Bad Writng from Student Essays

  1. Clear Metaphors from Student Essays:

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either,
    but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had it's two other sides gently compressed by train doors.

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
    like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
    bowling ball wouldn't.

    Murphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
    filled with vegetable soup.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
    you fry them in hot grease.

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin
    sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

    He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was
    the East River.

    Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
    only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
    Phil, this plan just might work.

    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    eating for a while.

    Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can
    tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
    makes just before it throws up.

    The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
    leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
    because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

    It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
    with power tools.

    He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
    bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
    room-temperature Canadian beef.

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple
    it to the wall.
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   Shamrock
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by gwenith


    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
    makes just before it throws up.


    :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle
  4. by   rebel_red
    Gwenith,

    Are these from the Bullwer Lytton contest? They seem so familiar. I love that series of books based on the contest. Totally hysterical.

    Thanks for the laugh
    Tres
  5. by   nurse-in-boots
    Almost pee'd my pants. Thank you. Gatta go.
  6. by   sanakruz
    Have seen these before but still funnier than an episode of cops when the perp gets away and an officer trips over a chained up pitbull.
  7. by   KidsLuvMe
    Of all the humor posts I've read today, this one made me pee my pants the most :roll

    It's like walking into a restaraunt and forgetting to open the glass door humor. I love it
  8. by   ShelleyERgirl
    [QUOTE][i]Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.


    :chuckle How poetic! Someone is missing their calling writing for Hallmark.
  9. by   tattooednursie
    LOL
    Thats as funny as a chorus of barnyard noises made by LTC residents at 2am. lol
  10. by   KIWIRN
    awsome, loved these.
    minds are only limited by imaginations.
  11. by   goats'r'us
    i'd read those before but i'd been looking everywhere for them! you were missing a few though. I'll have to see if i can find my version and put it on here
  12. by   funnygirl_rn
    Funny! :roll
  13. by   nowplayingEDRN
    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
    you fry them in hot grease.


    Has someone actually tired this????

    Hehehehehehehe!
    Last edit by nowplayingEDRN on Jul 9, '03

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