Classified

These were from actual classified ads.
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>FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES.
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>FREE PUPPIES: ½ COCKER SPANIEL, ½ SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG.
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>FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG.
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>GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
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>FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE...
> BETTER BE A REWARD.
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>SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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>COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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>NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY.
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>HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
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>GEORGIA PEACHES, CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
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>NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE.
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>TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT
>SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
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>EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
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>JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER &DRYER $300.
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>ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR "AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER".
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>OPEN HOUSE: BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE & DONUTS.
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>AND THE BEST ONE:
>FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
> Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married
> last month. Freaking Wife knows everything.
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