Call Light Voice Mail

  1. If we only had voice mail for call lights.....

    Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessity, But
    have you ever wondered what it would be like if every Nursing station had Voice Mail?
    Imagine the patients' pressing their call light and hearing the following:

    Thank you for calling the nurses station.
    For English, Press 1.
    For Spanish, press 2.
    For all other languages, press 0.

    Please select one of the following options:
    Press 1 for bedpans.
    Press 2 for water.
    Press 3 for emergencies.
    Press 4 for if you're just a pain in the a_ _.

    I am sorry; all of our nurses and doctors are busy helping others who are REALLY SICK
    However, you are important to us, and we will answer your call bell
    on the following shift!

    Please stay on the call button so we may become more agitated
    and take it out on our families when we go home!

    But, if you persist...
    If you would like to speak to:
    The Charge Nurse, press 1.
    The Supervisor, press 2
    The Administrator, press 3.
    Your Lawyer.. Hang on and we'll give you some Versed.

    To call a loved one and complain, press 5,
    then enter his or her social security number, followed by the "pound"
    sign.

    If you don't get an answer, press # followed by I-AM-AN-IDIOT.

    Finally....
    If you've tried all of these options,
    GO TO THE DANGED HOSPITAL DOWN THE STREET..
    THEY GET PAID MORE ANDTHEY'RE NOT AS BUSY AS US...
    THEY CAN AFFORD TO RUB YOUR DARNED BACK!

    From Dogfood For The Soul

    Medi Menu.. The Search Home For Nurses
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   jayne109
    We could only wish we could have this! There are days that we might not even answer the voice mail! Thanks foor making me laugh before going back to work from a week's vacation!

    Melissa
  4. by   nursedawn67
    This is such a great idea...too bad it'll never happen! :chuckle :chuckle
  5. by   nowplayingEDRN
    lol lol lol :chuckle
  6. by   altomga
    THIS IS TOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!
  7. by   tattooednursie
    LOL I like press 4 if your a pain in the a$$
  8. by   nursenoelle
    heehee-I wonder how many PITA's will hit the emergency button intsead tho'.
  9. by   teeituptom
    I love the ones who hit the code blue light for their pain meds
  10. by   Cooker93
    I read a joke like that once for Schizophrenics and how to call on the phone. It said if you have OCD press 3 then 4 and continue to repeat, if you are paranoid, press 5 and someone will listen to your phone call, if you are depressed, hang up, no one wants to talk to you anyway, etc.. I have it somewhere, It's really funny.
  11. by   nowplayingEDRN
    Oh Cooker! I remember that one.....too funny
  12. by   ?burntout
    :chuckle :roll
  13. by   Good_Queen_Bess
    Best laugh I've had all day. Excellent!
  14. by   funnygirl_rn
    Originally posted by teeituptom
    I love the ones who hit the code blue light for their pain meds
    Me too! :chuckle

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