Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 24

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from nrsman1
    I once asked a blind patient if they wanted the light on or off. on that note can they tell if it is on or off. and she told me she wanted the lights off so I dont know
    People who are blind may still be able to see light and shadows. I know a woman who has a guide dog who has about 7% of her sight-enough that she would have a preference as to whether the lights were on or off.
  2. by   lpnstudentin2010
    Quote from RetiredTooSoon
    People who are blind may still be able to see light and shadows. I know a woman who has a guide dog who has about 7% of her sight-enough that she would have a preference as to whether the lights were on or off.

    Up until they took it out I could tell that there was light through my right eye. I couldn't necesarilly tell you were it was coming from but I knew it was there.
  3. by   iluvivt
    One of my co-workerslast name is hoar pronounced whore. I was working with her one pm shift and I needed her help and she was not answering her pager, Called the operator and asked her to page so and so whore...... long pause she said I will not and I said oh yes you will that is her name. well a few moments later they paged the wh...... to help me
  4. by   lyndamic
    Just in case emotional scars are funny: When I was a 17, I worked as a cashier at Venture (like WalMart or Target, for you young 'uns). Wednesday was senior citizen discount day. All day the elderly had come through my line and rejoiced in their discount.

    Late in the afternoon, an older lady came through, and as I rang her up, I asked "Will you be using your SC discount card today?". She said, "What?". I, all smiles, said,"Oh! Didn't you know? Since you are a senior citizen, you get a 10% discount today!". I began getting out the little form for her to fill out, to get her a SC discount card of her very own.

    She had an absolute FIT. "Do I LOOK like a senior citizen? Do I? Do I?". It was patently obvious that I had thought so, but I denied it and apologized and apologized. I tried to say that I hadn't really looked at her before I had spoken, but she knew it was a lie because I had been looking her right in the eye with a big, Venture approved smile. She informed me that she was just 50, thank you very much, and I was disrespectful and so hateful, and she couldn't believe I had said that, etc.

    She got loud (I was cowering and already in tears), and the manager came over and tried to smooth things out by telling the lady to meet her at customer service for a gift card. The lady eventually started crying, and walked out without her merchandise, or the gift card. :sad:

    20 years later, I still think about her sometimes, and feel bad about it. Whenever I tell that story, men always laugh, and women feel horrible for the poor lady.
  5. by   lpnstudentin2010
    Quote from lyndamic
    Just in case emotional scars are funny: When I was a 17, I worked as a cashier at Venture (like WalMart or Target, for you young 'uns). Wednesday was senior citizen discount day. All day the elderly had come through my line and rejoiced in their discount.

    Late in the afternoon, an older lady came through, and as I rang her up, I asked "Will you be using your SC discount card today?". She said, "What?". I, all smiles, said,"Oh! Didn't you know? Since you are a senior citizen, you get a 10% discount today!". I began getting out the little form for her to fill out, to get her a SC discount card of her very own.

    She had an absolute FIT. "Do I LOOK like a senior citizen? Do I? Do I?". It was patently obvious that I had thought so, but I denied it and apologized and apologized. I tried to say that I hadn't really looked at her before I had spoken, but she knew it was a lie because I had been looking her right in the eye with a big, Venture approved smile. She informed me that she was just 50, thank you very much, and I was disrespectful and so hateful, and she couldn't believe I had said that, etc.

    She got loud (I was cowering and already in tears), and the manager came over and tried to smooth things out by telling the lady to meet her at customer service for a gift card. The lady eventually started crying, and walked out without her merchandise, or the gift card. :sad:

    20 years later, I still think about her sometimes, and feel bad about it. Whenever I tell that story, men always laugh, and women feel horrible for the poor lady.

