Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 28

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   britgirl37
    A few years ago I was leaving one hospital to go for another job, I saw one of my previous supervisors (who I'd really enjoyed working with) who I hadn't seen in a while and stopped to have a chat and say goodbye. Towards the end of the the conversation I gave her congratulations, as it looked like she was expecting, and asked her when the baby was due - "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat" was the answer.
    Haven't seen her since.....
    Last edit by britgirl37 on Nov 30, '08
  2. by   RedWeasel
    this isn't exactly from work but one Christmas my Aunt and Uncle brought a video of Ansel Adams photography to watch. The side of the video from a library read "Adams, Ansel." I appreciate him now but then it was pretty boring (yeah, I get it, snow and mountains-we may have been waiting to open presents so that factored in too)...anyway my four brothers ended up in the kitchen talking and smoking cigars while the 'elders' watched the video. I walked in and said in a low but loud voice. "Some Christmas. Sitting around watching Adams Anus." I didn't realize what I said till one of my brothers cigars fell out of their mouths, and another whispered 'how does she know that word?'.... I spit out the pop I was drinking through my nose (which hurts btw)...my brother is a photographer now...he reminds me of this every Christmas...then I remind him what I do for a living....guess you had to be there....
  3. by   LovingLearning
    I am a nursing student in a diverse population area. Most of my patients speak spanish. I don't. I'm trying to learn, but not having much success. I do my best to learn new words, and this weekend learned the word for rabbits/bunnies "conejos.

    So yesterday, while I was talking to my patient, I was telling him I learned a new spanish word. He asked what it was, and I proudly announced:

    "Cajones."

    Which, of course, means testicles or (fill in the slang here...) in spanish. Until both he and the nurse overseeing me burst into laughter, I didn't realize what had happened.

    I stammered, stuttered, and finally just gave in to embarrassed laughter. There the three of us were, rolling. I was bright red, too.

    Oh well. I'm still going to work on my spanish...I will just be more careful about transposing letters in the future.

    Best-
    Lovin' Learning
  4. by   ShelleyERgirl
    I used to work in a busy internal med office and occasionally I would help answer phones. One busy Monday, the phones were crazy and I had to put numerous people on hold, finally we had calmed down some and I answered my 70th (felt that way) with " Thanks for calling XYZ office, how may I hold you?:imbar The poor little old lady on the other end was just a little perturbed with me and stated she didn't want anyone to hold her, thank you very much!
  5. by   mumarada
    Quote from LovingLearning
    I am a nursing student in a diverse population area. Most of my patients speak spanish. I don't. I'm trying to learn, but not having much success. I do my best to learn new words, and this weekend learned the word for rabbits/bunnies "conejos.

    So yesterday, while I was talking to my patient, I was telling him I learned a new spanish word. He asked what it was, and I proudly announced:

    "Cajones."

    Which, of course, means testicles or (fill in the slang here...) in spanish. Until both he and the nurse overseeing me burst into laughter, I didn't realize what had happened.

    I stammered, stuttered, and finally just gave in to embarrassed laughter. There the three of us were, rolling. I was bright red, too.

    Oh well. I'm still going to work on my spanish...I will just be more careful about transposing letters in the future.

    Best-
    Lovin' Learning

    Too Funny!
  6. by   ladyval
    I used to work at a retirement home in the kitchen. One day, we were serving chicken and this little old man came through the line. I asked him if he wanted white or dark meat and he replied that he wanted a breast if it was small. I said, without thinking, "I'm sorry all I have are big breasts" There was dead silence for a few seconds and then the entire line burst out laughing. I was so mortified.:imbar
  7. by   ShelleyERgirl
    Quote from ladyval
    I used to work at a retirement home in the kitchen. One day, we were serving chicken and this little old man came through the line. I asked him if he wanted white or dark meat and he replied that he wanted a breast if it was small. I said, without thinking, "I'm sorry all I have are big breasts" There was dead silence for a few seconds and then the entire line burst out laughing. I was so mortified.:imbar
    :chuckle:chuckle Awesome!
  8. by   meintheUSA
    Quote from ladyval
    i used to work at a retirement home in the kitchen. one day, we were serving chicken and this little old man came through the line. i asked him if he wanted white or dark meat and he replied that he wanted a breast if it was small. i said, without thinking, "i'm sorry all i have are big breasts" there was dead silence for a few seconds and then the entire line burst out laughing. i was so mortified.:imbar
    :chuckle

    love it thanks for sharing....
  9. by   MaraG.
    I was a student on my preceptorship. My patient was eating peanuts, I could smell them when I walked into his room. Without thinking I said "John, your nuts smell really good!" There was an uncomfortable second or two and we both burst out laughing.
  10. by   shannieliz
    I was working as an office nurse in an Ear, Nose and Throat office a few years ago, we had a lady bring in her young toddler to have a sticker removed from inside his ear, apparently he had balled it up and stuck it in there, trying to console the youngster, I said "Honey, it will be okay, when we are all done I will give you a sticker" the mother immediately began to yell "No, please, no stickers!!" I thought the mother was being kind of rude to me, I was just trying to be nice. After I left the room is when it hit me, duh!!!

