Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 23

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   grace90
    At the end of a busy night shift, I paged a hospitalist for something, and when he returned my call I answered and heard something about how someone was gonna take some toys of his. I guess I was slap-happy cuz I said "Hey, I'll take your.......". SILENCE
    I'm thinking Oh, @#$%, now I've done it. I didn't mean it in any flirtatious way, but it certainly ended up sounding that way. Sure this doc is a hotty, but I don't make it a habit to flirt with docs, especially ones I talk to so often.
  2. by   BabySweetpea
    I was in a room with 4 male patients in it. I had one man in the bathroom at the sink brushing his teeth, but I had to empty a foley on my other patient, but the urinal was in the bathroom on the back of the toilet. So I said outside the door "hey "bob"(not real name), you decent, can I come grab something?", as soon as it came out of my mouth I knew I what I had said. Well, the other man that had nothing to do with any of this said from his bed, "can I go in the bathroom next?" HAHAHA! Boy did they all laugh at me for two days. I was so embarassed!!!!
  3. by   Indy
    So I got out of my outpatient procedure, sitting in a wheelchair, still very drunk but good to be driven home, and in walks the cardiologist who most intimidated me when I was a brand new nurse. Tall guy, humongous round-lensed glasses. The thing that had made me "get over" myself when I worked there was the one patient telling me he reminded her of tweety bird.

    So I looked up, he looked right at me, I yelled, "heeeeyyyyy Tweety Bird, doncha speak?!" WTH. Ahh well I don't have to call that doc and wake him up anymore so I guess it's ok.
  4. by   jakay RN
    thats soo funny
  5. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from santhony44
    One of the funniest I ever heard, I was not guilty of. It was in church, of all places. We had a guy from the Gideons in one Sunday and he was talking about their organization and what they do. He started to say "these little cities" but what came out was "these little titties..." He turned very red and looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. I don't think anyone heard another word he said, we were all too busy trying not to laugh! This was several years ago but I still laugh when I think about it. Poor man. I would've moved to Timbuktu.
    I was at a church one Sunday for the Feast of Michael and All Angels. During the service, the youth/young adults worker and three members of the young adult group were in front of the congregation. The worker would play a hymn on the piano, one verse at a time for the congregation to sing, then each of the young men in turn would present a bit of information about what the composer Martin Luther may have been thinking or what he had written about the angels.

    Two of the men did very well and seemed quite comfortable up in front of the crowd, while the third was visibly nervous and looked like he'd really rather be anywhere else but there. He would occasionally stumble or lose his place, which just made him get even more flustered.

    Finally, after the second-to-last verse, it was his last turn to read. He was doing fairly well until he came to the sentence beginning, "Martin Luther believed...". Instead, out came, "Fartin' Luther...".

    What makes it even funnier? Luther had bowel problems, including constipation and gas.
  6. by   RetiredTooSoon
    A couple stories, one I regret, one I don't:

    I worked as a cashier at Safeway for a year during nursing school. I would try to visit with the customer while I was ringing through their groceries, asking about their kids or commenting on something they'd bought and did they like the taste or whatever.

    One Friday evening, I was ringing through an order for a couple in their early 20s. They were in a good mood and we were talking back and forth as I rang through their order.

    As I got to the end of their groceries, I asked, "Do you have an exciting weekend planned?" and suddenly they both looked at the floor and she started blushing madly. While I tried to figure out what I'd said that was so terrible, I looked down at my hand-which was holding a jumbo box of condoms. :imbar Oops.
  7. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from RetiredTooSoon
    A couple stories, one I regret, one I don't:
    And now for the story I don't regret:

    I was in a foul mood one night so I headed for Wal-Mart to walk off a bit of the irritability. As I pushed my cart up and down the aisles, I was closely followed by a couple who were repeatedly kissing and cooing at each other. As I went up and down the aisles, they were never far behind me, their kisses getting louder and longer by the moment, causing my irritation to rise with every smooch.

    Finally, after six or seven aisles, the man gave the woman one final, loud, long kiss and said, "Want to go outside for a smoke, Honey?". I turned around, looked him in the eye and said, "No thanks, Sweetie; I'm trying to quit", then turned back to my cart and stalked off.

    A friend who had witnessed the exchange said they just stood there in shock for a good minute, trying to figure out what the heck had just happened.
  8. by   lpnstudentin2010
    Quote from RetiredTooSoon
    A couple stories, one I regret, one I don't:

    I worked as a cashier at Safeway for a year during nursing school. I would try to visit with the customer while I was ringing through their groceries, asking about their kids or commenting on something they'd bought and did they like the taste or whatever.

    One Friday evening, I was ringing through an order for a couple in their early 20s. They were in a good mood and we were talking back and forth as I rang through their order.

    As I got to the end of their groceries, I asked, "Do you have an exciting weekend planned?" and suddenly they both looked at the floor and she started blushing madly. While I tried to figure out what I'd said that was so terrible, I looked down at my hand-which was holding a jumbo box of condoms. :imbar Oops.

    Ouch.
  9. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from JustaPatient
    Ouch.
    That's putting it mildly. I'm sure I blushed as brightly as they did.
  10. by   lpnstudentin2010
    Quote from RetiredTooSoon
    That's putting it mildly. I'm sure I blushed as brightly as they did.
    I would have also. I worked retail and always got embarassed even if I just needed to ring them up, let alone making taht comment.
  11. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from JustaPatient
    I would have also. I worked retail and always got embarassed even if I just needed to ring them up, let alone making taht comment.
    I used to get embarrassed, too. That comment just sealed it. Now? I'd probably not even notice what I was ringing up and just do it. Then? I was ready to sink into the floor.
  12. by   nrsman1
    I once asked a blind patient if they wanted the light on or off. on that note can they tell if it is on or off. and she told me she wanted the lights off so I dont know
  13. by   bethin
    Just last week I said something that made me cringe:

    It was 0555 and was rushing trying to get I&O's in the computer because they print off for the docs at 0600 and if they're not in they the docs raise hell. I walk by and a pt yells at me. I go in and he asks me "where's my penis?". I replied "the last time I saw it it was between your legs. Why don't you check there?" Not too funny, but take into account I was completely serious. The lab tech was in there drawing labs and gave me a funny look. I told the pt to call me if he couldn't find it, once again serious.

    It was a stressful night and I had too much on my mind to joke around.

Must Read Topics


close