    I feel bad for YOU.
  6. by   Penelope_Pitstop
    after report, i went to assess my patients and administer 2000 meds. one of the patients had several mylar balloons tied to her bedrails. i examined them, then said to her, "i really like your umbrellas." she and i both had a good laugh, and, to this day, i have no clue where that came from!
    i had just worked my first double (midnight to day...what was i thinking???) and in the same day surgery department, the externs and techs escorted the patients out to their cars upon discharge to ensure that someone else was driving home and the patient was safely in a vehicle. due to a communication issue, i ended up waiting for more than an hour with a patient for her taxi in the hot august afternoon. she was, for lack of a better word, annoying. i was sick of hearing her voice, and she asked me randomly, "do you have a family?" i responded with, "no, i was raised by wolves."
    at the end of the my first week of straight midnights (i was an extern here as well), i was exhausted, especially since i would stay at least an hour late every day to help out. i called the department when i got home after that week was over, and janice the rn answered. i said, "hi, jess, this is janice...i'm home safe."
    jess
  7. by   aussiemags
    I have a habit of saying to patients "time to hop up for a shower" or "Hop up on the bed and I'll look at your wound" etc. Yes, you guessed. Not so appropriate when I worked in a surgical ward where, on one occasion there were 3 legs between 4 patients.
  8. by   aussiemags
    Quote from Franemtnurse
    When I get in my silly mood, and the telephone rings, I sometimes answer,
    "fearlessfanny's house of pleasure. How may I help you?" I usually either a click or it goes silent on the other end.
    "sam's mortuary. You stab 'em, we slab 'em"
  9. by   aussiemags
    Quote from Rita Marie

    One fellow I had cared for, I had only seen him lying flat in bed dressed in a hospital gown.

    .
    Reminds me of something said to me once. I used to work as a fitness instructor back in the days of leotards and not much else. I went to a wedding and the husband of one of my class members was there. He couldnt remember where he'd seen me before,then when he did finally recall, shouted out "I'm just not used to seeing you with your clothes on!"
  10. by   asoonernurse
    Place: Meeting with BigWigs

    Me: WAY too much coffee consumption

    Responding to: "Michael, that's an interesting perspective!"

    Me: "Well, I've got tons of perspective. I got it running out of me like...uh...stuff that run out of me..."

    You know that moment you realize you should have just shut up, but you... Just. Can't. Stop. Yourself.

    Okay, I was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy past that moment!

    Them: Coding due to insuppressible laughter.

    Me: Trying to find a rock to hide under...



    Michael
  11. by   Morettia2
    I work interventional cardiology/ccu step down. Ok So I worked last night my first night back after 4 days off, and when I recieved report I saw that I had a pt. that I had 5 times previously and was suprised that this pt. was still on my floor.

    I got report, started rounds, went into this pt's room. Pt is blind, with CHF , that was almost like anascarca from head to toe last time I had the pt. 4 days ago. Pt's is no longer edematous( I can't spell) great improvement in 4 days time.

    So I said Mr.XYZ, I am Angie I am going to be your nurse tonight. He said he remembered me, and said he needed to be changed. I said no problem. I grabbed one of the CNA's to help me. So we start changing him, put a new diaper on the pt, I knew, along with the CNA he liked to have his scrotum raised b/c of the swelling, BUT when I saw his scrotum it wasn;t swollen anymore. So I said (I can barely get this out with out laughing as I am typing), "Ohh Mr.XYZ, your BALLS aren;t nearly as big as they were a few days ago, they were like a watermellon, now they look like an orange"..as this comes out of my mouth, and I just realized what I said, the CNA and the pt. in the bed next to me is laughing....

