Funny things patients say !

[TAM]

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

[LPN_mn]

Maryb I was born and bred in Arkansas and loved your story. As I was LMAO all I could think was "only in Arkansas". Thanks for the great story.

[MQ Edna]

How many of your OB patients had an "epidermal" anesthetic for delivery? There's also a (possibly aprocryphal) about the teen who wanted to name her new daughter "lady parts" because it was such a pretty word. She wasn't about to be fobbed off on "Virginia", either!

[TiggerRN]

After my first day of clinical, my dad called me to see how it went. He's got a very warped sense of humour. I explained to him that I was in a LTC facility, and my patient was comatose with very rigid contractures. He asked me how he did the daily "business of life" and I replied "Well, he wears a condom catheter." My dad was curious and wanted it explained. I tried to explain that due to his contractures, I needed two hands, one just to pry his legs apart and the other to put on the condom catheter. He was having trouble with this visual, and I guess it didn't help when I said: "You know what I mean Dad, it a two-hand job." As I said it, I realized how it sounded, but couldn't take it back.

There was a pause, then my dad yelled out to my mom: "Olivia, do you know what we our daughter's doing in nursing school!?"

[nursy_ann]

I work in a psychiatric hospital with intellectual hand. ppl. One night I was in my office doing paperwork when a patient came in and showed me the phone saying "emergency pls....emergency!" When I asked him what was wrong he answered he had a terrible pain to a theeth. Well he just doesn't have any theeth!

[NurseDennie, BSN, RN]

There was a guy that was juuuuuussssttt barely hanging on. I'd been in his room a LOT, trying to head of the code I was expecting to have to call on him any time now.

Administering blood. Got the first unit in, had just switched over to NS to flush the lines, and was turning very quickly to step back and out to the hall to order the second unit. Right leg moved out - okay, no problem..... Left leg -- ooops, a no-show. Sciatic a$$ lock (i've described this in various posts).

Another nurse came running into the room saying "What HAPPENED?" and there I was on the floor, trying very hard to come to terms with the fact that my face had been on the floor. I was definitely FDGB.

The patient, lucid for the first time since I'd known him, casually gestures to me on the floor and states: "She fell on her face. I think she hurt herself pretty bad, too. She hit Hard!"

Love

Dennie

[judy ann]

The firemen brought the 15 year old girl into the ER writhing in pain and clutching her abdomen. The parents were right behind them. The ER doc evaluated her and told the parents that she would be taken to the unit right away. One of the firemen followed to make sure she was all right. When he returned, he told the parents not to worry, that the baby would be here soon. The father shouted "What do you mean? She wasn't pregnant when you brought her in here!" I guess firemen do work fast!

[momrn50]

How about the old fella who came to visit a friend in the LTC place I work. Said," That Old-timers disease is a terrible thing"..of course meaning Alzheimer's... his way makes more sense to me.

[KIWIRN]

in our ward we had Mrs M, a slightly confused lady(84) sharing a room with another lady of a similar age (Mrs Y).

Mrs Y was troubled by nausea every morning for about 3 days, and we were trying to identify the cause when Mrs M spoke up loudly and very seriously "Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

I couldn't help myself i lol she was sooooo serious:stone :roll

[KKERRN]

Young male in with head injury due to fall down steps. As handing him a urinal and asking him to give a sample he looks under his blanket and says "I'm having a serious shrinkage problem here!" I replied, "That shouldn't interfere with you giving a sample". Needless to say, he had a strong odor of ETOH on his breath!!

[mother/babyRN, RN]

I worked in a progressive care unit too (step down telemetry) and was doing rounds when I came to an elderly lady who seemed fine, UNTIL I asked what had brought her in.."I was minding my own business in the backyard when a plane came by and straffed me in the head.." Needless to say she had a psych consult...And, not too long after that during a float to the emergency room I had a woman tell me she took latex and rabbit pills (turned out to be lasix and verapamil). Now that I am on OB, there are too many to mention in one post. I do, however, notice that a lot of patients ask for an "epidermal" instead of an epidural...

[dawngloves, BSN, RN]

I haven't thought of this in ages!

Had to take my asthmatic husband to the ER, slow night, just him and a burn patient.

Seems this guy was hanging signs around town for a weight loss supplement he was hawking. Einstien hammered one to an electric pole and... *ZAP*! Blew out power to a city block and gave himself a nice electrical burn.

Well he got dosed up with morphine and was waiting for transfer to a burn unit at another hospital, his wife arrived and was talking to his nurse at the nurses station. Poor nurse made the mistake of asking about this weight loss supplement!

Well, she's giving him a sales pitch and hubby, all gorky, is on the stretcher yelling, "It's great! Great stuff! Gotta try it!" the whole time!

The wife asks, "Can I give you my card?" The nurse, not missing a beat says, "No thanks, I'll just look for your signs. "

:roll

[franklin]

asked why a patient at OR suddenly changed his mind about the operation:

patient:well, i heard the nurse said,"dont worry its a very simple procedure,you can do it"

nurse:that's correct,then why did you refused to be operated on?

patient: you see, the nurse is talking to the surgeon not to me!!!!