Funny things patients say ! - page 16

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   Shazoom
    Resident asked me when meeting me "are your bits mixed up?" since im a guy and introduced myself as his nurse lol.
  2. by   SuperStarRN
    Pt.: "Is there an outlet for me to plug up my computer? I want to watch my pornos."
    Me: "Sure let me plug that in for you."
  3. by   Clovery
    My clinical group is sitting around the nurse's station on the peds unit. We're doing case studies -- there were no patients that night. It's a locked unit, and the doorbell rings. Someone hits the button to open the door and in comes a 20-something guy, with a Big Gulp in one hand and a plastic shopping bag filled with what looks like clothes in the other.

    my Clinical Instructor : "Can we help you?
    guy: Yeah um, I'm looking for my girlfriend.
    CI: Well this unit is empty, so she's not here... Is she having a baby?
    guy: no. well, at least, I don't think so. I'm a guy and all so I really don't know.

    < awkward silence, everyone is a bit puzzled and not sure what to say >

    finally, a student: Is your girlfriend pregnant?
    guy: Yeah, she's pregnant but her due date isn't until next month. She called and told me she's at this hospital.
    CI: You might want to check with Labor and Delivery -- it's down the hall..."

    maybe it was just the boredom of not having any patients, but we laughed for a solid 5 minutes about this poor clueless guy... His gf was at least 8 months pregnant and it still wasn't a reality for him that she was "having a baby"
  4. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Quote from SuperStarLPN
    Pt.: "Is there an outlet for me to plug up my computer? I want to watch my pornos."
    Me: "Sure let me plug that in for you."

    'And would you like us to inflate your companion doll?'
  5. by   Poi Dog
    Quote from No Stars In My Eyes
    'And would you like us to inflate your companion doll?'
    Is companion doll the PC term for blowup doll?

    Inquiring monkey mind needs to know
  6. by   RaineyRN
    I was calling select pt's to recruit for a certain focus group...
    says the sweet gentleman on the phone...

    "Yeah, sure... I'll sign up for that... what is this again? A brain transplant?"
    "Uh, no, sir...not exactly..."
  7. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Quote from Poi Dog
    Is companion doll the PC term for blowup doll?

    Inquiring monkey mind needs to know

    Yep, well, I don't know if it OFFICIALLY is, but I was trying to be discreet.
  8. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    I walked up to get breath sounds on a sleeping elderly lady with dementia, thought I could get them w/o waking her. MISTAKE . . .
    (Already had done introduction, initial assessment, it was after a resp tx.)

    She grabbed my arm with a lock-tight grip, and the toothless darling went to town gumming my arm up and down like a corn-on-the- cob OR a frightened creature fighting for her life. It was my first week of Nursing on my own, years back.

    THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST WIERDEST FEELING THAT STILL KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT WITH GOOSEBUMPS!!!!
  9. by   JennyNurse2B
    Quote from BostonTerrierLoverRN
    I walked up to get breath sounds on a sleeping elderly lady with dementia, thought I could get them w/o waking her. MISTAKE . . .
    (Already had done introduction, initial assessment, it was after a resp tx.)

    She grabbed my arm with a lock-tight grip, and the toothless darling went to town gumming my arm up and down like a corn-on-the- cob OR a frightened creature fighting for her life. It was my first week of Nursing on my own, years back.

    THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST WIERDEST FEELING THAT STILL KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT WITH GOOSEBUMPS!!!!
    OMG!!! Yeah, I believe that would have been a bit creepy!!
  10. by   jocelynlpn
    Working in LTC, I have so many stories to tell. Here's a few:

    One man is in his early 70s with dementia. He was confused and telling one of our staff members about how he's known her for years and years (not true of course). So all she said to him was "Wow Bill I guess I just forgot" He replied with "Jeez you have worse alzheimers than I do!"

    One other lady is very hard of hearing. You can try speak to her in a clear tone but sometimes it just doesn't cut it. So one day after trying to tell her the same thing about 3 times, I raised my voice a little. She says to me "Jeez not so loud! Don't be rude"

    When I do 2200 rounds on my evening shift I always say to this one lady "Goodnight don't let the bed bugs bite" and she'd always say "and if they bite, squeeze them tight!"
  11. by   BoopADoop
    I worked in a long term care facility, and there was this 102-year-old woman who frequently self-transferred, knew how to turn off her chair and bed alarms, and liked to wander around our unit. One day, I came into another resident's room to find the woman in there, sorting through the other resident's things. I gently tried to explain to her that she was in someone else's room and offered to walk with her back to her own when she slowly turned her body towards me, threw her arms up in the air and cried "I am a heavenly servant of the Lord Jesus Christ and I shall do his bidding!", grabbed several objects and shoved them quickly into her bosom, and slowly inched through the hallway and back to her room with her walker.
  12. by   Aeterna
    Nurse: (reminding him) You have Alzheimer's.
    Patient: Who is she?

    This is the same patient who took his roommate's glasses by mistake and bumped his way to the nursing station to say, "I'm blind! I can't see!", once walked out of his room wearing a shirt but his pants hanging around his neck, and often times refused to comb his hair, making him look a bit like Einstein.
  13. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Quote from BoopADoop
    I worked in a long term care facility, and there was this 102-year-old woman who frequently self-transferred, knew how to turn off her chair and bed alarms, and liked to wander around our unit. One day, I came into another resident's room to find the woman in there, sorting through the other resident's things. I gently tried to explain to her that she was in someone else's room and offered to walk with her back to her own when she slowly turned her body towards me, threw her arms up in the air and cried "I am a heavenly servant of the Lord Jesus Christ and I shall do his bidding!", grabbed several objects and shoved them quickly into her bosom, and slowly inched through the hallway and back to her room with her walker.

    I'm going to have to remember that quote, it might come in handy someday!!!

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Funny things patients say !