    YEA..YEA..the only thing is with this pt. from having him so many times previously, every time I said scrotum he would say, "Nurse you mean my BALLS" is this southern accent. EVEN the 3 MD's on the pt's case said, " WOW Mr.XYZ your BALLS have improved", and the one MD actually turned to me and said, "Angie, you haven;t been here for a few days, but haven't his BALLS improved from the last time you had him as a pt, they look WNL", as the pt. was smiling. I just stood there deer in head lights look, as I said to myself, OK Ang, you are the RN and referred to his scrotum as balls, and the MD's all refered to his scrotum as balls, how the **** are you going to chart that..At 2100 changed pt. and noted that the pt's "balls" are no longer edematous, MD examined pt. during changing and concurred that the pt's"balls" were no longer edematous....***********

    I am trying to chart this event and I am hysterical trying to find the right words, finally I just gave up and charted the whole event as it happened, and noted that the pt. did not understand the term Scrotum, b/c he didn't, and only understood the term "balls". (We are being audited by JCAHO this month, I can;t wait for them to read this progress note and the other MD's notes about the pt's balls)

    As I am giving report to the Day Shift RN, I can barely get this whole debacle out of my mouth with out laughing, and trying to explain to her that the pt. dosen't understand the word scrotum, no matter how many times you tell the pt. the scrotum and your "balls" are the same thing. She was crying she was laughing so hard.

    And the best part the MD's orders, which I think, I know, they wrote them just to be an *** said, "elevate pt's "BALLS" (scrotum) off the bed" Which I was doing in the first place when I had the pt. days ago.

    The only good thing is the pt., who I love, has a great sense of humor, always jokes and says, "Now Angie, before you leave in the Morning, make sure my balls are elevated, b/c I don't want none of that swelling, and you were the only Nurse that elevated my boys", I knew he was serious, but he would chuckle and say, "Be gald that you arn't 80 y.o. with big balls", I said, "No, I am 27, but I am sure when I am 80 y.o. I am going to have other things that need to be elevate and taken care of", he always laughs, and says, "If I could see, the first thing I would want to see is my balls, the second thing I would want to see is your face to match your voice". I said," I am happy to know where your priorities are!"

    Every morning after I give report to the Day Shift RN's, Mr.XYZ and I,have this little heart to heart. He is def. a pt. that always makes my morning! And he knows it, he gives me a hug, and we chat if I have time, mostly about his swollen balls, but it's still conversation, even if we talk about his genatalia the whole time, and he ALWAYS says, "I never thought that I would have so much to say about my boys, but when you are 80, and you can't see them, you want someone one else to tell you they are ok..." I say, "Well if I was a male nurse, and could feel your pain, I would tell you what ever men tell each other about their balls, but since I am female, all I can say is what I see"..He ALWAYS laughs ALOT, and says, "Ang, r u back tonight? Will u be my nurse? Cause no one handle's my boys like you do, and at 80 they are the only thing I have left, I am blind, bedridden, and have no family, and my manhood is the only thing keeping me alive, besides you". I always give him a hug and tell him as long as he's on my floor I will be his nurse at night when I am working.

    Mr.XYZ always gives me a wink, asks if I saw it, I say yes, tells me to be safe driving home and that eventhough he never knows what time is it, as soon as he hears my voice he knows it's night time and knows he'll be taken care of.
  12. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from nrsman1
    I once asked a blind patient if they wanted the light on or off. on that note can they tell if it is on or off. and she told me she wanted the lights off so I dont know
    My grandmother was blind, and she could tell the difference between dark and light, but could see nothing else. What is neat (at least she did) they do dream.
  13. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from Morettia2
    I work interventional cardiology/ccu step down. Ok So I worked last night my first night back after 4 days off, and when I recieved report I saw that I had a pt. that I had 5 times previously and was suprised that this pt. was still on my floor.

    I got report, started rounds, went into this pt's room. Pt is blind, with CHF , that was almost like anascarca from head to toe last time I had the pt. 4 days ago. Pt's is no longer edematous( I can't spell) great improvement in 4 days time.

