Dam Beavers!!

  1. I came across this on the 'net. No doubt you'll love it as much as me!


    Subject: Dam Builders

    The Department of Environment Quality, State of Michigan sent a letter
    to a
    man named Ryan DeVries stating that:


    'there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
    parcel
    of property.
    You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who
    did the
    following
    unauthorized activity:

    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
    stream of
    Spring Pond.


    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

    A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
    issued.
    Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
    violation
    of Part 301,
    Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
    Protection Act,
    Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
    324.30113 of
    the
    Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.


    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
    failed during
    a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
    locations.
    We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be
    permitted.
    The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities
    at
    this location,
    and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood
    and
    brush
    forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
    completed no
    later than January 31, 2003.

    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
    that a
    follow-up
    site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with
    this
    request or any
    further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being
    referred for elevated
    enforcement action.

    * Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

    I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
    Pierson,
    Michigan.
    A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining
    two
    wood "debris"
    dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

    While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
    think
    they would be
    highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building
    materials "debris."

    I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their
    dam
    project any time
    and/or any place you choose.

    I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their
    dam
    skills, their
    dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
    dam
    determination
    and/or their dam work ethic.

    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
    first fill out a
    dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first
    dam
    question to you is:

    (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
    dam
    request?

    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
    the
    Freedom of
    Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
    applicable
    beaver
    dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really
    is a
    dam violation
    of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
    Environmental
    Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
    324.30101
    to
    324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

    I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
    entitled
    to legal
    representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and
    are
    unable to pay
    for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with
    a dam
    lawyer.
    The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
    during a recent
    rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural
    occurrence,
    which the
    Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the
    Spring Pond
    Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

    If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
    contact the beavers
    -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any
    attention to your
    dam letter, they being unable to read English.

    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
    their
    unauthorized dams
    as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows
    downstream.
    They have more
    dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department
    of
    Natural Resources
    and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect
    the
    natural resources
    (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the
    beavers and
    I are
    concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement
    action right now.
    Why wait until1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam
    ice
    then and
    there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them
    then.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
    environmental quality (health)
    problem in the area. It is the bears!

    Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
    should
    be persecuting the
    defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

    If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!
    (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
    contact
    you on your
    dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

    THANK YOU. RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
    •  
  2. 3 Comments

  3. by   smileystudent
    :roll That is one funny dam letter. :roll
  4. by   Torachan
    Thanks for sharing that with us. It made me laugh. What would be good is to hear their response
  5. by   donmurray
    It seems it's true, if a little old! :chuckle

    http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

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