Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 12

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   canoehead
    Quote from CHATSDALE
    two residents male/female are SO and share a room at this LTC facility...she had seen some of those tv commercials about 'male enhancement' and she came to the nurses station and wanted us to call the md and get some for him... he came over mad as anything and said. LOUDLY, do you have anything to shrink up the grand canyon

    BEAUTIFUL!
  2. by   Audreyfay
    Quote from Rapheal
    My McDonalds story. I was waiting in the drive thru a very long time. Had my neices in the car with me. I was trying to be in a pleasant mood and when we pulled up to get our food I said " A little short handed today?" The man at the window just looked at me without responding. He starts to hand me our food. He has a deformity where both his arms basically in stubs. I was mortified.

    Dead silence in the car as we pull out. My neice says "Good going Auntie". The other neices break out in laughter. I will never forget it.

    How you're playing in my league of foot in mouth!
  3. by   LolaRN
    I was in the bathroom with my 8 year old at a restaurant and I was thinking about the time she accidently walked into the mens restroom instead of the womens. She noticed that I was just standing there and I looked at her and said "whats the matter penis?" when I meant to say what is the matter peanut! :imbar
  4. by   FranEMTnurse
    <table id=incredimaintable cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 width="100%" border=0><tbody><tr><td id=increditextregion style="cursor: auto; font-family: arial" width="100%">one dark night outside a small town in minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink it exploded into massive flames.


    the alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. when the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "all of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. they must be saved and i will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

    but the roaring flames held the firefighters off. soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. as the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

    from the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. it was the nearby norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of norwegians over the age of 65. to everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these norwegian's passed all the newer sleekengines parked outside the plant.....and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

    outside the other firemen watched as the norwegian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.within a short time, the norsk old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. the grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly, norsk fire fighters.

    the local tv news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, "what are you going to do with all that money?"

    vell," said ole larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "da furst thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat foc*ing truck.

    </td></tr></tbody></table>
  5. by   sarahmarion123
    My friend and I were enjoying a meal at a Chick-fil-a at the mall and a couple with 3 children sat down near us. The parents were red-headed and fair skinned and all the childern were very dark-skinned. The 2 older kids were playing around and we got friendly with them and my friend, intending on complimenting the parents, smiled and exclaimed, "I think it is so awesome that you guys adopt children, I really admire that." Both of the parents faces instantly dropped and gave my friend the look of death. Apparently, the kids were not aware of the adoption. My friend tried to apologize profusely, while the couple shooed their kids away from us did their best to ignore us. I tease her all the time and she stills feels awful about it.
  6. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from sarahmarion123
    My friend and I were enjoying a meal at a Chick-fil-a at the mall and a couple with 3 children sat down near us. The parents were red-headed and fair skinned and all the childern were very dark-skinned. The 2 older kids were playing around and we got friendly with them and my friend, intending on complimenting the parents, smiled and exclaimed, "I think it is so awesome that you guys adopt children, I really admire that." Both of the parents faces instantly dropped and gave my friend the look of death. Apparently, the kids were not aware of the adoption. My friend tried to apologize profusely, while the couple shooed their kids away from us did their best to ignore us. I tease her all the time and she stills feels awful about it.
    Wow! She didn shove her foot down her throat; she shoved her whole leg too. I can imaging how awful she must have felt. I bet she doesn't do that anymore.
  7. by   MistyKat10
    A few summers ago I took my neighbors 6 y/o little boy swimming at my aunts. My aunt and I were floating around the pool when he asked my aunt "How do you float like that?" My aunt responded because she was fat. Later that night I was at my neighbors house for dinner when this sweet little boy goes to his mother and says "You know mom, milk is good for your bones, meat is good for your muscles and fat helps you float." I thought I was going to die laughing and could barely explain to his mother where he got the fat helps you float part. :chuckle
  8. by   climber42104
    Not a Freudian slip, maybe slipping somethign else, lol
    Quote from kar212
    Possible Freudian slip???
  9. by   kmrmom42
    Quote from MistyKat10
    A few summers ago I took my neighbors 6 y/o little boy swimming at my aunts. My aunt and I were floating around the pool when he asked my aunt "How do you float like that?" My aunt responded because she was fat. Later that night I was at my neighbors house for dinner when this sweet little boy goes to his mother and says "You know mom, milk is good for your bones, meat is good for your muscles and fat helps you float." I thought I was going to die laughing and could barely explain to his mother where he got the fat helps you float part. :chuckle
    My youngest when he was three years old looked up at his Aunt's largely pregnant belly and said "Aunt Sandra, how you get all that fat food in there?" LOL He hasn't lived that down for the past 18 years!
  10. by   NurseFirst
    In my nursing class we have a number of students from foreign countries. One day we were practicing putting in ear drops...the women I was working with were from Japan, Viet Nam and China...they were talking about the part of the ear you needed to pull back before instilling the drops...

    I cracked up laughing and had to tell them it is "pinna", it is not a plural, it does NOT end in an 's'.

    NurseFirst
    Last edit by NurseFirst on Jan 27, '05
  11. by   RNview
    i used to work as an admin. assistant. i was looking for a client's file whose last name was bobcock. i couldn't find it, so i asked my co-worker who did the file. when we finally found it, she mistakenly typed his name as badcock :chuckle we were lol for it sounds so bad.


    when i was working at the same facility, i was trained to call our clients by their first name instead of last name. one busy day, there were lots of new clients came over. i called one of our client's name, nobody came up to the front. after a while, a man came up to the front, and i asked him... "are you dick?" (the name of the person i was calling a while ago). and the guy said "pardon me?" (i could see from his face that he was so surprised i called him d?ck, he was the wrong person). i was so embarrassed. from then on, i call dick by his last name.
  12. by   climber42104
    Quote from Franemtnurse
    When I get in my silly mood, and the telephone rings, I sometimes answer,
    "fearlessfanny's house of pleasure. How may I help you?" I usually either a click or it goes silent on the other end.
    Well, Fran I worked at a waterpark where I live a few sumemrs ago, and one woman called, and I answerewd the phone sounding gay. When she got there I overheard her telling her friend "I hope that ***';s not hear". I couldn't stop laughing
  13. by   Titiana
    i'm sure he (my instructor) doesn't regret this, but once i had to give a im shot to a pt who was somewhat confused.

    we walk in and the pt tells us that someone came in this morning and gave him a shot for his brain. well, i'm biting my lip and shaking from trying not to laugh and my instructor calmly and with a straight face goes, well, did it work? and the pt just looks in deep in thought and goes, well, not yet.

    i about pissed my pants.

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