ER- HELP: Dumbest reason people go to ER

Ha ha - I had a patient come into the ER where I work last week because her 15-day-old baby's BELLY BUTTON FELL OFF! I was tempted to ask her if she still had hers... :P

I was a student doing a rotation in the ER and working with the triage nurse on St Patrick's Day, no less. A woman came in because she cut her big toenail and went too far. Granted, it was bleeding, and I know that it's pretty painful, but she demanded to have something topical to numb the pain--of course since it's a medication, we can't do that without a doctor's order. So she and her husband make a big stink--that we were violating her human rights to be pain free for the sake of our "rules." So we call the charge nurse, and then one of the ER docs comes out with a big syringe with a long needle to give her a nerve block.

We had a patient come into the ER to get an apple removed from his rectum. It ended up actually being an emergency. They ended up taking him to surgery.

Did he tell you it grew there?

A friend of mine told me this one.

LOL in her 80's and her husband arrive in the ER. LOL has complaints of "transient episode of tachycardia, tachypnea and lightheadedness."
She was one of these incredibly healthy elderly types with no prior health history and no meds. Complete workup including EKG and enzymes was negative.

Finally, one resident had the presence of mind to ask what this sweet old lady was doing when this happened. Turns out she and her husband were doing the wild thing.

Apparently after 50+ years of marriage, Hubby finally got it right (better late than never). After receiving an explanation of the cause of her symptoms, she was sent home and told to go have another one.

Wish I could have seen the chart notes on that one. "D/C diagnosis: Orgasm"

Isn't mucus supposed to be white and thin???

I floated to Med Surg the other day. I had a patient who had gotten drunk and put a large apple in the wrong orifice, if you know what I mean. It had been removed in the ER and he was sent to the floor for IV antibiotics and observation.

Out of sheer curiosity I volunteered for the admit. The doctor wrote, after the diagnosis "Condition: Embarrassed and Guarded" The patient was an otherwise pleasant man with no other medical history other than drinking too much. I didn't ask him any specifics about this particular 'incident'. He had recently been divorced and had an adult son.

I suppose ER nurses have more experience with foreign body removals, but this was a new one for me.

My best "wrong orifice" stoy was when I worked in the ER. One gentleman put a a live mouse "up there" because he heard that if he snorted coke while it was in place, the sensation would be wonderful.

Needless to say, the next mornng, the smell wasn't too wonderful and he was pretty embarassed coming to the ER to have it removed. The xray was interesting though.

We had a patient admitted from ED with rectal trauma from......*drum roll*......trying to stick a coke bottle up his butt. I voluteered for the admit too, out of sheer curiousity. He was a normal looking, very pleasant older man. I was totally suprised.

Nothing I hear or see surprises me anymore. People are strange and do strange things and pretty much anything you can think of can go up various orifaces. Including a chicken...... I will leave that one for your imagination.....