10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for

1.) I'm going to give you an oral (as in report).
2.) I have a discharge.

OMG, I did this last night at work!! Was sending a pt to the floor from ER and floor's fax machine wasn't working. The receiving nurse called to tell me she hadn't gotten report and I said, "OK, can I just give you oral?" Pt (young guy) in the hall bed across from me says, " You can give me oral." I had no response, just turned 5 shades of red.

"I need more alcohol!"

(or, uh, just the swabs I guess...)

"Just let your legs fall open and relax, your gonna feel a touch now."

Inserting a cath or assisting with a pelvic.

It reminds me of a funny thing that happened the other day at work. I was assisting a pt. to the bathroom and her ENTIRE family was crammed into one of our pre-op rooms. As she got up she said
"What if I moon people when I get up?"
"Don't worry, I'll watch it."
The whole family burst out laughing including the pt. I MEANT I'll watch the gown to make sure it's closed.

Keely

To a pt on a bedpan, " Are you ready to get off yet?"

How about "Alcohol makes you feel better".
When I teach others to perform venipuncture I encourage them to use the alcohol to help thier finger glide over the skin.

How about "I need you to drop your pants"? I still howl on that after nearly 20 years.

Suebird

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...this is what I need after a hard day of work.....I just couldn't stop laughing....Funny because, some of these comments or words really comes out of my mouth sometimes...just didn't realize at that moment that it could sound horrible or funny to other people's ears who happen to be passing by...

I work in the OR, we all wear the same scrubs, caps, masks. I saw one of the surgeons in the market one day, with my husband, and teenage daughter, and he said ...'HI RN, I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on!!" .... we both laughed when we realized how it sounded, to dh and dd.....It was kinda weird!!!! Other shoppers heard too!!! Kind of common, I guess, with OR people.
Another time, I went down to the cafeteria, so I took my cap off. Someone saw me in the hall, and said, "HI RN, , you look nice with hair!!!" Of course I understood perfectly in both circumstances, but it does sound funny when you think of someone overhearing you, out of the blue!!!!