I said, "Nah. It just needs a vacation". The doc told the nurse helping him, "A little more medicine, please".

    :spin:Gotta LOVE those goofy meds. Once I had a shot and ended up wanting hubbys loving in the waiting room of the X-ray unit...... :imbar
  6. by   countrygonecity
    Well, just the other day when I returned home from work the phone rang and instead of saying hello, I said "May I help you?" (I was thinking that I was still at work, but I was not at work)

    And once I went to a department store in another city and I yelled out "oh man, this looks like the grill at ***mart!" And my sister in law said, "This is ***mart!" Everyone laughed and laughed and my eyes were big as saucers! Even the store clerk heard me and they laughed too...for a long time...they just said that I must have been tired. And I was, but I had forgotten what store I was in!
  7. by   sissiesmama
    A local store that sells trailers is named "Cowboy Trailers" in the phone books. One day at work I was making a call for a price and was thinking about something else and got startled when they answered. I stuttered and asked "How much are your 6 foot cowboys", instead of "How much are your 6 foot trailers?" Talk about embarrassing? She just laughed.

    Anne, RNC
  8. by   iHeartNICU
    I work NICU and was taking care of a baby under phototherapy lights. She had the mask on covering & protecting her eyes. Dad comes in and asks if he can hold her. I say "Ok, lets get her wrapped up and I'll take her eyes off so you can see her pretty face." At this point I hadn't realized what I had said but noticed that dad's face had this completely freaked out look all of the sudden. I asked him if he was ok and he says, "I thought she was just here for jaundice, why do her eyes need to come out and how do you get them out?" I just started laughing as I explained to him I meant I was going to take off her mask covering her eyes....not literally her eyes....words just came out wrong. He laughed after I explained but I still felt bad for making him all nervous. Seriously though, why would I be taking his daughter's eyeballs out. It made me laugh.
  9. by   JessieC777
    I was getting a pt back from pacu and asked for her arm so I could take post op vitals......she looked up at me "I don't have an arm". And of course her family was in there and the nurse I was working with as well lol
  10. by   oguesswhat
    None nursing related. I currently work at a deep dish pizza restaurant (until I find a nursing job) and after the customers are finished with their appetizers I ask them for their dirty plates and on more then 1 occasion (at least every couple of months) I get someone that asks if they will get a new plate for when the pizza comes...I always reply very matter-of-factly that no you have to use your hands! I love it! Some people get really confused cause I say it with such a straight face. Once someone actually kept a hold of her plate cause she was afraid I would really make her eat it with her hands.

    And there are many things I wish I was allowed to say when someone asks me "how many wings are in half a dozen?" :innerconf
  11. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from TennNurse
    Of all my faux pas', my very, very, very worst was this:

    I was earnestly trying to start an IV on a pt who was horrendously difficult to stick. She was in her teens, and she and her mother anxiously observed my every move. I finally located a vein right on the top of her wrist that I thought might work. In my intense desire to not screw up this tiny, precious vein, I asked her to please cock her wrist down a little. (Does anyone see where this is going?)

    Immediately she hyperflexed her wrist, flattening the vein out, and I, in all my wisdom, said, "Now I didn't want a hard cock..."

    Silence........ :imbar



    Oh, wait, I forgot one that may have been even worse. I remember when I was 14 or so, my parents, my best friend, and my dear sweet grandparents, now both deceased, were at a restaurant. My GPs had never been there before and as they looked over the menu carefully, I MEANT to volunteer the (at the time) ever-popular wisecrack, "They're meditating." Instead, I announced to a stunned table, as we waited for them to order, "They're masturbating." :uhoh21: :imbar I have regretted this deeply for nearly 2 decades, and still cringe when I recall it. My only consolation is that they led such sheltered lives that they likely never realized what I'd said.

    To this day I have to stop and think carefully before I utter the word "meditate". :imbar :imbar :imbar
  12. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from sblanchet
    Last night I took report from a nurse in the ED at another facility about a patient who was on her way to my floor. The nurse said the patient had a "history of multiple suicides". I bit my tongue.
    How did the nurse know? Is the patient now a ghost?Sorry, I just couldn't resist!!!!!
  13. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from NJRNin06
    HAHA, I used to work in a pharmacy, and this one night we were extremely busy, going from one customer to the next. So without even looking up I ask the next one in line if I could help them...she replied "Trojans", and I immediately answer "yes they're over there on the wall", which promted her to reply "No, thats my last name, Im here to pick up my prescription!" I couldnt control myself, all the people in line heard that conversation and tried to hold back the laughter until she left! :chuckle
    :chuckle:chuckle:chuckle:chuckleMethinks I would be changing my last name.

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