10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for

grace90, LPN, LVN · Jan 17, 2008

"Let me stick my hand down your pants a minute and get this".

- loosening a Flo-tech on a patient while she was wearing her pants over it

RedWeasel, RN · Feb 24, 2008

maybe i said this already...."Can I give you oral?" When being unable to tape report and you have to give the oncoming nurse verbal report......

Jessiedog, RN · Mar 2, 2008

There isn't an orifice in the human body I haven't stuck a tube into.

AMEN SISTA!!

Jessiedog, RN · Mar 2, 2008

A few that come to mind after reading these tonight:

A routine silly statement made by nurses when checking narcotics in our hospital was something like "And I'll drink the rest" when discarding the unneeded amount from the vial. Said this once to a new grad, only to realise how it sounded when she didn't understand. We would often make comments like this walking down the hall to double-check the patient, goodness only knows what the visitors thought...probably that all nurses were druggies.

When doing pressure care on feet and heels "I know you're sensitive, so I go hard and firm to finish quicker."

"It's easier if you don't move. Just lie quietly and it'll be over soon"

"So, where do you want it tonight?" for daily S/C heparin.

"Do you need help to finish?" from behind the curtain of a patient halfway through a sponge bath. The visitors outside didn't know where to look!!

jeanyis · Apr 18, 2008

On discharge day, doing a final head to toe assessment of a 15 year old who had just given birth to her first child and suffered a 2nd degree laceration.

Leaning down and to the side, looking at her peri area, noting that the area was healing nicely, I said, "Wow, that looks great."

anurseuk · Apr 20, 2008

1.i have to stick this up your rectum
2.i need some of your urine
3.i'm going to take some of your blood
4.breathe this in and hold it
5.you have to swallow it
6.i'm going to tie you down, its for your own good
7.we'll inject this into your body, and then take some pictures
8.ma'am, i'm going to examine your breasts
9.i'm going to rub this into your bottom
10.i didnt like his heart rhythm, so i shocked him

....how about during CPB surgeon to the perfusionist 'SUCK HARD!' :nono:

AussieTina · Apr 22, 2008

A few that come to mind after reading these tonight:
A routine silly statement made by nurses when checking narcotics in our hospital was something like "And I'll drink the rest" when discarding the unneeded amount from the vial. Said this once to a new grad, only to realise how it sounded when she didn't understand. We would often make comments like this walking down the hall to double-check the patient, goodness only knows what the visitors thought...probably that all nurses were druggies.!

When the next shfit comes on whoever has the DD keys always asks "Hey who wants to do drugs with me" (count the narcs) , man we have had some strange looks from families for that one HEHEHEHEHE :rolleyes:

lpnstudentin2010, LPN · Aug 12, 2009

i was thinking of this thread tonight and wonder if there are any new additions....so bump

siouxsieyq, BSN, LPN, RN · Aug 12, 2009

I travel to different SNFs and RCFEs seeing hospice patients. At the company I work for, we work as an RNCM and LVN team. My RN and I often see our patients together so we can assist each other with turning/ repositioning, wound care, etc. We were planning our day and she asked who I wanted to see first. I responded "Let's knock out Mrs. X" (referring to the 400lb pt with a sacral ST. IV) and she started to laugh "Let's knock her out, huh?" I realized what I had said and started laughing too... It's now our running joke.... Which patient are we gonna "knock out" next

RedWeasel, RN · Aug 12, 2009

this one isn't the best but a CNA and I were in a male pts room. While we were helping him back from the bathroom the CNA nodded to me to look at his table. On it he had a phone number from a tv ad for enhancement/stamina. I was like uh okay, whatever. So moments later we were laying him down and not realizing what I said-apparently the CNA thought it was funny. I said, "Do you want your head up a little more?" She didn't start laughing till we were in the hall but I guess that could have come across bad if he had known we saw his notes!

topher-67 · Aug 15, 2009

"Would you go do my patient" or "Lets go do Mr. Smith" meaning asking the CNA to give him a bath.

:clown: Sounds very familiar..."Did you do Mrs. X & Mrs. Y"? or even better "Go do so and so and then we'll both do you know who together". :chuckle

Fuzzy · Aug 15, 2009

1. Someone want to get the pu$$y (cat) out of the cage.

2. Just gently stroke downward and it (the vein) will pop up.

3. Just put a little KY on your finger to lubricate.

4. Do you want it open or closed? (Inserting a tom cat cath into a plugged tom cat)

5. You want to pick up that testicle?

6. It looks like your murdered someone in here.

7. Ok lets turn her around so that I can look at her vulva.

8. I need more drugs.

9. When this is slippery it slides in much easier.

10. Come on big boy let me have it (cleaning the sheath on a horse).

Fuzzy, CVT