    So I said Mr.XYZ, I am Angie I am going to be your nurse tonight. He said he remembered me, and said he needed to be changed. I said no problem. I grabbed one of the CNA's to help me. So we start changing him, put a new diaper on the pt, I knew, along with the CNA he liked to have his scrotum raised b/c of the swelling, BUT when I saw his scrotum it wasn;t swollen anymore. So I said (I can barely get this out with out laughing as I am typing), "Ohh Mr.XYZ, your BALLS aren;t nearly as big as they were a few days ago, they were like a watermellon, now they look like an orange"..as this comes out of my mouth, and I just realized what I said, the CNA and the pt. in the bed next to me is laughing....

    YEA..YEA..the only thing is with this pt. from having him so many times previously, every time I said scrotum he would say, "Nurse you mean my BALLS" is this southern accent. EVEN the 3 MD's on the pt's case said, " WOW Mr.XYZ your BALLS have improved", and the one MD actually turned to me and said, "Angie, you haven;t been here for a few days, but haven't his BALLS improved from the last time you had him as a pt, they look WNL", as the pt. was smiling. I just stood there deer in head lights look, as I said to myself, OK Ang, you are the RN and referred to his scrotum as balls, and the MD's all refered to his scrotum as balls, how the **** are you going to chart that..At 2100 changed pt. and noted that the pt's "balls" are no longer edematous, MD examined pt. during changing and concurred that the pt's"balls" were no longer edematous....***********

    I am trying to chart this event and I am hysterical trying to find the right words, finally I just gave up and charted the whole event as it happened, and noted that the pt. did not understand the term Scrotum, b/c he didn't, and only understood the term "balls". (We are being audited by JCAHO this month, I can;t wait for them to read this progress note and the other MD's notes about the pt's balls)

    As I am giving report to the Day Shift RN, I can barely get this whole debacle out of my mouth with out laughing, and trying to explain to her that the pt. dosen't understand the word scrotum, no matter how many times you tell the pt. the scrotum and your "balls" are the same thing. She was crying she was laughing so hard.

    And the best part the MD's orders, which I think, I know, they wrote them just to be an *** said, "elevate pt's "BALLS" (scrotum) off the bed" Which I was doing in the first place when I had the pt. days ago.

    The only good thing is the pt., who I love, has a great sense of humor, always jokes and says, "Now Angie, before you leave in the Morning, make sure my balls are elevated, b/c I don't want none of that swelling, and you were the only Nurse that elevated my boys", I knew he was serious, but he would chuckle and say, "Be gald that you arn't 80 y.o. with big balls", I said, "No, I am 27, but I am sure when I am 80 y.o. I am going to have other things that need to be elevate and taken care of", he always laughs, and says, "If I could see, the first thing I would want to see is my balls, the second thing I would want to see is your face to match your voice". I said," I am happy to know where your priorities are!"

    Every morning after I give report to the Day Shift RN's, Mr.XYZ and I,have this little heart to heart. He is def. a pt. that always makes my morning! And he knows it, he gives me a hug, and we chat if I have time, mostly about his swollen balls, but it's still conversation, even if we talk about his genatalia the whole time, and he ALWAYS says, "I never thought that I would have so much to say about my boys, but when you are 80, and you can't see them, you want someone one else to tell you they are ok..." I say, "Well if I was a male nurse, and could feel your pain, I would tell you what ever men tell each other about their balls, but since I am female, all I can say is what I see"..He ALWAYS laughs ALOT, and says, "Ang, r u back tonight? Will u be my nurse? Cause no one handle's my boys like you do, and at 80 they are the only thing I have left, I am blind, bedridden, and have no family, and my manhood is the only thing keeping me alive, besides you". I always give him a hug and tell him as long as he's on my floor I will be his nurse at night when I am working.

    Mr.XYZ always gives me a wink, asks if I saw it, I say yes, tells me to be safe driving home and that eventhough he never knows what time is it, as soon as he hears my voice he knows it's night time and knows he'll be taken care of.
    You're a good nurse.By the way, tell him I said hello to the boys.
    Last edit by FranEMTnurse on May 23, '08 : Reason: More to add

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