Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

Nurses Humor

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To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply

Darwin Consult

and was signed by the resident. Well the attending did laugh, but it was not the highpoint of that residents day.

so do you have more?

Amusing obstetrical note: Infant's head delivered in the usual manner followed rapidly by the body.

I was working in a LTC and in the Dr's orders it stated if PT dies call priest and funeral home. No You Think? here's your sign Doc lol.

I once heard a patient say to a nurse "get out of there you a**-picker!" when that nurse was giving them a suppository.

an order given by a dietician in one elderly ladies chart...mind you she was a newly graduated dietician and couldn't understand why we were laughing so hard at her order...after we explained she said omg how stupid am i? and asked if this would go on her permanent record which made us laugh even harder! poor baby!

dietary order: patient requests that we no longer place the kentucky jelly on her tray. states that it has been on there for the last few days and she knows she is on a bland diet but it really has no flavor and tastes bad. order noted and entered to dietary.

i still die laughing every time i re-write this order.:lol2:

Specializes in Med./Surg. and paramed. exams.

This doesn't have to deal with an order problem, but we had a patient that at shift report we learned needed a stool sample. Previous shift nurse states no BM, so no stool sample on her shift. CNA comes to me at the beginning of the shift before I had come in to the patients room, stool sample in hand and laughing, CNA states, patient has an ileostomy, I got the sample!

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry, PACU, Med-Surg.

Monitor to telepathy. (Telemetry). Ummm, forgot my crystal ball?

Specializes in Professional Development Specialist.

I ran across "lubricate eyes aggressively" recently on a patient transferred to us. It wasn't so much the order but the mental image in my head of trying to aggressively lubricate someone's eye. Lol.

Almost forgot this one! On the bottom of the consult sheet after pt went to see a specialist-

"My opinion does not matter and therefore I am not giving it."

No kidding, word for word. The story was we were not doing the wet to dry dressing on the 1x1 cm scab on her ankle.

Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
We had a child come in with a bead in his ear. After we removed it; the discharge order read "don't do that again."

Had something similar at Children's : anything removed during a surgical procedure HAS to be sent to Pathology for "proper" evaluation/examination (hospital policy). So, one day in ENT, little "Johnny" comes in with a part of a crayon shoved so deep in his ear, the ENT had to remmove it surgically.

We framed the Report(from a Pathologist with an obvious sense of humor)with the name and pt. info blacked out in deference to HIPPA......................."Normal Crayon"!

:lol2::yeah:

Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
I have heard of the "FLK" also, but the one that got me was a when I was working bed control at the trauma hospital. A resident called (this wasn't common practice, the ER clerk usually just faxed over the pt's info), but this resident called to get this TraumaMale a STU bed. I asked for his dx, and he said "*****", I am like :confused:, and he is like "F***ed up beyond ALL repair/recognition" I was like :eek:, no he didn't!!! I have heard it used several times since then actually.

Ahhh, yes! ***** is standard Military vernacular! Used it many times in my career.

Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

when i was about five, a bug flew into my ear and would not die. finally my parents took me to the er and the insect was killed and removed. on the discharge sheet, the doc had written in the margin, "spray some raid before eating on the patio next time!"

Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

We had a specialist with whom we consulted on a fairly regular basis who loved to be a smart-aleck in his notes. Our consult forms are one-size-fits-all, and some of it clearly does not pertain to newborns. So under 'social history', there is a section for EtOH, for tobacco, and for drug use. He wrote in this section: "Pt has no past alcohol, tobacco, nor drug use related to the fact that he is 16 hours old and lives in the newborn nursery." (double underlined...)

I could tell he was clearly trying to underscore the ridiculousness of these general forms in which so much is irrelevant...

I called a resident in the middle of the night for HTN probs, and he ordered 5 mg IV pork, and started snoring over the phone.

Another time, I paged the resident on call to come pronounce my patient, so while I was waiting for him, another resident came stumbling in, looking particularly exhausted, he walked into my pt's room and then back out to the desk, where he picked up the chart and proceeded to write a page of orders. (On my dead pt). I did stop him after a few minutes, and thank goodness it was a fresh order page, so we just shredded it. Poor guy.....

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