    At the same ENT office, we were having an especially busy day, and had all 9 docs in house, and only 3 nurses, needless to say the patients were extremely agitated at the long wait, so I assisted a man and his preteen son into a room, flying around like a chicken with my head cut off, I didn't even realize that when I had shut the door to the room, my scrub shirt had gotten caught on the door handle, and popped open ALL the snaps, giving the nice man and his red faced son quite a show (at least I had on a bra) sooo embarassed I left the room with no questions asked. Thankfully the other nurse was kind enough to take over my room, later that day the Dr. said to me "well, I heard that the free show was the best thing that happened all day, keep that up and we will have to hire more docs to keep up with patient demand:uhoh21:" OMG I was so embarassed!!!

    One more story, I currently work in LTC, the other day I was in the room giving meds when the CNA was providing care on a lady that says "help me" repeatedly. The CNA gets down close to the res ear and says "Please stop yelling, it can be annoying to the other residents" the resident, of course says "what?" so she repeated it again. "Please stop yelling, it can be annoying" The resident thought for a minute and gestures to the CNA to come down by her and states "maam, I don't mean to be controlling" we had to leave the room to snicker
  11. by   futuremombabynurse
    This happened the day of my first clinical...my very first patient, so needless to say, I was NERVOUS. When I get nervous, I tend to forget important things...

    My patient was a gentleman who'd been in a MVA and was a paraplegic. I remembered from the chart that he'd had some edema in his legs, and sure enough I could see the swelling. As I asked him about it..."Is there any pain?"

    :selfbonk:

    Luckily the patient just kind of smiled and laughed, but I had to fight to keep from slapping my hand over my mouth.
  12. by   nerdtonurse?
    I had a pt who was the biggest pain in the tail the floor had had in months. When she didn't have the nurses swearing or in tears, she had the support staff refusing to go into her room and the CNAs saying they'd call out before they came into work if they were going to get her. The pt was verbally abusive, would throw things, was on the phone to the admin rep every 5 minutes. She called me into her room, needing to be put on the bedpan (pt could go to the BR just fine, she would tell you to your face that she was "helping you earn your pay" by asking for the bedpan). Pt would also walk to the room door and stand in the bathroom (same person who needs the bedpan, mind you), and see if she could overhear any of us talking about her. Sweet creature.

    So, I help put her on the bedpan, listen a nice verbal tirade on the poor care she's getting, etc., and I hear someone call for me. I go out in the hall, and we've got a really critical pt next door to the princess. The aide had given a bath to a dying pt about a month earlier, who literally died in the middle of the bath (nurses were present, and it was a blessing to the pt that they did pass, but the aide's been a little freaked ever since). I told her I'd bathe the critical pt and she could bathe the princess. Well, I forgot about the princess's "bathroom listener" behavior, and said, "look I'll bath X, you bathe Y, but don't bathe Y to death like you did the last one."

    Princess lets out a scream, and is on the phone to the admin rep telling her we're planning on killing her in the bath tub. Her room didn't have a bath tub.

    I guess she thought we were going to drag her screaming down the hall to the whirlpool or something.

    maybe you had to be there...
  13. by   happy76
    Quote from franemtnurse
    <table id=incredimaintable cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 width="100%" border=0><tbody><tr><td id=increditextregion style="cursor: auto; font-family: arial" width="100%">one dark night outside a small town in minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames.


    the alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. when the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "all of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. they must be saved and i will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

    but the roaring flames held the firefighters off. soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. as the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

    from the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. it was the nearby norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of norwegians over the age of 65. to everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these norwegian's passed all the newer sleekengines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

    outside the other firemen watched as the norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.within a short time, the norsk old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. the grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, norsk fire fighters.

    the local tv news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "what are you going to do with all that money?"

    vell," said ole larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat foc*ing truck.

    </td></tr></tbody></table>
    :roll:roll:selfbonk:

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