Funny things patients say ! - page 9

by TAM

189,890 Views | 294 Comments

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any... Read More


  1. 14
    (Nurse asking admission questions) " So what brought you in today sir?"
    (patient) " The ambulance"
    chaparra9037, maelstrom143, Kandy83, and 11 others like this.
  2. 2
    My husband's great-grandma(85) made this statement: "You know my old friend has grand mal disease (she meant grand mal seizure). Why don't I have it? I'm a grandma!"
    Skips and carolmaccas66 like this.
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    I had a female patient come onto the floor with a Dx of constipation. Admitting/overnight hospitalist came up to attempt to do a manual disimpaction of the patient, I was there at the bedside. MD is doing his best, but Pt. is confused and in pain. She starts saying "No, NO! Stop it, no! You can do that to a man, but you can't do that to a woman!"

    I was trying so hard to not LMAO at the bedside.
  4. 3
    Patient came to us from OR and still had a grounding pad on. When we turned her I told her I was going to take it off and she started screaming "No!! Put that thing back on!! My doctor put that on me!!" Nothing I could do to convince her it had outlived its usefulness and needed to go. Sure enough, when the family came in, here comes her daughter to the desk to complain that her mother's nurse pulled off "a big old pad the doctor put on" and it needed to be replaced as soon as possible.
  5. 3
    I wear navy blue pants, navy blue nursing shoes and a crisp, white nurses uniform with some blue piping around the collar. I also wear my ID badge saying 'Registered Nurse' plus other paraphernalia, have my hair up, a little make-up, nothing too pretentious to try and look like a professional.
    I introduced myself to this old guy one day, saying I will be your nurse today, who then looked at me and said: "Are you SURE you're a nurse?"
    I felt like saying: "Oh no sir! I just dress this way on my days off to fool people!!"
    maelstrom143, Dezy, and nrskirstie like this.
  6. 0
    Quote from nursejess2007
    (Nurse asking admission questions) " So what brought you in today sir?"
    (patient) " The ambulance"
    Love it!
  7. 5
    Quote from sevensonnets
    I had a patient with only one leg who kept trying to get out of bed without his prosthesis. Found him in a heap on his mat one more time. He goes, "Before you say anything maam, I did not fall. It was a controlled landing."
    Oh! This reminds me once when I had a student RN with me one shift. She came rushing out the patient's bathroom and said "Mr Such-and-Such's leg has FALLEN OFF!" I raced in there with her hightailing me, and had to laugh. The patient, a VA guy I found out later, had slipped a little whilst trying to put on his prosthetic leg, complete with sock and shoe on, and the leg had fallen to the floor! I just laughed so hard, and so did he! The poor student was SO embarrased, but I have to say the prosthetic legs nowadays look very real!
    (And he was trying to fit it under long shorts so the student had not seen the connections for the prosthetic).
    Leonca, Orange Tree, arabstarRN, and 2 others like this.
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    Quote from lilhelper
    In the ED, I walked an elderly patient to the bathroom. It was occupied, and in the two minutes we waited, the patient let loose and peed a river on the floor. She shook her head and said, "It happens every time." Wow.
    Oh my God, I just spilled my hot tea everywhere reading this, I was laughing so hard!
  9. 2
    Quote from judy ann
    The firemen brought the 15 year old girl into the ER writhing in pain and clutching her abdomen. The parents were right behind them. The ER doc evaluated her and told the parents that she would be taken to the unit right away. One of the firemen followed to make sure she was all right. When he returned, he told the parents not to worry, that the baby would be here soon. The father shouted "What do you mean? She wasn't pregnant when you brought her in here!" I guess firemen do work fast!
    I guess I'll have to watch out for those extremely fast firemen!

    This thread is hysterical, best laugh I've had in ages!
    chaparra9037 and sevensonnets like this.
  10. 2
    I used to work as the Unit Coordinator of a VERY busy plastic and reconstructive, burns and breast surgery unit. Well I had the front office girl come into my office one day, saying a lady was at the desk, quite well dressed asking to see someone about 'plants'. I thought maybe she was a representative (I dealt with a lot of reps), who wanted to know if we wanted to rent plants for the office, & they come and water them. Our burns surgeon was behind the reception desk, doing some work on another computer at the time, and he was a real joker, quite a character.
    I went out to see her, to tell her it has to go through medical administration and to go down there. I said "What sort of plants were you thinking of bringing?" Well she looked at me very strangely and replied "No, I want to get the plants done HERE." Well, me and this other worker just looked at each other, unsure how to respond.
    Just then the burns surgeon walked over, stared at this woman's flat chest, looked at us, and then said "Oh you mean you want to get IMplants!" The woman finally nodded, and gave a great big smile.
    I couldn't answer this woman right away, as I was too busy trying to hold onto the desk to stop me from falling on the floor with laughter.
    maelstrom143 and sevensonnets like this.


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