Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart? - page 58

To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply Darwin Consult and was signed by the... Read More

  1. by   JenniferSews
    I ran across "lubricate eyes aggressively" recently on a patient transferred to us. It wasn't so much the order but the mental image in my head of trying to aggressively lubricate someone's eye. Lol.

    Almost forgot this one! On the bottom of the consult sheet after pt went to see a specialist-

    "My opinion does not matter and therefore I am not giving it."

    No kidding, word for word. The story was we were not doing the wet to dry dressing on the 1x1 cm scab on her ankle.
  2. by   Vikingkitten
    Quote from Darlene K.
    We had a child come in with a bead in his ear. After we removed it; the discharge order read "don't do that again."
    Had something similar at Children's : anything removed during a surgical procedure HAS to be sent to Pathology for "proper" evaluation/examination (hospital policy). So, one day in ENT, little "Johnny" comes in with a part of a crayon shoved so deep in his ear, the ENT had to remmove it surgically.
    We framed the Report(from a Pathologist with an obvious sense of humor)with the name and pt. info blacked out in deference to HIPPA......................."Normal Crayon"!
  3. by   Vikingkitten
    Quote from 1savvydiva
    I have heard of the "FLK" also, but the one that got me was a when I was working bed control at the trauma hospital. A resident called (this wasn't common practice, the ER clerk usually just faxed over the pt's info), but this resident called to get this TraumaMale a STU bed. I asked for his dx, and he said "*****", I am like , and he is like "F***ed up beyond ALL repair/recognition" I was like , no he didn't!!! I have heard it used several times since then actually.
    Ahhh, yes! ***** is standard Military vernacular! Used it many times in my career.
  4. by   sharpeimom
    when i was about five, a bug flew into my ear and would not die. finally my parents took me to the er and the insect was killed and removed. on the discharge sheet, the doc had written in the margin, "spray some raid before eating on the patio next time!"
  5. by   ElvishDNP
    We had a specialist with whom we consulted on a fairly regular basis who loved to be a smart-aleck in his notes. Our consult forms are one-size-fits-all, and some of it clearly does not pertain to newborns. So under 'social history', there is a section for EtOH, for tobacco, and for drug use. He wrote in this section: "Pt has no past alcohol, tobacco, nor drug use related to the fact that he is 16 hours old and lives in the newborn nursery." (double underlined...)

    I could tell he was clearly trying to underscore the ridiculousness of these general forms in which so much is irrelevant...
  6. by   mushrooms4
    I called a resident in the middle of the night for HTN probs, and he ordered 5 mg IV pork, and started snoring over the phone.

    Another time, I paged the resident on call to come pronounce my patient, so while I was waiting for him, another resident came stumbling in, looking particularly exhausted, he walked into my pt's room and then back out to the desk, where he picked up the chart and proceeded to write a page of orders. (On my dead pt). I did stop him after a few minutes, and thank goodness it was a fresh order page, so we just shredded it. Poor guy.....
  7. by   sevensonnets
    Patient is an adult and may choose to go down to the street corner to smoke any time. (Strict nonsmoking hospital) NO I don't want to hear about it at 2 am!
  8. by   MamatobabyA
    When I was in nursing school the hospital I did clinical at used Flinstones as the MVI. One dr wrote: MVI po daily, no Barney Rubble

    Another time I was working as an RN on an Oncology/Medsurg unit. We had a pt who refused to give her address, refused any assistance, blah blah. Dr wrote: D/C to cardboard box
  9. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from MamatobabyA
    Dr wrote: D/C to cardboard box
  10. by   MomRN0913
    It's not really funny, but from a very compassionate Dr. "Backrubs Q shift"
  11. by   nursejess2007
    I work on a neuro/ICU unit... very specialized. So we really don't deal with anything except head and neck cases. Three of my colleagues and I were trying to decide the term for removal of kidney.

    Renalectomy was the first word that came to mind. AFter about a minute we decided that didn't sound right and figured out the correct term
  12. by   turnforthenurse
    I was sitting by an MD one day who was joking around with the orders...he's like "watch this" and types in "ETOH PO stat & prn" submitted it, was shown in the active orders, then d/c's it.
  13. by   julifers
    In the NICU: Please handle pt gently.

    Ya think??

    We get orders to print labels all the time, too.

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