Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 17

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   dabowhunter
    I went to a brewers baseball game with my brother. As is his custom, he brought along a gallon size ziplock bag stuffed with peanuts. A few minutes after we found our seats, a gentleman came past us with his teenage daughter who appeared to be mildly retarded. I noticed as they went past that the daughter also had a ziplock bag stuffed with peanuts. They sat down next to us while by brother was busy reading the lineups. As he read I slid his bag out from under his seat and hid it on my other side. A few minutes later he took the bait. "Hey wheres my peanuts" he asked. Innocently I replied "I am not sure but I think that girl stole your peanuts". He looked over and saw her reaching into her bag of peanuts and became excited, accusing the poor girl of stealing his peanuts. I let this go on for a few minutes. While he was still arguing I snuck brothers bag back under his seat. Than, again acting innocently, nudged my bro and pointed under his seat. After he profusly apologized to the man and daugher, I let them in on my joke. We all had a good laugh over it........dabow
  2. by   fizz2Nurse
    On my unit I'm the one others turn to when they want to hear things I shouldn't have let slip....

    One time a unit secretary is talking about how she gets really pissy when they keep pulling her into 1:1's. Others were saying she never gets that upset and I pipe up with "no, I have seen her p*ssy, cough cough get pissy" for a second everything was silent and then from behind me was, "did you just say what I think you said?"

    Laughed til the tears were flowing... I still get razzed about that..

    then just this week we were discussing pt's we wouldn't go in a room alone with like the 26 F whose UDS had EVERYTHING and was on ecstacy and hypersexual. She stripped naked in the ER and ran around trying to lick people. When I got her on the floor I said I'm not going to be alone in that roomwith her, not that I mind being licked but....

    That was the end of the sentence as everybody bust out laughing.....

    seems I'm good for something around here
  3. by   prmenrs
    When I was in 1st grade, I kept hearing the other kids respond pr(mumble, mumble) when the teacher called their names. I couldn't figure out what the work was, so I just said "here". After a few days, I thought I'd give it a try, so I said "president" when she called my name. They all laughed @ me, . Finally someone told me it was "present".
  4. by   HeatherB,CST
    Quote from prmenrs
    When I was in 1st grade, I kept hearing the other kids respond pr(mumble, mumble) when the teacher called their names. I couldn't figure out what the work was, so I just said "here". After a few days, I thought I'd give it a try, so I said "president" when she called my name. They all laughed @ me, . Finally someone told me it was "present".
    They never tell you all that stuff you need to know for 1st grade. My first day, I had to go to the bathroom, and the teacher handed me a block of wood called the "Hall Path" at least that's what I thought she said. I didn't get the concept of carrying this as permission to be in the hall, so I thougt it must have SOME purpose, and I assumed it was like a map to the bathroom or something...a hall PATH. Very confused that it had nothing on it.
  5. by   mom of twins
    After assessing a pt for a physical exam, one of the nurse's I work with handed the pt a gown and told him underwear off and open in front. She caught what she had said, but not before the pt acted a little excited about the idea. He went on the share with her that he had just gotten out of prison the day prior. :spin:

    Also had the admissions girl I work with (who also pre-registers mammograms) as a pt her date of boob.
    Last edit by mom of twins on Jul 27, '07
  6. by   mikinklr
    after 20 years in construction i went to lpn school...after about 2 weeks we started "lab"...teach asked a question about a pt who needed to be sat up in bed... with all my newfound wisdom i popped in w/ "put the pt in the foley position"...........after the hilarious laughter subsided i still had to ask what was so funny... felt like crawling under the bed:uhoh21:......9 months later close to graduation someone draw a pix of a pt w/ head and arms hanging off the bed and labeled it "the foley position"...............thank g:spin::spin:dness for humor
  7. by   ElvishDNP
    The other night at work, I answered the phone, "Newborn nursery, this is Tina." Only my name is not Tina. Tina's my coworker.
    :trout:
  8. by   prmenrs
    Quote from Arwen_U
    The other night at work, I answered the phone, "Newborn nursery, this is Tina." Only my name is not Tina. Tina's my coworker.
    :trout:

    ROFL!!

    This is actually a good idea!! That way, if you don't know the answer to the caller's question/problem, Tina's the one that looks bad, not you!!
  9. by   ElvishDNP
    Quote from prmenrs
    ROFL!!

    This is actually a good idea!! That way, if you don't know the answer to the caller's question/problem, Tina's the one that looks bad, not you!!
    Now you just might be onto something, prmenrs! :spin:
  10. by   traumajunkiegirl
    I work in a rural health care county hospital...one day i was called on the acute floor by the front office and told that I had an ER, I asked what it was and the secretary says "I think its a leg injury"

    So, I trot down the hall to the ER, I enter the room and my patient is sitting on the ER cot. Since i was expecting a leg injury my eyes glance down at his feet as I turn the corner of the room Im looking intently at his legs moving my eyes upward ...I see no injury but just then my eyes meet his face and the pt is missing his entire lower lip! Now since i was expecting this "leg" injury i was taken off guard a bit, and the first thing that is muttererd out my mouth is....

    "Oh $hit! What happend to you!"

    Lol well apparently the guy through a piece a tin, somehow caught his lip in the process and tore the entire thing off. Was a rather cool ER, sure wish I had grabbed a picture of it

    Luckily the guy wasnt offended at all by my potty mouth and wasnt real concerned a bout his lip at all. We made him a new lip with some craft stitchin and off he went on his merry way. But what concerned me is....why the heck did my secretary think he had a leg injury???
  11. by   al7139
    Here is a funny one...
    I was taking my dinner break on shift. Since my cell phone does not work in the hospital, I went outside to a smoking area near my unit. It is used by pts and staff who smoke. There was a pt out there who was in another unit, but had been there for a while as an inpatient due to hemophilia comlications. I went outside because I was expecting a call from my fiancee. The pt and another RN were there. I looked at my phone and saw that my fiancee had called and I had missed the call. Out loud I said "My vibrator isn't working." Needless to say, the pt and the RN lost it they were laughing so hard! I see the pt frequently since he is in and out of the hospital, and he never fails to remind me of that statement!
    Amy
  12. by   treysdaddy08
    Quote from Nightngale
    Recently, while working a shift in LTC, a resident asked me to guess her age. Well... Honestly, she looked 90 and had the personality of an angel. She bubbled around the facility in a walker with her rotund body.

    I, in my "wisdom" replyed quickly "75"! Her face dropped, she told me she was 69 and soon to be 70 :imbar !!!
    Something I (as a man) have quickly learned...whoever said honesty was the best policy was never married! If she looks 90 and she asks how old she looks, the answer is "Not a day over 24!" She'll know you're lying and she'll love you for it!
  13. by   treysdaddy08
    Quote from nekhismom
    Fran, I often answer my phone, "house of beauty, this is cutie!" I usually get loud laughs. :chuckle
    When I am in a goofy mood I'll answer my phone "Hello is Mike there?"

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