From: Santa Claus

[betts]

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I

will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,

Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,

Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the

earth, my contract was > renegotiated by North

American Fairies and Elves Local 209.

As part of the new and better contract I also get

longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in

mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in

good hands with your local replacement, which happens

to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the

family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of

delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;

however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as;

1.There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your

presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his

sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys

insured by Smith and Wesson."

2.Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers

that children leave RC cola and pork rinds [or a

moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a

pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have

an empty spit can handy.

3.Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,

flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the

mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and

Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4.You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and

Blitzen." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead,

you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott

and Petty."

5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And

you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6.As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'

sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle

on the back with the words "Back Off."

7.The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle

on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will

not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,

you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and

"Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as

Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars

crashing into each other.

And Finally;

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you and

I was down stairs when he arrives, I'd make sure

you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way

when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 1225

[karenG]

donmurray beat you to this one!!!

Karen