Funny things that pts say

Late last night the doors to the ICU swung open, when we looked we saw a pizza delivery guy standing thers with an XL meat lover'a. Assuming one of our co-workers had ordered it we asked who it was for and the guy said "Mr. ____"
We couldn't believe it. That guy was scheduled for a CABG @ 0600!! When we went into his room to tell him about the failed pizza delivery attempt he said "The doctor said I could eat whatever I wanted!"

A coworker of mine has an uncle in the VA hospital. The nurses had to restrain him last nite, because he wouldn't leave his O2 on and his sats were really low. He also kept trying to get up..can't remember he can't walk. When his daughter arrived for a visit this am, he told her in that loud I can't hear anymore voice, "honey, they've tied down everything but my dick!"

I had an elderly male patient who kept removing his sat monitor. I'd go in and put it back on him and explain what it was and why it was important. By 2AM, 7 hours into my 12 hour night shift, the whole thing was getting rather old. I was just getting up out of my chair (it was a slow night in the CCU!) to replace the guys sat probe once again, and I heard the most panicked scream. "HELP, HELP!" he screamed. "You've got to do something! There's a snake in the bed and he's got my dick! You're going to have to cut it off!" O2 sat probe was firmly attached to the patient's penis -- not much of a tracing, though!

wait. Why would u put the O2 stat probe on his penis? Can't it go anywhere else?

I expect that Ruby didn't put it there. More than likely the patient did this all by himself.

The patient removed the probe from his finger and put it on his penis.