Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Has committed no major blunders to date.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the law.
Will stick with us until retirement.
Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS:
Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION:
Knows more than superiors.
A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS:
Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC:
Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST:
NOT A DESK PERSON:
Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL:
Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB:
Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL:
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP:
Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND:
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE:
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES:
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE:
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE:
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL:
Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS:
An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT:
Lazy and hard-headed.
Usually does it the hard way.
Needs more to do.
Paid too much.
Does too much busywork.
Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN:
Pain in the ***.
WILL GO FAR:
Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR:
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY:
Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURCES WELL:
Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.