Diet Misconceptions.... (jokes)

  1. Diet Misconceptions....

    >
    > Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
    > true?
    >
    > A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
    > waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
    > heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend
    > the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a
    > nap.
    >
    > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    >
    > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
    > corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
    > efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    > Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
    > vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
    > allowance of vegetable slop.
    >
    > Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
    >
    > A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we
    > all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
    > categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
    > wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements,
    > so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a
    > beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
    >
    > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    >
    > A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
    > one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
    >
    > Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
    > exercise program?
    >
    > A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.
    >
    > Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
    >
    > A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If
    > you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.
    >
    > Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    >
    > A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
    > fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
    > for you?
    >
    > Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
    >
    > A: Thicker gravy.
    >
    > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
    > middle?
    >
    > A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
    > should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
    >
    > Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    >
    > A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel
    > good food around!
    >
    > I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
    > food and diets.
    >
    Last edit by brian on Oct 6, '02
    •  
  2. 3 Comments

  3. by   JonRN
    My philosophy exactly. I have been on this diet for years, but one thing I don't understand is: How did I get this great big stomach since I haven't done a sit-up since leaving the Army. Maybe I did too many then?
  4. by   ERNurse752
    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I have some new excuses!!!!!!!!
  5. by   RNIAM
    lol..too funny!

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