Funny Doctor Situations

We had an elderly foreign dr with a very thick accent who never answered his pages. One of his pts was coding and the charge nurse was screaming at him slowly to get his butt in there! Never did show up. Was fired but that's not the funny part. When it came time to calculate dopamine he had no clue and asked me to do it - after explaining I'm an aide but I can tell him that 10 x 4 is 40.

We called him 'gramps' because, well, we're just mean I guess. One day I was answering phones while the UC was on break. He sits down next to me and the phone rings. I answer it and hang up. This dr thought it was his beeper ringing and starts cussing about his damn beeper not working. I just roll my eyes and let it go. There's no point in trying to explain anything to this man. A minute later the phone rings again and the dr brings out his pager and starts cussing. He hands it to me and asks me what's wrong with it. I tell him I don't know. I really don't want to explain to this poor guy that he's lost it. Phone rings again and I answer. This time he picks up his cell phone and starts talking on it. Thing is, his cell phone never rang. He throws the cell phone down and starts cussing again. By now all the nurses are looking at him and trying not to laugh. He gets up to get a chart and when he attempts to sit down, he misses the chair completely and lands on his butt. Ok, that last part isn't funny but if you knew how big of a jerk/idiot this guy was you'd laugh. We all jumped up to make sure he was ok, after all, he was grandpa. But we laughed later.

He's still practicing, just doesn't have privileges to admit.

I once worded a request to a MD the wrong way.
ME:"Doctor I was going to ask you if Mr ***** could have a flutter valve after his Breathing TX's."
Doc:"What changed your mind?"
Shocked me speachless and took me a full Minute to say
"Can Mr ***** have a flutter valve."
Whole nurses station busted up laughing mainly because they had never seen me speechless.

When ED doc informed me of an admission to med/surg I said "Ok but next admission gets your room."
Both laughed and I entered nurses station to discuss with CNA where to put new admit, MD overheard the discussion of 3 Male beds left, 2 Female beds left and all rooms "dirty." (meaning no place for something not infectious).
MD said, "You were serious weren't you."
I said, "Yep"
Funny enough no more admissions that night.

Thats funny, i've never realized that myself!

A friend of mine is a unit clerk. One of the docs is an older gentleman with no sense of humor at all. One day she made some joke that he just didn't like and he said "You know, one day you and I are going to have a dual." And she says, "Oh, cool, can we have swords?" He just stomped off while everyone else that was there was just laughing.

I worked in post CABG unit and we had this brand new "wet behind the ears" Anesthesiologist who had just come on board. We not only had pt's post CABG but also preop, so we developed some close relationships with our patients. One of the post-op pt's had been extubated early and was doing extremely well, so one of my coworkers asked if he were up for a gag on the Anesthesiologist and he said yes. She explained that this young new MD would come in and ask if he had any questions about his anesthesia and how he was doing etc. She told the pt to tell the Doc that he had been awake for the entire surgery, heard everything that was said but couldn't move a muscle. Oh my gosh, you should have seen how white that poor Anesthesiologist became, we thought he was going to pass out right there! Of course nobody could hold a straight face and he soon knew we were joking. The only thing he said was that he had no idea how he was going to even begin to chart that the pt had been awake. He seemed soooo relieved that it was a joke!!! Poor man, I don't think he'll ever quite live that one down!!

I told one of our hospitalists the other night that he was going to have to scoot over a little and share his chair! Should have seen his face! I think he thought I was serious at first because I was walking towards him to get to the chair on the other side. He was looking at a chart at the time so he wasn't really paying that much attention to what was going on around him and didn't notice that there was only 1 unoccupied chair left. He caught on pretty quick though and was like "No, you can sit next to me, but I'm not sharing!"

A few years ago, the peds ophthalmologist was doing the exams; he plugs his light into the incubator (they use batteries now, this never would have happened), and tries to turn on the light. No go. He tries another outlet, still no go. He looks up @ me and says, "It's not working, I can't get it to work..."

I pointed @ the other end of the plug that actually gets connected to the light it self and said, "Doesn't that part have to go somewhere?" (It wasn't connected to the light, that's why the light didn't light.)

He looked up @ me again and said, "I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

Ummm. Nope!

We had a physician who was in an office across the street from the hospital. One of his patients was just losing her mind...dementia, tubes, and unfamiliar staff just doesn't work well for these poor elderly ladies sometimes. When she started screaming at the top of her lungs, I called Dr. S____'s office, told the receptionist to open the window and get the doc for me, then told him "Your patient is calling you".
His answer----"Oh, is that what that noise is?". Then I got a really good Ativan order