Funny things that pts say

I needed a laugh.....these are funny.

My grandfather was 84 years old the first time he ever set foot in a hospital for an overnight stay. He was a "young" 84 and when he was admitted to the hospital where I worked, I quickly went to be by his side.

He had just settled into his room when "Tom" appeared and said, "Hello, MR.______, My name is Tom and I'm going to be your nurse today".

My grandfather turned all red....and about fell off his chair and then said..... "My NURSE....You are my nurse? Boy times have changed....You're not going to crawl in bed with me are you?"

I was so embarrassed but Tom thought it was funny.

so precious

The other night I had a wonderfully oriented pleasant 94yo female patient who had not had a bowel movement in a few days. She had been given medications earlier in the shift, and later on I smelled poop. I went into her room and found her on the bedside commode, and asked, "Did you have a bowel movement?" Cause you never know it could have just been gas. Her reply "What did you think I sprayed my perfume?"

I loved the ETOH withdrawal pt who, when I asked "are you having hallucinations" said to me, "well, you would be too if you had bugs crawling all over your ceiling!!"

I had a patient a couple days ago tell me all about how alfalfa tea would keep you from getting grey hair. She says I am 65 and have no grey hair. Nevermind the fact that I am looking at a completely grey haired 85 year old. I just smiled and told her how nice she looks.

so where i work we have discharge papers with their procedure; vs; meds and when to call the dr stuff. SO!! i was doing such teaching for a pt after TAH-BSO; Appy. you know, normal stuff, but when i got to the part about "when to call the dr", i read thru the things on the sheet and explained s/sx of such things to make sure to call, even if you just have a question or are not sure right? okay, this list is basics; prolonged fever; drainage; not urinating.. all that kinda abn stuff right? okay, so this lady actually asked me
"So, if its not on this list, i dont have to worry about it then right? because if its not listed it must not be anything?".
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i didnt laugh or anything, i was just dumbfounded! so now when i do my teaching with pt's- i make sure and tell them about that section and hit some of them, but tell them that if anything is different or they have any questions to call.
lmao.. what are ppl thinking? i dont get it!!

-H-RN

I worked a night shift on a different floor last night in LTC. There is one very spry 95yo woman who was just diagnosed with pneumonia yesterday and wasn't feeling so hot. Normally she toilets herself completely but last night needed support getting up and down.

I had her standing at the rail by the toilet and asked her if she wanted me to help with her brief. She shot me this horrified look but burst out laughing when I started with the brief.

She said how horrible must I look, I thought you said you'd pray for me :lol I didn't think I was THAT close!

That made me giggle all night, her too when I came back later to get her up again. Sweet old thing, she has quite the memory! Knew all the places I did in Chicago and remembered names that I couldn't find. I really enjoyed her last night

I have a restorative dining program and one little lady Bessie would toddle in every day with her walker. She was so cute. Little bitty tiny thing would walk up to you and give you an eskimo kiss every day and then she would rest her forehead on yours and in a tiny gruff voice say "I love you honey". Everyday when Bessie would leave I'd tell her "see u later aligator". this went on for a few weeks when one day out of the blue, she looks up at me very quizzacle and says "I know there's more to it, I just don't remember what it is". So I told her "You use to tell your daughter that everyday when she went to school and the rest of it is: after while crocodile". She smiled and nodded and said "yes, that's it." and went on her way. At the next meal time, she comes in at the regular time, gives me my eskimo kiss and tells me she loves me, eats her supper and as she's leaving I tell her "see u later aligator" she looks at me kind of funny, like she knows there's more to it but just can't remember and then you could just see the lightbulb () come on and I'm thinking (she actually remembers?) and then with this ornery look, squints one eye and says in the loudest little old lady voice she can muster "OK tadpole". It was soo funny. she had myself and my 2 dietary aides ROFL.

My first clinical I had two patients in the same room who had "sun down syndrome". One patient got confused, got out of her bed (she was ambulatory), started wondering around the room and woke up the other patient. The other confused patient started asking her: "Who are you? Are you my doctor" and the first lady started saying: "Yes, yes I am your doctor" and it went back and forth till I had to take one patient from the room to the RN station... If could not stop smiling.

Also, I was reminding an elderly patient how to use a call light. I said "here is your call light, do you know how to call me for an assistance?" He said yes, but did not sound sure, so I said "could you please demonstrate it" and he started screaming out loud "Nurse help, nurse help!"

I had also a patient with Alzheimer who used to be an RN herself. She was found wondering around on the streets with a drug book. The first time I walked in and introduced myself she said: "Nice to see you honey. I think you lost weight, so thin!" (mind you she never saw me before) I told her I was going to put eye drops in here eye and she said: "I would like to pay you first for this and all services your provide" Then in the middle of the day she tried to get out of the room, saying she needed to go on rounds and see her patients... I hope that's not me one day :-)