Best MD note

[beckster_01]

There may or may not be a thread like this but I couldn't resist sharing. This weekend I was digging through my patient's chart trying to learn more about his history when I came across a note by the attending cardiologist. It said, and I quote: "Patient is stable, no complaints. Was screaming 'Kibbles and Bits!' repeatedly upon my arrival. Of note, patient does not have a dog." I couldn't help but laugh. Anybody else come across some interesting notes in their charts?

[michigansapphire]

After a detailed description of a difficult central line insertion: "Pt has earned a chocolate donut."

[nursedeb42]

I was receiving admission orders over the phone in the middle of the night and the very sleepy doctor was spouting out his usual questions "What labs do I need to know about? Has the pt got back from MRI? Has she had pain meds? Did I give you activity orders? Have you had any birthday cake?" I said "No, but my birthday is in 2 weeks so you should probably include that." "Okay, add that to the orders. Thank you, good night."

[Leonca]

These are hilarious! Kind of makes me wish the vets I've worked with weren't so bare-bones on the notes they were required to keep.

[TeriNICUrn]

I still recall the doctor a psychiatrist, who wrote an order "Give drug STAT on Thursday."[/quote']

Lol that's hilarious.

[schnookimz]

Saw one of my favorites last year in a pcp note, "patient is almost human again."

[sethmctenn]

in FNP school, I had a preceptor who used fat to indicate fatigue in ROS. I was always afraid a patient was going to see my notes for him which use his same terminology

I kid you not: "Patient is a 'beached whale' who is eating himself to death." It was an accurate assessment but we were astonished to see it in writing.

I had a doc write an order: "Encourage patient to watch football."

Being the wisecrack that I am, I left a clarification note: "American, Canadian, Arena, Australian Rules, or World (soccer)?"

Doc never replied...

[jvl2]

I was once standing in a room with a consulting MD while he was talking to the pt about said pt's extensive drug history, both as a user and a dealer. He then proceeded to commend the pt on getting out of the business by saying "can't be messing with that nickle and dime **** brother you know"

[Amore1993]

A 28 yro lady was on the Med-Surg floor for over a month due to hyperemesis gravidarum. The hospitalist was in distress because she would still have nausea and vomiting with various medications. The doctor ended the progress note by saying if we were to discharge the patient, "she would vomit and just die." Well then...

[silverbat]

That's great. Reoccurrence of whatever!!!!

[floridanurse1983]

Recent one:

"this stupid computer will not let me sign out until I d/c or continue this order for stool softener I neither ordered or have anything to do with. I d/c'd it. If you ordered it, you'll have to reorder it yourself. This system is ridiculous and needs to be fixed."