Funny things patients say !

[TAM]

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

[sweet sunshine]

I had a patient ask me for a wash cloth. When I asked him if he needed help washing up he said no, he needed the wash cloth to use as a "fart muffler" so he wouldn't disturb his roommate.

[Christy1019, ASN, RN]

I had a patient ask me for a wash cloth. When I asked him if he needed help washing up he said no, he needed the wash cloth to use as a "fart muffler" so he wouldn't disturb his roommate.

Omg I'm dying!!! Lmao!!

[OhHeyNurse]

Hahahaha

[sammy563]

I work in a facility where a section is only for residents with dementia. I am putting one of the ladies to bed and she says "I swear my roommate leaves the light on every time she leaves I think she had dementia or something" It was hard not to Crack up

[PomMom65]

Walking down the unit one morning with my boss, we found an elderly man getting out of bed to take him self to the bath room. This man had taken his bed alarm off and probably should have had some assistance. My boss and I walked into the room and this man states, "Good morning, it is so nice to have two full figured gals to help you out first thing in the morning." All I could do was laugh.

[jae501]

Thank goodness I found this thread tonight because I have the most perfect thing to add to it!

Pt: *calls nurses* "Hello there, are you there?"

CN: Yes? Good evening? How may I help you?

Pt: "Oh I'm just so constipated! Please bring me some eye drops!"

I've never laughed so hard after I got off the phone!!! The Patient was 100% with it cognitively too.

Must have been some pretty powerful eyedrops

Anal glaucoma?

[jae501]

'Bob' was one of the cute little old 92 year old men, big ears, balding head and glasses that were now too big for his face- 'Bob' liked to try to get out of his wheelchair and walk... even though he couldn't, and even with a tab alarm (that he was able to disarm) he still would get up. On his most recent fall he scuffed his chin nose and forehead pretty good- When I saw him a couple days after the incident I asked him what happened, he replied "I bit the floor, it bit back" then he gets this huge grin on his face- I asked him what he was smiling at "I can see your boobs" I was bent down to be eye level with him in his wheelchair- I cried with laughter.

The other night, I had a resident off the reservation with delusions and anxiety. In the midst of her going kookoo-banana sandwich, my sweet little 'Kitty', who has been very sick and inactive in activities as of recent, looks at the med tech and says "Can you give her a pill? Or give me one."

[MegJackson]

Trauma patient with several intracranial bleeds and altered mental status is consistently not oriented to person, place, time, or situation. However, with neuro checks q2h, he consistently was able to correctly answer one question...

RN: "Can you tell me who the president of the United States is?"

Pt: "Obama, damnit!"

[cocoa_puff]

During one of my clinical rotations, I was helping the wound care nurse with older, female resident. I explained to the resident that we were going to check the wound on her foot, and she yelled back at me "You're going to put a baby on my chest!??! Don't put a baby on my chest! I don't want a baby on my chest!!!"

[cocoa_puff]

Back when I worked in memory care, a little 98 yr old lady asked me, "Is this a brothel?"

She also thought I was her "lady's maid" (think Downton Abbey).