Funny things patients say !

Nurses Humor

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

When I was in nursing school I was passing meds to an elderly patient who had a touch of dementia, I crushed the pills and put a little bit of orange juice with the crushed pills in the medicine cup. This poor old man asked me "Is, is this Urine?", lol. He was a cute old fellow, I'll never forget it!

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

One of my home care patients looked at me with big concerned eyes and said "my right lung feels like a fig." lol ... :) not an eggplant mind you - a fig.

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We were assisting a lady partsl delivery and after a tedious wait, the baby came out. The mother was not wailing at all, unbelievably. When the doctor was stitching the perineum, the mother started to feel the pain. When she can't take the pain anymore, she shouted, " I want a CS, now!" There was a moment of silence, until we can't contain ourselves anymore and laughed to death.:uhoh3:

As a mom of five who has had stitches with each one(large babies;), honestly I did labour w/o pain meds but the stitches yikes! Apparently if you rip upwards you have no chance in h@## that it will be painless ,it's like no other torture :clown:

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

mommywithplenty---As a 0p/0g....allow me to say : OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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My four year old cousin goes to the Dr. for a consult about the growth hormones she has to take, and once she is certain that she will not be getting her shot (they terrify her) She looks her Dr. in the eye and says... "Dr. we have problem (holds up her fingers and points to the fifth digit) why do I grow, but my fingers don't??"":)

I love hearing the stories her mom tells about the things she tells her Dr.!!! Kids really do say the darndest things!!

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Must have been some pretty powerful eyedrops :D

Actually, if you drink Visine, it will give you diarrhea (as seen in the movie, The Wedding Crashers lol)

Alissa, RN LOL

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Specializes in Paramedic 15 years, RN now.

I have so many stories but they are all from the ER and involve disgusting yet hilarious language and editing them will completely obliterate the humor....grrr

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Specializes in Oncology, Medical.

We had a patient on our floor who, for some reason, was having hallucinations (mind you, we aren't a psych floor so we aren't used to this!) He once was convinced that one of the night shift nurses was running a prostitution ring. He also once called in the police to report a murder in his room! (As in, the police actually came up to his room!)

Another student nurse told me about another patient who had hallucinations. He kept insisting that his "little green friend" was visiting and at his bedside!

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last week in neurotrauma icu we had a 16-yr patient that was in for an ATV accident.... well his catheter wasn't draining like it should have so I told him I had to flush his foley. I pulled out my hemostats to clamp the foley tubing and my patient immediately started to cry and say "please don't cut me..... please don't cut me". :lol2: I finally realized he thought that my hemostats were scissors--- poor kid.

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Specializes in LTC.
I work in a psychiatric hospital with intellectual hand. ppl. One night I was in my office doing paperwork when a patient came in and showed me the phone saying "emergency pls....emergency!" When I asked him what was wrong he answered he had a terrible pain to a theeth. Well he just doesn't have any theeth!

I had a patient c/o a tooth ache. He only had one tooth in his mouth.

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Specializes in Not specified.

A Status cpost fall R hip ORIF patient was in so much pain and I was determined to manage it. As I was administering her morphine, because she was in so much pain she could only manage a few words. She said to me between her grunts and groans of pain, "OOOOOH, Uhhhhh. You have such pretty hair, oohhhhh. UHHHHH! I'm a male nurse with black hair.

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Specializes in Not specified.

Hope you escaped with your lungs intact

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