Funny things that pts say - page 2

Sometimes sweet innocence can make your whole day...... I once had a pt who had really bad gas as I was helping her into the tub and she stated to me "no need to turn on the jets today honey,... Read More

  1. by   santhony44
    I was in FNP clinicals and had a patient who was a 60-something female. She'd never had a pelvic, though she'd been married and had a child. She agreed to have the pelvic and pap.

    So, I'm doing her exam. First she told me "Oh, honey, I haven't used that thing except to p--- with in years!" Then a couple of minutes later she looks down at me and says "Honey, you can name it after you!"

    I did manage to finish the exam.
  2. by   peridotgirl
    LOL! That's a good one,.. Latex huh?
  3. by   moonischasingme1
    I was in the PACU the other day for clinicals and as this older man was waking up, he asked the nurse, "Will I still be able to play the piano??" The nurse replied, "Well, did you know how to play before?" He said, "NO!" hahah
  4. by   jessi1106
    i have heard many a man speak about his "prostrate".

    Just tonight I had a pt ask for her "depository".

    Last week a pt said to me: "I think I must be really sick, I heard the Dr. say I was a full code".
  5. by   sandybart
    Last week at work we had a pt that smelt really bad. He was 50-yrs-old. I had asked him why he did not use the call button, when he needed help to the bathroom? He replied it takes to long and when I have to go it comes quick.
    So later that day he had already had three showers, he called for a nurse. The RN that had him told me to come with her to his room. The RN knocked at the door, the pt yelled just a minute. The pt was naked, he ran in the shower. So we opened the door and the floor was covered in yellow thick stuff. The RN yelled what is it? The pt was saying UMM UMM UMM. The RN said is that pee? The pt said NO. I was trying to keep my giggle under control. The RN said well what is it? The pt said UMM UMM Okay, I messed up. He said it's crap! It's yellow crap, he yelled.
    So as we were cleaning it up the RN about slipped in it. I told her later, she had a yellow stripe down her back. It was funny.
    You have to laugh most of the time, other wise you want to cry, LOL.
  6. by   Marisaej
    I work in OR, Where very funny things come out post opOne patient was trying with all her might to get up out of bed, took 2 people to restrain her.. the reason? she was convinced she had to go out and buy some socks! IMEDIATLY!! Did not help when one of the surgeons came by and told her that the shop down the road had a sale on socks!!
  7. by   callmekipling
    I got my start as a CNA in geriatrics. Lotta old ladies might not know where they are or how they got there, but they recognize a handsome young man when they see one

    Sat down next to this one sweet gal, and she turns to me and goes "Are you my son?" I say, no ma'am.

    "Well, are you my grandson?"
    "No, ma'am, I work here."
    "Oh good, because you're awfully cute.." and then she wanted a kiss.

    Ah, geriatrics, I miss 'em.
  8. by   Angie O'Plasty
    Here's something amusing a woman at my church told me about: When she got her first pacemaker around 8 years ago, apparently it was rather noticeable as she is a small person and it was bigger than they are now. So her comment about the appearance of her chest was "third boob, one less nipple"!! She said I should use that line with one of my patients sometime (I work on a telemetry floor, so we get the people who have just gotten pacers/ICDs) but I just haven't had the guts to do so...
  9. by   tiggerforhim
    I was about 8 months pregnant and working on the floor. Had to squeeze (very difficult at this point) past the first bed (it was an odd-shaped room that created a bottleneck) to get to my patient in the second bed. He looked at me and said "You're fat!" After deciding whether to laugh or get offended I smiled and said brightly "Not for much longer!" After I explained myself we both had a good laugh.
  10. by   peridotgirl
    Quote from tiggerforhim
    I was about 8 months pregnant and working on the floor. Had to squeeze (very difficult at this point) past the first bed (it was an odd-shaped room that created a bottleneck) to get to my patient in the second bed. He looked at me and said "You're fat!" After deciding whether to laugh or get offended I smiled and said brightly "Not for much longer!" After I explained myself we both had a good laugh.
    I thought that when a nurse is pregnant that she is advised not to work. I mean, how could you do the things a nurse does when you are pregnant? please explain.
  11. by   Tweety
    Quote from peridotgirl
    I thought that when a nurse is pregnant that she is advised not to work. I mean, how could you do the things a nurse does when you are pregnant? please explain.
    Pregnancy does not mean you have to stop being a nurse. Usually a pregnant person can continue doing what they were doing prior to becoming pregnant, and this including being a nurse. Sometimes there is a weight limit in which their doc says they can't lift. Also there are some isolation rooms, like TB rooms, they don't go in, but otherwises it's work as usual.
  12. by   Hellllllo Nurse
    Quote from BHolliRNMS
    A coworker of mine has an uncle in the VA hospital. The nurses had to restrain him last nite, because he wouldn't leave his O2 on and his sats were really low. He also kept trying to get up..can't remember he can't walk. When his daughter arrived for a visit this am, he told her in that loud I can't hear anymore voice, "honey, they've tied down everything but my dick!"

    Well, if he ends up getting a foley, that'll be next.
  13. by   JaredCNA
    A nurse once asked me to restrain a pt.

    I received all the usual questions/statements a confused person will ask/say in this situation.
    "Well, why do you have to do that?" (I just told them why.)
    "I'm not trying to get out of bed." (After I go in there 10+ times to find them half-way in a standing position.)
    "It's not for my safety." Etc, etc.

    But I was really thrown off when this one elderly male patient continued his series of questions, to ask "Well, why? Do you think I will masturbate? I can't even find my ****."

    LMAO!

Must Read Topics


close