Funniest Things Doctors say!

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What is the funniest thing that a doctor has ever charted, stated, or ordered! :lol2:

I had a patient with end stage AIDS. The patient's doctor came up to me and asked me how her kyphosis sarcomas are looking. I stated, "Well those sarcomas do appear alittle arched!" lol. He asked me if I was being funny or serious and that this was a serious matter because if I didn't know already the patient would inevitably die!

Aaaa, no duh sherlock!:yeah:

Specializes in med/surg.

Sitting in the nurse's station one day talking to an ortho doc, and the "Lullaby" comes on the overhead to announce a new birth. The doc stops talking, looks up and says "hey! It's the medicaid theme song!"

I know, so politically incorrect, but funny all the same.

Okay, here's another...

My first year of nursing I worked in a very rural hospital where the RNs worked both the floor (ten beds between two RNs) and also the ER.

A young woman came in to ER one Saturday with a dental abscess. She had seen both the clinic doctor and the dentist during the week, but over night the swelling and pain had gotten so bad she had to come in. One eye was shut and she had about twice as much face on the right as she did on the left, she was so swollen.

When the resident arrived to see her, she had her head down and was holding an ice pack to her face. He walked over and introduced himself.

She looked up, and he was so shocked by her hugely swollen face that he said, "Oh my GOD!" and actually jumped backward.

She was okay with it, and he did apologize, but man was that funny.

Specializes in med/surg.

Called the doc about a patient who wasn't looking too good-

Me: Her mental status has declined since yesterday, her pressures are low, her temp is low, her WBCs are dropping (2.4), her edema is greatly increased, and she just doesn't look good. We put her on tele, and it looks like some ST depression. (this lady was really sick, infection, lots of co-morbidities, has a tendency to refuse treatments that may pose a risk-such as cross allergy to penicillin-rather than treat these problems, not a whole lot left that she'd let us do to help her)

Dr.: Well, honestly, I think she's doomed. Is she a DNR?

Me: Nope, full code.

Dr.: Lovely.

Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
She looked up, and he was so shocked by her hugely swollen face that he said, "Oh my GOD!" and actually jumped backward.

She was okay with it, and he did apologize, but man was that funny.

Had something similar happen, only *I* was the patient! My family seems to only have "urgent" stuff happen on weekends when my PCP's office is closed. I really *hate* to go to the ER for things that are really just "urgent" rather than actual emergencies, but we don't have any urgent care clinics in my town, so ER is the only option on weekends.

I had a sinus infection that had gone to my eyes and my ears in very short order, and the speed with which it was progressing told me I couldn't wait until morning to see my PCP. When the ER doc walked into my curtained area, he looked at the green goop oozing out of my eye and down my cheek and said, "EWWW!" and then followed it up with "Yikes!" and "Sheesh" after looking in my nose and ear.

I ended up with a Rocephin injection, gentamicin drops, and (I think) Keflex horse-pills, plus a follow-up with my PCP in a couple days. Good thing I didn't tough it out and wait until the next day!

Dr.: Well, honestly, I think she's doomed. Is she a DNR?

Me: Nope, full code.

Dr.: Lovely.

I called one of my favourite doctors one evening about a patient whose blood sugar was sky-high.

(in Canada, normal sugar on the scale we use is 5-7)

Me: "Her blood sugar is 26.9."

Doctor: Fantastic!!

I was getting report from days a few weeks ago and one of the attending docs was rounding. The doc saw us at the chart rack and diverted in to see the patient first so that we could finish. We finished our report, he, his exam and we moved so he could have the chart. Very nonchalantly he says, "The gown in this room is very hungry." The other RN and I stared at him a second and he laughed and said, "Go look. Very hungry." The patient was a "picker" and had disconnected the tube feed from the Lopez valve; so the tube feed was running out in the gown. :)

Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage.

The docs on our unit take call from home. We're coding a guy who has thrown bilateral PEs. I call the resident, then the attending. The attending, after I explain what exactly is going on: "Do I really NEED to come in?" "Um, I think so..." "Has he gotten any better, at all?" (Said in hopeful voice.) "No, he's still in asystole like he has been for the last twenty minutes..." "Did you call the resident?" "Yes...but I still think you have to come in...he's coding..."

Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.
The docs on our unit take call from home. We're coding a guy who has thrown bilateral PEs. I call the resident, then the attending. The attending, after I explain what exactly is going on: "Do I really NEED to come in?" "Um, I think so..." "Has he gotten any better, at all?" (Said in hopeful voice.) "No, he's still in asystole like he has been for the last twenty minutes..." "Did you call the resident?" "Yes...but I still think you have to come in...he's coding..."

Needless to say, you handle this situation very tactfully, therefore, I commend you :yeah:...Aloha~

One of the threads with the most amusing stories. Thanks for making me laugh!

More of a humorous situation than something said...

One of the docs I know pretty well hurried into the nursing station one morning. I happened to be there and he says, not exactly panicky, but with a bit of urgency,

"Um, Saoirse, Patient X is kind of on the floor..."

I immediately went down to the room, where my coworker was with the patient waiting for help. I mentioned the doctor had told me about this and she said,

"Yeah, he offered to help me get her up but I said no thanks, please find me a nurse."

Specializes in Psychiatry.

I am not sure if this is a true incident or not. An elderly nurse and an elderly, hard-of-hearing doctor hooked up. After a few drinks at the bar, they ended up in his penthouse. One thing led to another. In bed, the nurse had a slight chest pain and she squeeked, "I have an acute angina". The not-so-happy doc said, "You better, 'cause your breasts aren't cute as hell."

Specializes in Psychiatry.
More of a humorous situation than something said...

One of the docs I know pretty well hurried into the nursing station one morning. I happened to be there and he says, not exactly panicky, but with a bit of urgency,

"Um, Saoirse, Patient X is kind of on the floor..."

I immediately went down to the room, where my coworker was with the patient waiting for help. I mentioned the doctor had told me about this and she said,

"Yeah, he offered to help me get her up but I said no thanks, please find me a nurse."

I didn't get the joke.

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