Funny things patients say ! - page 27

by TAM

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any... Read More


  1. 0
    Quote from <3 RN
    I feel so guilty for laughing, but I took care of a patient that told me his hemorrhoids "really popped out" when he strained, so he had to just let the stool "flow out of him". So I go to give him a suppository about an hour later and realized that he had a prolapsed rectal mucosa. Poor guy mistook that for hemorrhoids. So all those times that his hemorrhoids were "really popping out", it was his rectum trying to escape his body. When I explain to him what was happening, his eyes light up and he says, "Cool! I can poop out part of my body!"
    Alrighty then...
  2. 1
    i remember one patient. The nurse was asking him what is number was (meaning pain number from 0-10). he responded by rattling off some long number about 8 digits long. Meanwhile we all just looked at him confused. Needless to say he thought we said pin number not pain number and he recited his number from his days in the army...about 60 years before.
    mrsmamabear2002 likes this.
  3. 4
    As a student nurse, I was assigned two absolutely adorable, sweet, demented to the point of
    being completely off-the-wall, little old ladies. Neither would ever see 95 again. They happily spent their days planning meals for the entire
    congregation of the church the one lady's husband had been minister of.

    One of the ladies had had ankle surgery and my assignment was to change the dressing. Neither woman
    was willing to stop meal planning any of the several times I tried. Finally, my CI said I could do it
    in the pt.'s room, while they continued to "work."

    It did not start off as one of my better dressing changes! Finally, the one lol couldn't stand it anymore!
    She stood up, came over, brushed my CI aside, washed her hands, snapped on gloves as though she'd done
    it 1000 times before, and wrapped the ankle. The CI and I just stood there with our mouths hanging wide
    open!

    Her son came and told his mom had been a surgeon way back when almost NO women were MDs.

    (Imagine Marion Lorne, who played Aunt Clara on Bewitched and Gracie Allen and you've just imagined
    the ladies...)
    R!XTER, hikernurse, Hygiene Queen, and 1 other like this.
  4. 2
    Quote from sharpeimom
    As a student nurse, I was assigned two absolutely adorable, sweet, demented to the point of
    being completely off-the-wall, little old ladies. Neither would ever see 95 again. They happily spent their days planning meals for the entire
    congregation of the church the one lady's husband had been minister of.

    One of the ladies had had ankle surgery and my assignment was to change the dressing. Neither woman
    was willing to stop meal planning any of the several times I tried. Finally, my CI said I could do it
    in the pt.'s room, while they continued to "work."

    It did not start off as one of my better dressing changes! Finally, the one lol couldn't stand it anymore!
    She stood up, came over, brushed my CI aside, washed her hands, snapped on gloves as though she'd done
    it 1000 times before, and wrapped the ankle. The CI and I just stood there with our mouths hanging wide
    open!

    Her son came and told his mom had been a surgeon way back when almost NO women were MDs.

    (Imagine Marion Lorne, who played Aunt Clara on Bewitched and Gracie Allen and you've just imagined
    the ladies...)

    Awesome!!! Thank you for sharing this story...Aloha~
    JeanettePNP and sharpeimom like this.
  5. 0
    Quote from rn134good
    i remember one patient. The nurse was asking him what is number was (meaning pain number from 0-10). he responded by rattling off some long number about 8 digits long. Meanwhile we all just looked at him confused. Needless to say he thought we said pin number not pain number and he recited his number from his days in the army...about 60 years before.
    My grandpa did that!
    That's funny and I wonder how many other old vets have done the same.
    I do know that the staff thought it was hilarious and Grandpa did too.
  6. 3
    Many years back when I still worked as a staff nurse in VIP room, a man with expensive suit was accompanying his mother that being readmitted for having urination dificulty. I saw him very familiar with hospital situation by some of his words about hospitalization. When we done settling his mother with all things in the VIP room, hi tapped my shoulder and speak gently, "I've been long suspecting that my mother having problem with prostate hypertrophy". I was about to smile but managed to keep myself well behaved and answered, "I'm afraid she isn't, Sir. But we can discussed it if you would like to". He firmly smile and said, "No thank you. I prefer to discuss the matter directly with the surgeon about removing her prostate..!". No more thing I could say, "Very well , Sir. I will notify the surgeon on the next call".
    I went back to the nurse station, felt so glad not to be the one who will see his reaction when told that a woman has no prostate.
  7. 5
    today I was taking care of an end of life patient who is a 90 year old WWII vet. I was trying to make him comfortable, and as I leaned over him grabbed my boob and said "I'm sorry, I had to grab a titty one last time before I die" I was speechless!
    mds1, R!XTER, blaundee, and 2 others like this.
  8. 2
    Once I had a patient to whom I said, "We are going to have to do a below-knee amputation, unfortunately."

    He looked terrified and angry. Then he said, "No one is going to amputate MY baloney!"

    Wow. I couldn't blame him!

    http://zdoggmd.com

    http://facebook.com/zdoggmd
    JeanettePNP and Natkat like this.
  9. 0
    "Well, my mom has a congested heart..."

    "I have abdominal pain. I'm not sure if I'm pregnant but my period is 2 months late and I had tropical pregnancy so my doctor said if I ever get pregnant again I have to make sure the baby is in the right place."
  10. 1
    I woke a young gangbanger up from anesthesia for a.. you guessed it.. GSW. and he became quite combative attempting to pull out his A line, IJ cordis and NG tube which I had so thoughfuly put in him.. Reasoning with him was worthless and he was fighting all of us... he started spitting and yelled.. "I'm gonna shoot all you M.....F...."...The OR nurse said.. " He's going to sue us all" I said.. " No.. in this gentleman's socioeconomic strata.. They don't sue... He said SHOOT all of us" I put him back to sleep.. intubated him and took him to the ICU.


    I STILL don't know why I can't carry my Glock to work...
    mds1 likes this.


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