Funniest thing a new nurse said/charted/asked... - page 4

Recently, while orienting a new nurse to the floor, I was reviewing her charting. She charted scrotal edema as..." Scrotal edema the size of a large baking potatoe". I couldn't help but laugh ... Read More

  1. by   zookiii
    When I was a nurse working in orthopedics, I went up to a newly admitted patient and said loudly ....." Shall I put that traction on you,Dick?" and wondered why all the other patients laughed out loud! I soon learnt to think before I spoke!
  2. by   Megsd
    At clinical the other day I had a patient who was a new onset CHF. The CNS in charge of HF education asked if that was my patient and explained she was going to do some teaching and asked if I wanted to watch. Of course I was thrilled to be invited and said yes, so she and I began walking down the hall. She stopped in the patient's room next to mine, but I figured she had something additional to do in there so I didn't say anything, but I stayed outside the room.

    I heard her say "Good morning, I understand you've been recently diagnosed with heart failure and..." and the lady in the room gasped and said "Oh my God, I was?? No one told me!" The CNS sounded very confused and looked at the name on the I&O sheet by the bathroom and realized she was in the wrong room. She apologized profusely, said she should have checked the pt's name before starting to talk, and as she left, said "Well, have a nice day, and I'm very glad you don't have heart failure!"
  3. by   Justhere
    I work in the nursery and we had a PCT working with us. Well we guess she has heard some of us telling the babies that still have alot of mucous in their stomachs that "go ahead a puke you'll feel better," because they are usually gaging through their feedings and don't want to take the 30 cc we have to give them. But after they puke they usually feed better and don't gag anymore (most of the time the puking happens when we are burping the baby). So she was sitting there feeding a baby and then burped him, after the baby burped she looked at us and said "so I keep patting him until he pukes right." We just about came unglued.
  4. by   Justhere
    OH I FORGOT the other male cath. post made me remember. When I was a lpn student 15 years ago, I was doing clinicals in the ICU. The nurse I was following was from overseas, England I believe but don't hold it to me. Well she was telling me and another student that she hadn't been over here long and where she was from they were not allowed to do male catheters that the doctors did them. So she asked us to help her. Well we get in there to put in a catheter in a quadrapledgic (sorry if misspelled) pt who was not circumcised. Well her eyes got real big and looked at us, so in a low voice we told her that she had to pull the foreskin back to expose the head of the penis, after that through out the whole procedure she just kept repeating "Oh, lord. Oh, my." She tried to keep her sterile field by taking the sterile blue sheet with the hole in the middle that you put over the penis, she was taking that and trying not to touch the penis with her hand to pull the foreskin back so that she would be sterile with both hands. We finially told her she had to use the one had to pull it back but then she couldn't move it after she got everything in place so not to break her sterile field. Well that lead off with another string of "Oh My's and Oh My Lord." But she finially got the catheter in with yet another run of "oh my and oh lords" when she basically had to put the tubing all the way in before getting any urine out. After that everytime I have ever had to do a male cath I remember her.
  5. by   letina
    When I was doing my scavenger hunt at my new job, I noticed one of the cupboard doors in the clean utility had a label on it saying "paper bowels"
  6. by   777RNThatsMe
    Quote from C.G.
    I had a nurse tech pull me aside after a foley was inserted into a male UNCIRCUMCISED trauma patient. She said "I've seen foleys put in guys before but what was WRONG with his penis? Why did it look so funny?"
    Ahhhh to be so young............I busted out laughing.
    Where did she do her clinics??? ALL I got were uncirumsized!!!! Ive seen so many uncirc's I practically forgot what circs look like!
  7. by   MamaTheNurse
    my first year out of nursing school, I had a surgical patient who seemed to always be sleeping when his wife came in to visit (I think he wanted some peace and quiet because she was quite the talker) - one day, she commented that he seemed to be sleeping alot so I reassured her by announcing in a cheerful voice "Yes, but he's easily aroused!" - the supposedly sleeping patient laughed out loud then opened his eyes - he said "Hey, I thought that was our little secret!" and winked at me..............:spin:
  8. by   AshcroftAnnie
    My most embarrassing nursing story......(so far....)

    Bear with me, it's a good one!

    I was a nursing student in a placement in OR. That night I was working with "Dr. S", who is notorious for yelling at & belittling everybody. He calls the nurses "Woman!" and when I worked with him last, he had been throwing intruments down on the tables, and winging sponges across the room in a fit.

    Well, that night we are doing an emergency surgery. I am the scrub nurse for a laprosopic proceedure, holding a net and the camera. He's in a ROTTEN mood, things are not going well, I'm nervous, he's impatient, things are tense. You get the picture.

    and then it happens....

    I felt a strange draft, and realized with a sinking feeling that my size XXXXXL hospital-provided uniform bottoms have fallen off and are down around my ankles. And, being scrub, there is NOTHING I can do about it.

    It's not like they slipped lower & lower on my hips. They were there, then they were gone.

    I inadvertently said "WHOA!" and looked down. The surgery stopped. Everyone looked at me. Dr. S. started panicing and saying "What have you dropped, Woman?!"

    I tried to say "nothing, it's okay, carry on!", but he was insistant...and I had to tell this big, fierce, bushy-eyebrowed, angry guy what happened.

    Him: "I SAID, what did you drop?"

    Me: "I dropped my pants"

    I think the room shook because everyone laughed so hard. It was very humilliating. Every person there had tears cuz they were laughing so hard. I was redder than red. The circ had to be called in so that she could kneel down behind me, reach carefully under my sterile gown, and pull my pants up for me.

    No, it was NOT a good underware day either.

    Sadly, this is the second time in nursing school that my pants have been around my ankles (the first time they were pulled down by a mean old lady in a care home). I'm afriad this is starting to become a career danger.
  9. by   blyss99
    hello all, just wanted to share my humor and was unsure where to post, I was working med surg and had to go to tele to get some meds and supplies for patients, I needed lactulose and Thick-it. So I approach the nurses and say " Hey we are having a party upstairs and I need some things, lactulose and thick-it we are all doing lactulose shots and maybe play some lactulose pong, we plan on getting **** faced can you help me out" we had a great laugh but known to be the constant eater, I said hey I need to get some snacks I went to the vending machine and returned with Bugles I then said here we go I got the bugles which can be used two ways either as party hats or as noise makers. We all had a bit of stress relief building on that. This profession requires humor, and I am happy to supply.
  10. by   LeesieBug
    I was pitching in to help out another nurse by discharging one of her patients in the ED. Well, when looking through the paper work and orders, I just saw lots of stuff about an oozing rash, a blood test I didn't recognize, and a standard d/c write up on dermatitis. So I cruise in the room and proceed to do my d/c teaching about cool compresses for itching, keeping the area clean, avoid scratching, etc....the couple seemed to be looking at me a bit funny....especially when I got to the part about rubbing some lotion on to keep the skin moist.

    I go back to the nurses station and they are discussing the blood test I failed to identify....an RPR...for syphilis...and there I was rambling on telling him about putting compresses and lotion on his winky.
  11. by   mytoon38
    The most stupid thing I ever heard was while I was working in the NB Nsy. The baby was brought into the Nsy, the dad accompanied the baby in. I take the baby out of the isolette, and place him on the radiant heat warmer. The dad looks the baby over and then tells me "Nurse, I can tell you right now that can't be my son." I asked him why he thought that. He then stated "Because he's got a big old weenie, and it don't look nothing like mine does!" The 2 other nurses in the unit, were trying desperately to hold in their laughter!
  12. by   nursemn
    i had an alzheimer's patient ask me what chlamidia is, i just said do you know what an std is and he said yeah i left it at that
  13. by   muffie
    Quote from AshcroftAnnie
    My most embarrassing nursing story......(so far....)

    Bear with me, it's a good one!

    I was a nursing student in a placement in OR. That night I was working with "Dr. S", who is notorious for yelling at & belittling everybody. He calls the nurses "Woman!" and when I worked with him last, he had been throwing intruments down on the tables, and winging sponges across the room in a fit.

    Well, that night we are doing an emergency surgery. I am the scrub nurse for a laprosopic proceedure, holding a net and the camera. He's in a ROTTEN mood, things are not going well, I'm nervous, he's impatient, things are tense. You get the picture.

    and then it happens....

    I felt a strange draft, and realized with a sinking feeling that my size XXXXXL hospital-provided uniform bottoms have fallen off and are down around my ankles. And, being scrub, there is NOTHING I can do about it.

    It's not like they slipped lower & lower on my hips. They were there, then they were gone.

    I inadvertently said "WHOA!" and looked down. The surgery stopped. Everyone looked at me. Dr. S. started panicing and saying "What have you dropped, Woman?!"

    I tried to say "nothing, it's okay, carry on!", but he was insistant...and I had to tell this big, fierce, bushy-eyebrowed, angry guy what happened.

    Him: "I SAID, what did you drop?"

    Me: "I dropped my pants"

    I think the room shook because everyone laughed so hard. It was very humilliating. Every person there had tears cuz they were laughing so hard. I was redder than red. The circ had to be called in so that she could kneel down behind me, reach carefully under my sterile gown, and pull my pants up for me.

    No, it was NOT a good underware day either.

    Sadly, this is the second time in nursing school that my pants have been around my ankles (the first time they were pulled down by a mean old lady in a care home). I'm afriad this is starting to become a career danger.


    very very funny thank you

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